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falling in love with a foreign girl who will be going home

  • 02-01-2012 10:51pm
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi guys, need a bit of advice on what you would do here!

    Have met a wonderful girl staying in Ireland for one year- we have been on a few dates and get on very well.

    Now my problem is that I know already that if things go on i am going to fall in love with this girl- I already have feelings for her and I only known her a month! This isn't my first girlfriend or anything so I'm not jumping the gun here I know what I feel.

    Now Im at the stage where I need to make a decision to either walk away now with my feelings intact or wait longer and risk heartbreak as she will be going home. I can't just be in this for the "fun" I think too much of her already.

    If I decide to end this now she will wonder why, i can hardly tell my reason as I don't know what her reaction will be, but at the same time I don't want to make up some lies which will make her think bad of me.

    Has anyone been in this situation before?
    What would you do?


Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 456 ✭✭unattendedbag


    As they say: "better to have loved and lost than......"

    I'm sure she knows too that she will be leaving at a certain time too and I'm sure she will be weighing up the options just like you are right now. Have you considered to possibility of her changing her plans and staying? If she's studying then can she get a job here afterwards? Or can she get an extension of her contract etc... If things did go well between you's then she may well try everything possible to stay here.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 309 ✭✭greenprincess


    I think go for it. You will always wonder if you dont! If things go really well you might be able to keep it going, either she stays, you go with her. I have meet plenty of couples who are from different countries


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 18,268 ✭✭✭✭uck51js9zml2yt


    Met my wife 4 weeks before she went home. She moved back here 10 months later. We were then married 8 months after that.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 125 ✭✭MsAllybear


    that is a toughie OP!
    i have friends who came to ireland for 6 months etc and left, then a male friend of theirs came too and we hung out alot, and although nothing happened with us, it broke my heart when he left , i have to say i was in bits and thats only a friend leaving. but as poster said better to have love and lost than never loved at all...

    and actually if she likes ireland , she may stay longer, all of my friends (who were from spain btw) all originally planned 4/ 6 months here and most stayed longer and one is still here 4 years later, engaged to her boyfriend who she met here!! so ya never know!!! :)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,243 ✭✭✭LighterGuy


    Its all well and good for people to say "sure, take a chance, better to have had that experience" ... But the harsh reality of life has to come into it. There is alot of risks here:

    - You may get involved. Good chance she wont. She knows she is going home.
    - Even if a serious relationship forms. Likely she'll step out as the departure date comes closer.
    - You could date her for the next X amount of months and for her to realise she wants to just have fun before leaving. It happens. Alot. So you'll be left with a broken heart while others get with her.
    - Some people get used... "why not piss around with them before i go home" .. it happens. Alot too.


    Op,
    I have experience with getting involed with someone who was going home and I got burned. That little voice in my head kept telling me to wake up and see whats really going on. I didnt sadly.
    This is obviously your call. But be wise. For what its worth I never would get involved in this situation again. For every 1 success story like tatranska above. Dozens and dozens fail / and or are hurtful.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 88 ✭✭cliona8969


    i agree op that it would be very hurtful when/if she leaves but my advice would be to go for it. love is not limited to a specific country or set of rules. i think everybody should live each day like it's their last. live each day to the fullest and embrace any loving relationships that come your way. so what if it ends in heartache. it really is better to have loved and lost as that love will stay with you in your history forever and you will always have fond memories and can appreciate what you had with this girl. i say go for it and enjoy it, we'll all be dead soon enough (sorry not to depress you) but life is very short good luck


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 470 ✭✭Mc Kenzie


    Hey op!

    I really agree with cliona there...and im finding it funny that i find myself agreeing as im in this same situation and i have been wandering what am i doing. should i just end it and save myself from being hurt.....?

    Now i realise ..no ..why should i deprive myself of happiness in case i get hurt,,,if we did that with most things in life ,,,what risks would we take ...it would be boring

    Im seeing a fella for about 3months and is very honest with me that he may have to return home, after being here over a year. and unfortunately i meet him later in his stay....in my situation he is the keener one as im a bit withdrawn from past bad experiences ,,,although i like him very much and i couldnt be with a more caring kind, affectionate person.

    my family and freinds do question why i bother and think im only gonna get hurt,,,but i think i deserve to be happy for a while at least and i dont think i could be anymore hurt than i have been already.

    Im glad he is honest about it, however we have decided not to talk about it too much as it can be upsetting. My advise is be honest about it be clear you know she will be going. get it out in th open.

    At least i know he will go home.and i understand he misses his home too its normal for him to want to go back and i cant take that away from him.
    i think he is as torn as me too.

    we jokingly made a deal if/when he goes back and by the time were both 30 and if were both unmarried single we marry each other :D

    So thanks for posting this its made me see why not blow caution to the wind, enjoy the time we have with special people we meet in our lives no matter how long.

    everything happens for a reason and we all have lessons to learn . x


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi guys, thanks for all the sound advice I have mulled over this thread for a day now and done a lot of thinking.

    I know that I want to continue seeing this girl- and I will its just hard when you know that there is a definite cut of point looming in the background.

    I just know that I'm going to have to keep it in my head that she will be going home and deal with it as it comes whilst enjoying it while it lasts-

    As for the inevitable heartache when it comes to the end I will find a way!

