Ladies how do you get over someone who has destroyed your confidence?

mcmacness

Myself and my boyfriend recently broke up. There were plans to meet and talk but he has since started ignoring me. Out of the blue and for no reason as there were no arguments prceding this cold shoulder. How do you guys out there get over someone? I'm finding it harder because he has destroyed my self worth. I am constantly depressed and despite my friends saying its his loss I feel like there's something wrong with me that makes me so forgettable and easy to move on from. Does anyone have any good advice? I'm struggling to try to remain positive

Abi

mcmacness wrote: »

Myself and my boyfriend recently broke up. There were plans to meet and talk but he has since started ignoring me. Out of the blue and for no reason as there were no arguments prceding this cold shoulder. How do you guys out there get over someone? I'm finding it harder because he has destroyed my self worth. I am constantly depressed and despite my friends saying its his loss I feel like there's something wrong with me that makes me so forgettable and easy to move on from. Does anyone have any good advice? I'm struggling to try to remain positive

Sorry to hear about your break-up, but if this guy has destroyed your confidence I think it's for the best. I wouldn't be meeting up with the guy either, it's not going to make it any easier for you to get over him. That fact that he's ignoring you is very disrespectful. I wouldn't bother any more if I were you, and just begin the process of getting over your break-up.

Time really is the healer. Do lean on family and friends for support.


Try to stay strong on this, and cut that guy completely out of your life.


All the best.

Wibbs

Better here mcmacness, you'll get more replies.

Tigger99

Mcmacness just because your ex boyf doesn't want to meet up with you doesn't mean for one second that you are forgettable.

There is heartbreak and guilt at hurting someone that cares for you and many other emotions that arise that people can experience after a breakup, maybe he doesn't want to be reminded of them. In one way its selfish, but in other way its not because maybe he thinks that it'd be easier for you to move on with no contact.

Op you are taking the must negative slant on this, suggesting that you could be forgettable. If anything, ignoring someone can show the opposite, albeit in a cruel way.

You need to work on yourself and why you are assuming the worst in this scenario.

JimmyCrackCorn

I'm not a lady but I used to be king of the bad relationship. I stacked them one on top of another.

What I did was stop taking everything extremely personally.

I used the end of relationships as a sign I needed to go rebuild myself. I took up new hobbies, interests and most importantly made my life and confidence have nothing to do with the opposite sex.


This may sound a little strange but your life should be a great place to be for you anyone who comes into it should not change that, but it should be a healthy place where you can welcome them into your life.


Hope that makes some sense.

Tigger99

Tigger99 wrote: »

Mcmacness just because your ex boyf doesn't want to meet up with you doesn't mean for one second that you are forgettable.

There is heartbreak and guilt at hurting someone that cares for you and many other emotions that arise that people can experience after a breakup, maybe he doesn't want to be reminded of them. In one way its selfish, but in other way its not because maybe he thinks that it'd be easier for you to move on with no contact.

Op you are taking the must negative slant on this, suggesting that you could be forgettable. If anything, ignoring someone can show the opposite, albeit in a cruel way.

You need to work on yourself and why you are assuming the worst in this scenario.

Wow Tigger, being the guy in a similar situation, i can so relate to your post and the OP's story, and i can honestly say despite ignoring my ex at the time if i was being truly honest with myself i still very much loved her and that time and because she was my first true love part of me always will.

Yes i admit i felt like sh*t for doing it, and it was totally disrespectful and a horrible way to end a relationship that meant the absolute world to me, but it originally ended so abruptly and out of the blue it put my head spinning for a long time and then we came close to getting back together or at least we were talking again. I felt alot of confusion and different emotions about everything that had happened and had to endure other personal set backs almost parallel to the original breakup. Mentally and emotionally i wasnt in a good place for a long time and its only recently i am able to express how i really felt about the whole thing.

Giving my ex the cold shoulder wasnt pre-empted. it was almost as if i panicked and just turned the head away. I pretended not to see her. just didnt feel up to it and i felt she had initiated our breakup originally and felt hurt that she didnt communicate her issues until it was too late to do anything.

I felt she didnt show me sufficient interest that i needed in order for us to rekindle the relationship or even in maintaining the original and i suppose part of me wanted to show her i could get on without her, while the other part of me was eaten up with how i really felt.

Looking back i realise i could have prevented our original breakup. Communication on both our parts was terrible and we had a major row near the end. it came down almost to who blinks first only none of us blinked. We officially communicated our breakup in the worst possible and most juvenile fashion and to this day i regret it wasnt done better.

I suppose the inexperience of something so deep and meaningful was probably why i didnt know what to do when it hit the rocks and i took advice from a few people when maybe i should have listened to my own heart.

Now that she is paired off with someone else sure i have to put it down to the universes way of looking out for both of us. Were both good people and while we had good times together we're both not good together as a couple maybe for the long term. Maybe tomorrow if things were different we could be good together. Who knows.

But to the OP, i can guarantee you its not because he doesnt love you. Probably quite the opposite in fact. We are human beings and not robots and sometimes we act the opposite of the way we truly feel because to be honest sometimes the level of our true feelings can be frightening at times.

Ask yourself truly if you still think it could work and contact him personally. Not texting or talking to his answering machine but if possible face to face. There might still be a chance you could work this out but communication is the key. If you can sit down and talk frankly about it you both could pull this out of the fire.

Whatever happens be at peace. Good luck OP

mcmacness

Thanks all for your replies! Things are a bit better now. He has got in touch and although most of what he's saying isn't nice, its better than the rudeness of being ignored. I'm going to follow all your advice and just try and get on with things and be as happy as I can. To the person who suggested that I call to him and talk in person, that would not go down well, he can be quite contrary at times.

I am a friend

mcmacness wrote: »

To the person who suggested that I call to him and talk in person, that would not go down well, he can be quite contrary at times.

Bullet dodged then if he cant even have basic manners...

mcmacness

mcmacness wrote: »

Thanks all for your replies! Things are a bit better now. He has got in touch and although most of what he's saying isn't nice, its better than the rudeness of being ignored. I'm going to follow all your advice and just try and get on with things and be as happy as I can. To the person who suggested that I call to him and talk in person, that would not go down well, he can be quite contrary at times.

Sorry to hear that OP. His loss sure. In time he'll realise he lost a nice girl im sure when it will be too late to do anything about it.
Suppose i cant judge him really as I could have been better with my own ex at the time.
Its only because i felt i wasnt getting any indication from her that her intentions were to get back together whereas it would seem that you were making a genuine effort to work things out.

mcmacness

Oh believe me if he doesn't think I'm making a genuine effort then he must be completely blind. I'll only make an effort for a while longer though because with my ex before him I did not move on when I should've. That breakup was my fault but this one definitely isn't.