Hindsight after moments of madness

brummytom

So I'm just after coming in from a night out - wasn't the best, but probably not the worst either.


Outside the chip shop, next door to the club, a girl comes up to me who I met the last time I was there. "Tom! Do you remember me? I was in the year above you at [my primary school]!" So we get talking, she asks me to come to the cashpoint with her, about half a mile away, down some back alley.
"Are you still a virgin Tom?"
"Ermmm... yeahh..."
"I wonder how I could change that". I laughed and she put her arms round me. My phone rang, and it was a friend saying. "Tom, get to the taxi NOW!" I said "I've got to go, I'm really sorry" and leggggged it back through the town centre to get to the taxi.

As we drove off, I thought 'what in the name of God have I done? I had plenty of money to get my own taxi!'



And another. My muslim teacher (who absolutely loves me, great for banter) wasn't in a lesson but had set some work. Assuming she was in, I jokingly wrote "Miss is going to get hammered at Eid" on the board, it being the week of Eid.
I thought nothing of it until the next lesson, when she told me a supply teacher had seen it and reported it for racism, but didn't know who it was.


Are you a person who thinks before they act, or do you just do things and not even consider the consequences?


(I'm meant to be up for work in 3 hours... will a deadly hangover voice sound sick enough to claim I'm dying?)

seanybiker

brummytom wrote: »

So I'm just after coming in from a night out -

Ah shyte. Thought I was gonna be here for you coming out

lecker Hendl

I've replied to this thread...AND I DON'T KNOW WHY LOLZ ROFLS

seanybiker

lecker Hendl wrote: »

I've replied to this thread...AND I DON'T KNOW WHY LOLZ ROFLS

and you forgot to facepalm yourself

J. Marston

The back-alley girl, was she good-looking?

halpin17

You tool,you turned down the ride for a taxi with the lads

seanybiker

halpin17 wrote: »

You tool,you turned down the ride for a taxi with the lads

I refer you to my post above

J. Marston

Lets not judge him yet, this back-alley girl may have been a 22 stone heffer. In which case, it wasn't a moment of madness but a moment of......I dunno, smartness.

lecker Hendl

no one makes threads about opportunities they missed with whales though

seanybiker

J. Marston wrote: »

Lets not judge him yet, this back-alley girl may have been a 22 stone heffer. In which case, it wasn't a moment of madness but a moment of......I dunno, smartness.

He was drunk. That mean 22 stone was more 10 stone.

brummytom

J. Marston wrote: »

The back-alley girl, was she good-looking?

No, I decided to go off with a girl whose face looked like melted lego.


Yeah she was fit lol, why am I such an idiot? And how is my typing so good?! I literally can't feel my legs.

brummytom

seanybiker wrote: »

Ah shyte. Thought I was gonna be here for you coming out

PM sent

Jesus Wept

oh Tom.

seanybiker

brummytom wrote: »

PM sent

Burn haha

Jesus Wept

Also, when the **** is a cash machine ever down a back alley?

brummytom

The-Rigger wrote: »

Also, when the **** is a cash machine ever down a back alley?

When it's not on the main street....


People were using the ones on New St.
We went to this weird one that's a bank of ireland atm, in England? And I think I pissed on a tramp's bed/house/box but I didn't realise until after.

Jesus Wept

Do you go to Snobs?

brummytom

The-Rigger wrote: »

Do you go to Snobs?

Are you stalking me?

Jesus Wept

brummytom wrote: »

Are you stalking me?

nah. Went there a couple of times with my Brummie friend and his pals.
First time was good, second time was **** and some ***** tried to pick a fight with a bunch of us and outside was just generally a ****ty mess and aggro.

brummytom

The-Rigger wrote: »

nah. Went there a couple of times with my Brummie friend and his pals.
First time was good, second time was **** and some ***** tried to pick a fight with a bunch of us and outside was just generally a ****ty mess and aggro.

It really is a ****hole. I hate the place but it was a friend's birthday. I've never been offered so many drugs. And some beggar from Louth (what kind of beggar has an M&S bag?) threw a pound back in someone's face because it wasn't enough!

