Almost wish i was gay at this stage

LegacyUser

Hey all

I'm a 41 year old male. As far as i know i'm straight, all my life i have only ever gotten aroused by women, IRL, porn, wetdreams etc. I constantly have friends and family 'joke' to me about being gay, some more so than others and some are just abusive. For years i would brush it off as just people taking the piiss and a bit of banter as happens. but it still goes on and at this stage people almost roll their eyes when i mention for instance a past relationship with a gf or someone i might be interested in. Its like they can see something in me i cannot. it really confuses me as i now feel like everyone thinks i'm a liar trying to hide my sexuality.

I guess on a plus i have developed a compassion for gay folk etc, and the difficulties they must face from people through their lives.

The problem is, how do i 'come out' as a straight guy :S

Has anybody else experienced similar?

is there such a thing that someone is so far in denial that they are attracted to the opposite sex. like for instance if i were to say one day 'yeah you are right, i am gay', would i suddenly wake tomorrow being attracted to men?

sorry if it seems like a stupid question, but it really bothers me and over the years has wore down my confidence in meeting new people and maintaining friendships.

deirdre_dub

I can see two responses to this situation -

1. Ask them why they think you are gay. Maybe there is some lie that is doing the rounds on the rumour mill that you need to quash. Or maybe, as you say, they can see something in you that you cannot see.

2. Tell them to fsck off - you are straight - and that is the end of it!!!

My own experience, fwiw, is that I was most certainly in deep denial which kept me from seeing my sexuality. However, I wasn't actually in denial about my sexuality as such - I was in deep denial about my gender identity. It was only when I came out to myself as trans that I started to see that I wasn't quite the straight man I thought myself to be - I'm actually a straight(-ish) woman!

matrim

AH style response : Sleep with their daughter.

Normal response : Pretty much what Deirdre said above. Either Ask them why they think you're gay or tell to mind their own business (or both).

baby and crumble

I agree with Deirdre re: your 2 options. My best friend (and ex boyfriend!!!) was always slagged off in school about "being gay"- he really isn't. But he was never into the usual sports in my school like rugby or whatever, but liked swimming, diving, martial arts, etc. I always thought it was amausing that he was the one everyone thought was gay, when it was actually me, as his ex girlfriend who was! Always makes me smile when I think about it.

Thing is, OP, people make snap judgements about people and stereotypes. My guess is you're probably a nice guy, 'sensitive' (whatever that means!) and probably like activities or things that most 'men' don't, maybe cooking or something. (Yeah, cos making food to eat is just sooooo gay :rolleyes:). Therefore, people will assume you're gay. It's the same as feminine lesbians get told they can't be gay, they must be straight because they like dresses. It's pointless and silly, but people do it. I personally reckon people like to categorise people, everyone does it. But it can cause some people to make assumptions because you cross those boundaries that they've created in their own heads.

Look, the only way you can be gay is if you fancy your own gender. That's the rub of it. If you like women, then you're straight. It looks to me like you have examined yourself pretty well, and been introspective, and sorted it all out in your own head. If you're happy with who you are, then you need to be equally as forceful with other people.

I always liked this interview from Daniel Radcliffe, who LOADS of people have thought is gay. He's a huge supporter of the gay community, but hes had to come out as straight many many times...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SOP8aIOLj9I

LegacyUser

Thanks for the responses folks,

In response to deidre: I really feel that at this stage i am not gay. I never felt i was. but i always end up re-examining myself because of what people say. it was something i would get called a lot in my teenage years and 20's. At that stage i asked my best mate did he think i was and he says 'well i dunno' and i said i'm not. it wasn't something we talked about much. but there have been a few friends who have just persisted and if i say anything back its like, 'we'll what are you getting so defensive for'. and on and on over the years. maybe at this stage i should look more at what makes someone a friend.
and yes a huge rumour mill, i used to have a large extended group of friends, but with rumours so long and widespread now that its pointless me even bothering.

to baby and crumble: yes you would be right in saying that about sports, was never into football culture or anything, i liked to read and paint etc.

I liked the interview with the harry potter guy. the difference there for me would be a huge lack of confidence on my part, while that guy seems very confident in himself. i guess like i stated above about me trying to put the record straight with people in the beginning i ended up by just trying ignoring people like with bullies as a kid. i guess in doing that and letting people say what they liked about me ended up just making the situation worse over the years.

thanks again

fluffybiscuits

Be blunt as you can with people and dont be afraid to tell someone to go **** themselves if it is becoming an issue. There are a lot of straight blokes out there who like musicals, pop and other things that are long considered to be "gay". Let them get stuffed mate! Good luck and let us know how you get on