She wont go out with me

LegacyUser

Hi, I'm in a long term relationship, we've recently been going out a fair bit, but my other half refuses to go out with me, goes out with friends, but not me, to the point were we have fights about it.

I'm miserable, am I wrong to feel this way?

LegacyUser

I dont think your wrong to feel unhappy if your being excluded from your girlfriends social life totally. She is entitled to see her friends without you from time to time, but if its a case that you are never invited out and are expected to stay at home while she goes out, thats quite hurtful.

Is there a reason you know of that she doesn't want you to socialise with her and/or her friends? Do you get on with her friends? Do you have mutual friends? Do you like doing the same things on a night out? Do you have fun together when you do socialise together? Is this a recent development?

Its hard to give a definitive answer when theres so many variables we dont know about, Fighting regularly is probably not helping the situation. Maybe she goes out without you to have a break from the arguements at home?

I would suggest talking about it with her calmly. Arrange a time you are both at home and have a few hours free and broach the subject by telling her that you still care about her and want to stay with her but that this is an issue that your unhappy about and want to change.

Best of luck!

lace

It's not uncommon for women not to invite partners on nights out - particularly if she has mainly single friends or lots of her friends are single.

I'm in a relationship and my friends get on great with my other half but I don't bring him along on nights out with them. I find that it's very difficult to balance between chatting and dancing with my friends and being sure he's not left on his own for ages. If he's with me I can't just go off and dance with old school friends or people I only see when I'm out.

Some of my friends who have partners bring them out and I get on with them all fine. However, it can be a little irritating, when friends are supposed to be out enjoying themselves together, catching up as a group and some members end up spending the whole night stuck to their partners. When I've brought my boyfriend out in the past I've found myself not spending as much time chatting to my friends as I'd like because I have to be sure he's having a good time too. So I usually spend my friends nights out with my friends.

All this said, I make sure to also spend nights out with my boyfriend and have fun with him. I also invite him to social events, parties etc and he does spend time around my friends in social settings other than the pub.

You need to find out exactly why she refuses to invite you out. Try to do this in a casual but clear way so that she knows you're not accusing her of anything bad. Let her know that you'd really like to go out more with her (be that with her friends or just the two of you).

Maybe you could arrange a night out with some of your own friends or family members and invite her along? Or buy tickets for the two of you to go to a gig and perhaps meet up with some friends afterwards?

BarackPyjama

It should be spread evenly. She is entitled to nights out with her friends and you're entitled to nights out with your friends. But certainly you should be doing at least a bit of regular socialising together as a couple. I'd be quite suspicious (as well as quite hurt) if I was treated as the involuntary 'stay at home boyfriend' and my girlfriend didn't want me as part of her wider life, or didn't want to be part of mine. That's not really a relationship IMO.

fluffybiscuits

unhappy in love wrote: »

Hi, I'm in a long term relationship, we've recently been going out a fair bit, but my other half refuses to go out with me, goes out with friends, but not me, to the point were we have fights about it.

I'm miserable, am I wrong to feel this way?

Im of a different opinion to other users on this.Sometimes we have to just accept that is the way that some people are and there is no point changing them. Some people hate mixing friends with partners etc. If you do suspect there is someone else or another reason perhaps explain your fears. Its not unreasonable though for you to expect a comprimise.

Chinafoot

unhappy in love wrote: »

Hi, I'm in a long term relationship, we've recently been going out a fair bit, but my other half refuses to go out with me, goes out with friends, but not me, to the point were we have fights about it.

I'm miserable, am I wrong to feel this way?

When you say she refuses to go out with you, do you mean she refuses to invite you along with her friends or do you mean she won't go out with you at all.

If it's the former then I don't see why you would be fighting over it. If she's going out with "the girls" she probably doesn't think you'd feel comfortable coming and chances are her friends don't want you tagging along. That's not to say her friends don't like you, rather that they want to go out themselves and talk and have fun without a partner there. Personally my friends are mostly male so my boyfriend would often come out with me (and at this stage my friends are his friends too) but if I'm meeting just my female friends for a night out or a catch-up he won't be coming with me.

Now if it's the former and she is refusing to go out socially with you then yes, that is very strange and not something I would be happy about if I was in that situation.

I think you need to expand on your original post before we can offer some constructive advice.