Jesus Wept

Contact the girl who you went to the cash point and ask her if she fancies hanging out soon and having intercourse.

a-k-47

schoolboy error virgin

wonderboysam

link to alley girls facebook or gtfo!

LighterGuy

Well, you've proved that you suck op :pac:

But your story reminds me of a girl named Pamela I once knew. I was outside some Burger King one night and she came up to me. I couldnt remember her at first but once she said we worked on some show about coast guards, I remembered her
She also asked me to walk down an alley way so she could get money out of an atm. While walking she turned around and said "Tommy didnt mean anything to me, i wanted you" ... I started to laugh and pretended my phone was ringing. That my friends needed me. Then made my excuses to leave.

I hopped on my hooverboard to meet my friends. They were at the clocktower in the middle of town. But thats a different story.

true story / the end.

Chuck Stone

What's that? You want my pseudo-scientific analysis?

The cash machine and the back alley, huh?

This tells me you want to pay a woman for bum-sex...

jimthemental

Chuck Stone wrote: »

What's that? You want my pseudo-scientific analysis?

The cash machine and the back alley, huh?

This tells me you want to pay a woman for bum-sex...

With the idiocy in the OP it's the only way the poor lad will get the ride.

4zn76tysfajdxp

Ah, it's okay Tom. You were probably just nervous. I'm sure I'd have been like that if I had ever been a virgin.

Deus Ex Machina

Ah I'd take it as a god send lad. She was probably one of those girls who keeps your used johnny and stuffs the gooey contents inside herself after you've strutted out of there like a pimp off to tell the mates!

(This, son, is how deep and disgusting your rationalisations must go after a roide evading cock up of that magnitude....next time you get a chance like that you need to rock out with your cock out.)

Gyalist

Christmas Eve a few years ago (it was before taxi deregulation) I finished work late and was stuck in the city centre facing the prospect of having to walk to Terenure, as most taxi drivers had already finished working and there were at least a hundred people queueing at the rank on College Green. I walked around to the Pony Cabs office that used to be next to Hogans on South Great George's St and though they were closed, the guy there promised to radio for a minicab for me as I was a regular customer.

While waiting for the minicab to arrive, two attractive women came to the door looking for a cab but the operator told them that they were closed. So I asked them where they were going and they told me "South Circular Road". I asked them if they wanted to share the cab with me since we were going in the same general direction and they agreed.

We got chatting about Christmas plans and they told me that they were both nurses originally from the country, and had been to the pub next door for a few drinks as they would be working a lot of hours over the holidays and wouldn't be going "home".

So eventually the minicab arrived and I sat in front and they sat at the back carrying on a whispered conversation. When we got to their destination they paid their share of the fare and I was completely surprised when, as they were leaving, one of them turned back and asked me if I wanted to come in "for a cup of tea or something".

I was so tired after work and more concerned about getting home to wrap the presents that I had in a black sack in the boot, that I declined their offer. Immediately I knew that I had done the wrong thing but the moment had passed. As we drove on to Terenure the driver even slagged me for turning down an invitation from two lonely nurses - as if I didn't already realise what an idiot I'd been.

danniemcq

Gyalist wrote: »

So eventually the minicab arrived and I sat in front and they sat at the back carrying on a whispered conversation. When we got to their destination they paid their share of the fare and I was completely surprised when, as they were leaving, one of them turned back and asked me if I wanted to come in "for a cup of tea or something".

I was so tired after work and more concerned about getting home to wrap the presents that I had in a black sack in the boot, that I declined their offer. Immediately I knew that I had done the wrong thing but the moment had passed. As we drove on to Terenure the driver even slagged me for turning down an invitation from two lonely nurses - as if I didn't already realise what an idiot I'd been.

Your man card, hand it over

BraziliaNZ

I emailed my ex wife the other night when I was hammered on bacardi. I had a shocking memory of it the next day so took a quick glance the next day and it said something like "you'll always be the love of my life", or some sh*t like that. Was afraid to read the whole thing. I never even think about her these days I have new exes to pine about, so I don't get why I did it! Of course she didn't respond and is happily married again. Scarlet though.

pickarooney

Tom, I reckon subconsciously you didn't want to do it last night because there are still loads of people on holidays and you didn't want your grandest moment on boards to be spoiled by the polite applause of 16 men and a dog.

