Sister has gone crazy

astonaidan

Ok im over in australia with my sister and her boyfriend and she has hated it from the first week, The thing is when shes at home she doesnt work and now that shes here she has to and its driving her mad and shes used to getting her own way all the time,she has been trying to convince her boyfriend to go home saying she hates the place, the thing is is that she is trying to hate the place all she does on her days off work is stay in the room and go on the internet, girls have tried to make friends with her in the hostel but she keeps blowing them off, her reason to us is she doesnt want friends she wont see again when she goes home, She quit her first job and shes starting a new one after new years but she text her boss saying she couldnt do a certain part of the job hoping they wouldnt need her but the boss told her it was ok and today she started giving out to me cause i told her if she tried more she would enjoy the place better, She then threw a huff and stormed of four 4 hours cause she didnt get her own way because i said im not her boyfriend and didnt have to listen to her childish views, Shes ruining the whole trip for me and her boyfriend and its really getting me down at the stage i want to just pick up and leave them

Firetrap

Hmm. It's a tricky one because she's your sister. I'm getting the impression that she's someone who is used to getting her own way and never developed a work ethic. She obviously got away with it when she was at home because she was being enabled by your parents. You could tell her some home truths but to be honest, I can't see that achieving anything apart from you falling out with her big time. It might also drag her boyfriend into the row and he's going to take her side.

To be honest, I think what you've written in the last line is what you should do. Go find somewhere else to live and do your own thing. Leave your sister and her boyfriend to sort it out between them.

Rosy Posy

astonaidan wrote: »

i want to just pick up and leave them

Please Please PLEASE follow your instinct and find your own path here

With a few minor changes the story you're writing here could have been mine. Ten years ago I went to aussie with my then boyfriend...some people just can't handle being out of their comfort zone. Like your sister, he wouldn't work and I bankrupted myself trying to support him. Like your sister, he refused to socialize with people in the hostel so we made no friends. Ultimately I wasted my time, money and an opportunity to have the time of my life by him and his issues. Ten years on I still look back and regret not packing up and leaving. Sydney is a great place full of friendly Irish and other nationalities- you will find new mates in no time. As it is your sister it would pay not to burn your bridges. Maybe you could look for a job in another part of the city and move somewhere more convenient for that, or just explain (nicely) that you feel a bit of a third wheel and would like to branch out on your own. It is likely that your sister is experiencing a massive culture shock, or maybe she is just not the travelling type...either way don't let her drag you down. All the best!

cafecolour

astonaidan wrote: »

i want to just pick up and leave them

I second as above. It's a no-brainer, pick up and leave, let the boyfriend deal with your sister. You'll be better off establishing your own social network and support system there regardless (especially if you are planning on staying for a while) than one with your sister.

curlzy

Hey OP,

Well first of all well done on having an adventure, moving all the way to the other side of the globe, meeting new people, working there and experiencing a whole different way of life. I've travelled to loads of places but never for more than 2 months at a time. It's really brave I think to throw yourself into an adventure like that and if my circumstances were different it's something I'd love to do. Please don't waste this wonderful life experience because of someone who's too scared/childish/spoiled to grab it with both hands and enjoy every moment. Her excuse that "she doesn't want to make friends she won't see" is curlish and idiotic to be honest. She sounds very selfish and I'd be surprised if she's not single when she gets home. She's pretty much holding you and her boyfriend back and that's well out of order. So yeah be the brave person you are and pack your bags, say you want to experience Australia completely and you're going out on your own. If the boyfriend has any sense he'd do the same to be honest.