    As I said originally it is still early days but you just know when you meet some one special, don't you? (Of course I could be wrong and it could be over in a month!) I think I'm just going to have to do a bit of searching in her heart over the next while to make sure we are on the same hymn sheet! :-)


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,599 ✭✭✭✭CIARAN_BOYLE


    Hey OP I've two friends who are long distance relationships with girls they met who were here for a year.

    One girl was here on erasmus for a term when they met, came back when she graduated for a year before returning home to do a masters. She plans on coming back to Ireland where the couple will live.

    The other girl returned home because she could get a grant for further education there but she couldn't here. The relationship is going through difficult times because of the stress of long distant relationships.

    Best of luck


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 86,729 ✭✭✭✭Overheal


    Hi guys, need a bit of advice on what you would do here!

    Have met a wonderful girl staying in Ireland for one year- we have been on a few dates and get on very well.

    Now my problem is that I know already that if things go on i am going to fall in love with this girl- I already have feelings for her and I only known her a month! This isn't my first girlfriend or anything so I'm not jumping the gun here I know what I feel.

    Now Im at the stage where I need to make a decision to either walk away now with my feelings intact or wait longer and risk heartbreak as she will be going home. I can't just be in this for the "fun" I think too much of her already.

    If I decide to end this now she will wonder why, i can hardly tell my reason as I don't know what her reaction will be, but at the same time I don't want to make up some lies which will make her think bad of me.

    Has anyone been in this situation before?
    What would you do?
    Ahm, pardon me sir, but I humbly think that in every which case this girl deserves to know you love her, if that's how you feel. Regardless of how she reacts.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,235 ✭✭✭Odaise Gaelach


    Ah, falling in love with an Erasmus. I've been there myself, though I never managed to get to the first date.

    You've had better luck than I have and fair play to you. And if I were in your position, knowing what I know now, I'd go for it and to hell with whatever "end" you think is coming. :)


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Been there on the whole Erasmus thing, I would go for it. YOu will look back on it in years to come and go "why didn't I just go for it......."


  • Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 42,362 Mod ✭✭✭✭Beruthiel


    What would you do?

    As I have said many times in here, you will always regret the things you didn't do and never the things you did.

    11 months is a long time and anything can happen during that period.
    Great relationships don't come along every day of the week OP.


  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    Can't you go with her? Or are you still studying?
    I think it's best you see this through to the end - you never know what could happen. Maybe she'll decide to find a way, or the relationship will fizzle out on its own. After that you can decide what to do.
    You could always try keeping in touch while you're apart and restart the relationship if you both think it's right?
    Really OP, there's so many options for you. It's up to you to decide what you want. Personally I'd go with her if there was nothing holding me back.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,739 ✭✭✭✭minidazzler


    I fell rather hard for an American girl who was here for 5 months at the end of 2010, like I've never experienced something so perfect. I knew it had an expiration date and to be honest I think that made it more intense, it made it more.

    It will hurt majorly when she leaves OP, I guarantee you that. But to be honest the times I had I wouldn't give up for the world. So just throw the dice.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,802 ✭✭✭beks101


    Could be that the 'expiration date' on the relationship is intensifying the feelings, or the fact that she's almost definitely due to leave the country romanticises what you have that bit more than your standard dating scenario.

    Not to downplay your feelings in any way, but I've been there, most of the relationships I've had were abroad or with foreign men and let me tell you one thing, it sucks, sucks to watch someone you're crazy about board a flight, knowing it's the end and you'll probably never see each other again. It can knock you back for years.

    Of course 'love knows no boundaries' and all that jazz but I'd be a little guarded and self-protective going into this if I were you, as there's as many people, if not more, who will just move on with their lives and cherish the memories as there are people who will change their life plans and move to a foreign country to be with someone they love.

    It's a gamble, for sure. Go for it, but go for it with your eyes open.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi OP!

    Honestly, if I was you I'd go for it. I was in a similar situation up until a few days ago, really fell for a guy for the first time in over 3 years, have never clicked with someone so well.

    Out of nowhere all contact has stopped, I am still wondering why and confused but even for the time we were together it was a really nice feeling. As others have said, I think you'll always wonder why you didn't seize the moment and wonder "what if" if you don't. Either way it'll be character building ;)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 47 Tweet0004


    Not sure where this person is from, but i have emigrated in the past for someone, i never regretted it, it did not work out, but i have great memories, and amazing time in Australia. I would say, continue to see this person, and if it becomes something more, then go to where this person is from. Better to have tried, than to regret it later on. You never know what might have been, instead of wondering. Just go for it, you really have nothing to lose.:)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 470 ✭✭Mc Kenzie


    HI there

    just wandering what happened to the op and his situation in the end. I am currenly seeing a fella who is soon to be going back to brazil...


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,211 ✭✭✭Susie_Q


    Hi OP,

    When I met my boyfriend he was due to go to Australia the following summer and I had plans to travel in Costa Rica. We both ended up cancelling our plans and staying together in Dublin - here we are 5 years later and I've never regretting cancelling that trip.

    Tell her how you feel - you never know what could happen.


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  • Posts: 0 CMod ✭✭✭✭ George Jolly Checkbook


    PI is not a soap, do not bump old threads looking for updates


This discussion has been closed.
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