Constantly Assaulted and Threatened and Afraid to Fight Back

LegacyUser

Hello all,

I am living in London and to be honest I am dreading going back. I live in a really nice apartment with some really cool friends and generally love the area and the people I am living with. I don't want to leave the apartment but theres a small problem. Basically I am a white person in an ethnic minority area and I am consistently threatened and attacked.

I really get scared in a violent situation and I don't understand why. At the advice of one of my friends I trained MMA and I was actually quite good at it. I had no problem sparring and felt confident but as it turned out when I was walking home one night I had a guy run up and punch me and I just bottled up. In this area I need to be able to defend myself and be A LOT more confident when confronted but I really don't know how.

I have twice now when I've been attacked had this flash of 'attack back' but for some reason I always tend to cower. As a result I'm a target these days. When someone comes up and starts threatening me aggressively I start to get shakey and its actually quite embarassing. I was considering seeing a psychologist but obviously it would be a bit weird to ask a pyschologist how to get over my fear of getting in a fight to defend myself.

Its not just a matter of my personal safety its also a matter of my pride. Next time these thugs assault me I want to be able to respond like I know I can. I need to get over that fear. My friend says I should just keep going to MMA until being punched becomes so natural to me that next time I will be able to respond and the locals will leave me alone.

Advice needed.

username123

cowerinlondon wrote: »

Its not just a matter of my personal safety its also a matter of my pride. Next time these thugs assault me I want to be able to respond like I know I can. I need to get over that fear. My friend says I should just keep going to MMA until being punched becomes so natural to me that next time I will be able to respond and the locals will leave me alone.

Move to a different area.

Have you lost your reason? You WANT to fight back? Why? Who knows how badly it could escalate if you did. Why on earth would you want to live in an area where you actually talk so casually about 'next time these thugs assault me'?

Move somewhere safer and stop wanting to be a hero, it will be little comfort to your mother to know you fought back if she has to bury you.

ABajaninCork

Is this in the East End?

I would echo what the others have said. Move. It's better to be a live chicken than a dead hero...

cafecolour

I second as above. Fighting back will probably make you more of a target in the long run. Some of them maybe in gangs or similar, where the mentality is definitely not to back off - it's to step up the battle.

I lived in a 'rough' primarily-minority area for a while, and was never bothered. Physical I'm 'big' but harmless looking (I wear glasses!). In terms of attitude, I entirely kept to myself (but no wearing ipods or something like that when walking through), and never looked like I had anything of value.

Conor30

cafecolour wrote: »

I second as above. Fighting back will probably make you more of a target in the long run. Some of them maybe in gangs or similar, where the mentality is definitely not to back off - it's to step up the battle.

I lived in a 'rough' primarily-minority area for a while, and was never bothered. Physical I'm 'big' but harmless looking (I wear glasses!). In terms of attitude, I entirely kept to myself (but no wearing ipods or something like that when walking through), and never looked like I had anything of value.

Was that in London too? I was staying in Hounslow before and was almost the only white in the area but never felt threatened. They were mostly Indians though and it was over 10 years ago now.

mikemac1

True, you might hammer a few but you forget the one behind you with the knife

Move outta there, London is so big you'll find a better area with better people

Logical Fallacy

cowerinlondon wrote: »

Hello all,

I am living in London and to be honest I am dreading going back. I live in a really nice apartment with some really cool friends and generally love the area and the people I am living with. I don't want to leave the apartment but theres a small problem. Basically I am a white person in an ethnic minority area and I am consistently threatened and attacked.

I really get scared in a violent situation and I don't understand why. At the advice of one of my friends I trained MMA and I was actually quite good at it. I had no problem sparring and felt confident but as it turned out when I was walking home one night I had a guy run up and punch me and I just bottled up. In this area I need to be able to defend myself and be A LOT more confident when confronted but I really don't know how.

I have twice now when I've been attacked had this flash of 'attack back' but for some reason I always tend to cower. As a result I'm a target these days. When someone comes up and starts threatening me aggressively I start to get shakey and its actually quite embarassing. I was considering seeing a psychologist but obviously it would be a bit weird to ask a pyschologist how to get over my fear of getting in a fight to defend myself.

Its not just a matter of my personal safety its also a matter of my pride. Next time these thugs assault me I want to be able to respond like I know I can. I need to get over that fear. My friend says I should just keep going to MMA until being punched becomes so natural to me that next time I will be able to respond and the locals will leave me alone.

Advice needed.

While i am sure there is a certain romantic attachment to the concept of fighting back and defending yourself i'm afraid some logic needs to prevail.