Enjoy Australia!

astonaidan

Well our parents were the same with us all tbh, She worked when she was at home its only since ye moved with her boyfriend after school 3 years ago she stopped working cause he would do everything for her, But she has always been one who would throw a huff if she didnt get her own way, She doesnt really talk to our father because he told her to cop on when she was going threw the wild teens, I also love the hostel im in I like the people who live here and Im starting a new job next week so moving isnt really an option yet as im saving to go to the outback working, The thing is shes 21 and should be acting like a grown up but isnt even trying and the point of her coming over here was to save money for her wedding next year, She asked me did I want to move out to an apartment a few days ago but i said i didnt because I knew after 2 weeks i didnt want to live with them as im in the city now i can just go off, in the suburbs id be stuck with them all the time and i couldnt stand that which i think pissed her off i just dont want to be tied down to a contract, The whole situation is really making me down its gone as far as she goes out of her way to stop me talking to girls on nights out

Firetrap

Do you have any friends you could move in with even for a short while? Or into another hostel. From what I can see, living with her is doing nothing but making you miserable. Or alternatively, can you not hang out with people and not include her? You need to put distance between yourself and her but without being snotty about it.

astonaidan

Well in the four hours she was away, They planned on leaving me in sydney and go to melbourne and not telling me they were going to prove a point that if I tell her to grow up she will just leave me, So that could be a good thing for me but its just proving that she is being really immature about the situation

Firetrap

Stop worrying about what your sister does and look out for yourself. You're both grown adults, though in the case of her that's a moot point. Plan a life for yourself that doesn't include her in it. Don't fall out with her but go make your own friends, live elsewhere, socialise elsewhere. I wonder is there a part of you that's afraid to stand up on your own two feet? You're in Sydney, surrounded by Irish people who are in the same boat as you. It's not as if you're isolated. The childish threat to go to Melbourne shouldn't faze you one bit. You should be able to shrug your shoulders and let them get on with it. Besides, your sister and her boyfriend are a couple, one entity. You're just like a third wheel. Go do your own thing.

Defiler Of The Coffin

astonaidan wrote: »

Well our parents were the same with us all tbh, She worked when she was at home its only since ye moved with her boyfriend after school 3 years ago she stopped working cause he would do everything for her, But she has always been one who would throw a huff if she didnt get her own way, She doesnt really talk to our father because he told her to cop on when she was going threw the wild teens, I also love the hostel im in I like the people who live here and Im starting a new job next week so moving isnt really an option yet as im saving to go to the outback working, The thing is shes 21 and should be acting like a grown up but isnt even trying and the point of her coming over here was to save money for her wedding next year, She asked me did I want to move out to an apartment a few days ago but i said i didnt because I knew after 2 weeks i didnt want to live with them as im in the city now i can just go off, in the suburbs id be stuck with them all the time and i couldnt stand that which i think pissed her off i just dont want to be tied down to a contract, The whole situation is really making me down its gone as far as she goes out of her way to stop me talking to girls on nights out

The bolded part at the end stood out for me. Your sister doesn't sound like a pleasant person to be around at all. You will be far better going off on your own and making new friends. I spent a year in Australia, was on my own for the majority of the time and met loads of sound people. It's an opportunity you don't want to waste. Do your own thing for a few months and who knows, maybe your sister will have matured a little in the meantime!

astonaidan

Well she has decided to go to melbourne with her boyfriend to this guy she met twice out drinking at home and she thinks hes great crack, I tried to explain to her a few weeks ago that she doesnt know him and what someones like out isnt how they are always but she didnt listen, The thing is if it wasnt for her boyfriend i wouldnt even have known as he told me she had planned on leaving me in the hostel when i had gone to work, So shes now left her job and her boyfriend his to look for work to prove she can do what she wants, Am I abit afraid of being on my own in some ways yes and in other ways no, I lived bymyself in college and make friends easy enough as im laid back, I was planning on moving out but didnt cause we split the rent 3 ways and they couldnt afford it by themselfs, I rang my mother last night and she said why dont i just do everything she wants which shocked me to be honest, My father told me to let them off which it looks like will happen, Its ruined my holidays as I was looking foward to starting a new job in january

Jumpy

Seriously. Let them go. Its better for you anyway.

Rosy Posy

This can only be a good thing for you. Maybe she is making a big mistake by going off to melbourne with this randommer but she obviously isn't going to listen to you- just let her off and if she falls on her face at least she'll learn from her own actions. I know it is a bit scary being in a big city on your own on the other side of the world but its very irish/backpacker friendly over there and you will be grand. Don't let it ruin your holiday or your new job- look on it as a blessing. Now you won't have your sister wrecking your head or have to fall out with her by leaving yourself. Best of luck with the new job!