From the information provided i take it these chaps are locals and know you to see you by now. If you fight back against one of them and win, the next time there will be two of them, then three, then three with weapons. It's going to get to the point where you end up getting into some serious trouble.

I would strongly suggest moving as it is the far safer and much more sensible option.

To be honest, you can train MMA daily from now until you are 60 and you might never change your reaction to things that are happening outside the gym. In a gym, you feel safe, it's a sport and people are looking to train, not hurt each other. It's just not comparable to being assaulted in the street where there are all manner of things that could happen.

You are having a fight or flight response to the situation and your body is telling you to get out.

I would listen to it.

BraziliaNZ

hey OP, I'm in London too (also the only white in my area but that's never been an issue!) and was looking into training MMA myself. If you're looking for a partner or someone to train with give me a PM, would be cool to hear from you, thanks.

moco

I'm in London too and I've never experienced anything like that. I'm female, so maybe that's why, but my boyfriend and my friends have never had any problems with being attacked either.

Please just move to a nicer area. I couldn't live somewhere that I was in constant fear of being attacked. You shouldn't be living life looking over your shoulder, it's not good for you. A lot of these thugs would be carrying knifes or guns, so you're better to avoid a confrontation than putting yourself in bad situation, then trying to fight back.

I live in Ealing and it's lovely.

John Mason

holy god, will you just move.

do not even attempt to fight back.

london is a brilliant place which i love, there are lovely of lovely areas in the centre

MOVE

Miaireland

As the others said move out. Your safety is the most important thing here. Fighting back is not going to do anything but bring more trouble on yourself.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

I understand totally where you are coming from. it's not about getting physically hurt, but you feel you self esteem is going to take a bigger hit if you "tuck tail and run". You want to feel confident to be anywhere and if something were to happen you would be able to step up to the bullies and defend yourself.

It is important to feel pride in yourself and I am sure that apart from this issue you have lots of reasons to be proud and happy of teh person you are. One you mention; kudos for taking up a new sport, the MMT. And I am sure it will serve you in the future if you need it.

For now, and I appreciate where you are coming from, I woukld agree with the above posters. I lived in Poplar in East London for a while, I'd see kids loading air pistols, sheilding themselves from being seen by passing cars but blatently showing the gun through my window. I had another guy come right up to me with the "what are you looking at?" aggression. I said "nothing. I looked up and you were there. You startled me." He spat on his had and we shook hand and he went off. Part of me wished I'd told him to go f'k himself, but what would that acheive. I'm sure you could paste some of these cowardly people who strike you from behind, but just because you can doesn't mean it's the best thing to do.
Anyway, I didn't like living there, always felt reluctant to go home or to leave the flat. And on that basis, I moved. And only after did I realise how good a decision it was to move.

Don't get hung up on a false meaning of what it is to move. It doesn't mean you're a coward or anything like that. Someone hits you by suprise and from behind, and you react the way 99% of people would react. By being startled. It's perfectly normal.

Look at the broader picture. At other times, do you enjoy living there. Do you feel relaxed walking home etc. You will be much happier living somewhere else, and it doesn't have to be far away. And it will be the right decision.

I remember hearing of a guy in a fight, barely a fight, after the pub. Someone else pushed him or started it as I recal. This fella pushed him back or punched him and the other person fell, hit his head and died. Just like that, the guy's life was ruined, he went to prison for manslaughter. It was a freak occurance but I bet there's not a night when that guy doesn't regret fighting back.

It's one thing inthe heat of the moment, but you have the opportunity to take yourself out of the situation and have a happier life for it. Now what do you think is the smarter decision.

One last rambley point. If you're walking across a pedestrian crossing and some unthinking driver doesn't stop. Do you jump out of the way, or stay and get run over to make a point (to yourself as well as him). It's the same thing.

There's too many good things about living in London. Move area to somewhere better, in the same way you would if you had a rat infested flat, and get out there and enjoy it.

I hope that wasn't too rambley.

LegacyUser

i dont want to leave because I love my apartment, love my flatmates and live very close to where I am working and its cheap! I like the area other than the few assaults and also its just so shameful to pack up and go because I wont defend myself. Thank you for the responses but I guess its something that I cant learn. It turns out im a coward who doesnt fight back when I get hit and theres nothing I can do to change that. Still though, I want to defend myself just once, give it a last chance before moving and letting them win

Taltos

OP - we are closing this thread.

Besides moving or reporting the individuals any other advice would just encourage violence which is against our charter.

Please note though of the advice received without exception everyone has recommended you to avoid a situation that could potentially risk your life or that of another individual.

Best of luck
Taltos