Jumpy

I am Australian and I travelled Europe on my own when I was 19.
I met tons of awesome people doing the same thing.
Being on your own is far better. It will make a man out of you.

Firetrap

You know, your sister going off like that is the best thing that can happen to you. By the sounds of things, you are far too dependent on her. Not to mention you being way too wrapped up what she's thinking/doing.

You need to accept that she's an adult and is free to make whatever decisions she wants, even if you think they're bad ones. Don't rule out how much of a role her boyfriend has in this. For all you know, he wants to go too. They're a couple and you really don't know the thought processes and discussions that go on behind closed doors.

So wish her well and get on with your own life. It's obviously daunting for you but once you find your feet you'll never look back. She was ruining your trip and behaving like a spoilt little madam so what a loss she will be.

astonaidan

Well I am actually happy that they are going in a way, I was finding it hard to get motivated to get up and make friends when I couldnt really leave them at the table, Her boyfriend defintly doesnt want to go, He has a job he likes and only reason they havent gone home is because of him, Every time he voices an objection to her plans he is given out to and she huffs till he gives in, The reason she is fighting with me is because I refuse to let her boss me around, Like she shouts at me if on my days off i get out of bed to early, I got sick of this about a month ago and just stopped listening to her which is probably why im in her bad books tbh, I know yere all right though, I should have left the hostel but I like a girl thats here, I depend on them abit too much and that this is a good thing for us both its really just the way they did it that has left a bad taste

astonaidan

Well I told my sister today that Im moving out and going to a dorm as I decided Im not putting my life on hold just so they can save money on rent, She took it well enough but Im not sure whether she belives me, Her boyfriend was huffy over it as I said I was sick of him snoring and the 2 of them deciding everything that happened in the room, eg what time I had to go to bed and the fact he now has to pay the differnece in rent as my sister quit her job, This in spite of the fact that my sister said he was giving out about me always stop their arguments, The thing is now if they go home itll look like it was my fault as she said on the phone today that they will struggle with rent to my mother, So I cant win either way

Penn

astonaidan wrote: »

Well I told my sister today that Im moving out and going to a dorm as I decided Im not putting my life on hold just so they can save money on rent, She took it well enough but Im not sure whether she belives me, Her boyfriend was huffy over it as I said I was sick of him snoring and the 2 of them deciding everything that happened in the room, eg what time I had to go to bed and the fact he now has to pay the differnece in rent as my sister quit her job, This in spite of the fact that my sister said he was giving out about me always stop their arguments, The thing is now if they go home itll look like it was my fault as she said on the phone today that they will struggle with rent to my mother, So I cant win either way

THEY will struggle to pay rent because THEY are leaving. If you're happy where you are, let them go off and do their own thing. That's their choice and they can't expect you to drop everything and go with them, especially given the issues between you already.

Your sister needs an attitude adjustment, and her boyfriend needs to stand up to her and make her pull her weight. You not going with them may be the only thing to force her to get a job and stick with it.

LittleBook

astonaidan wrote: »

The thing is now if they go home itll look like it was my fault as she said on the phone today that they will struggle with rent to my mother

Yes, it will look like it's your fault ... to your mother, your sister and her boyfriend ... but there's feck all you can do to change their view.

The thing to remember is that, in fact, it is your sister's fault for refusing to work and her boyfriend's and your mother's for enabling her.

astonaidan wrote: »

So I cant win either way

Actually, you've already won!! You've broken out of the cycle with your sister and you've taken back control of your trip.

Read Rosy Posy's post again, your sister's boyfriend will be typing something very similar one of these days if he ever cops on to her.

Stop thinking about what has happened and start thinking about what will happen ... you've dragged this back from the brink of disaster, fair play to you. Enjoy the rest of your trip!

P.S. If there's any further discussion, remind them that a week ago they were going to Melbourne and leaving you!

greenprincess

I was there ''alone'' some craic! To be honest I cant really think of any time I was actually alone!