We'll be waiting in January for the first post to earn one million thanks.

Dravokivich

brummytom wrote: »

And how is my typing so good?! I literally can't feel my legs.

Because you don't type with yer toes Tom! :pac:

Gyalist

danniemcq wrote: »

Your man card, hand it over

i know, I know.
Still can't believe how, just for those few seconds, I wasn't on top of my game.

danniemcq

Gyalist wrote: »

i know, I know.
Still can't believe how, just for those few seconds, I wasn't on top of my game.

they woulda had nurse outfits too, guaranteed!


...

i'm not helping am I?

Son Of A Vidic

brummytom wrote: »

We went to this weird one that's a bank of ireland atm, in England?.

Using the BOI atm? If nothing else Tom, you're a loyal young paddy.

Captain Darling

So you're a racist now Tom?

BraziliaNZ

Corvus Maximus wrote: »

Using the BOI atm? If nothing else Tom, you're a loyal young paddy.

It was probably a post office, I think all the post offices here use BOI ATMs.

pickarooney

Sounds like a lot of the girls would like a boy at 'em as well.

Stiffler2

Ya should have just rode yer wan home like a horse

Capt'n Midnight

J. Marston wrote: »

Lets not judge him yet, this back-alley girl may have been a 22 stone heffer.

LOL

When I read it I heard "Get to the CHOPPER"

Then again she could have been a Harriet Jenkins

wyndham

You weren't walking & eating a Taco fries when you met her by any chance?

amacca

The-Rigger wrote: »

Also, when the **** is a cash machine ever down a back alley?

from the sounds of it the OP was going to end up being the cash machine

Blitzkrieger

Gyalist wrote: »

the driver even slagged me for turning down an invitation from two lonely nurses

I'm surprised he didn't hand you the keys and go for a cup of tea himself tbh....

Immaculate Pasta

brummytom you've had a mare. Better luck next time. But at least you know who she is so there's always a way of contacting her but better yet if you see her out in town again at least you know she's interested.

The one's who you don't know who they are the one's which haunt you like yer man's story about the nurses. I've been in a similar situation myself where there was this fit bird giving me all the signals and asking where I was going now and then my friend turned up and I just went off to join the rest of my mates. You just end up kicking yourself that you weren't quicker in taking up the signals.

It's a funny one the drink. A part of you thinks if I didn't drink I would think more rationally and have better success but then I think if I didn't have a couple of drinks I wouldn't be approaching them. It's important to get that right limit and I more often end up overdoing it. I think I'll have one more before I go over then the next minute I'm hammered :cool:

msg11

Stiffler2 wrote: »

Ya should have just rode yer wan home like a horse

Could have saved on the taxi fare too.. The dirty jeezable ..

PK2008

brummytom wrote: »

So I'm just after coming in from a night out - wasn't the best, but probably not the worst either.


Outside the chip shop, next door to the club, a girl comes up to me who I met the last time I was there. "Tom! Do you remember me? I was in the year above you at [my primary school]!" So we get talking, she asks me to come to the cashpoint with her, about half a mile away, down some back alley.
"Are you still a virgin Tom?"
"Ermmm... yeahh..."
"I wonder how I could change that". I laughed and she put her arms round me. My phone rang, and it was a friend saying. "Tom, get to the taxi NOW!" I said "I've got to go, I'm really sorry" and leggggged it back through the town centre to get to the taxi.

As we drove off, I thought 'what in the name of God have I done? I had plenty of money to get my own taxi!'



And another. My muslim teacher (who absolutely loves me, great for banter) wasn't in a lesson but had set some work. Assuming she was in, I jokingly wrote "Miss is going to get hammered at Eid" on the board, it being the week of Eid.
I thought nothing of it until the next lesson, when she told me a supply teacher had seen it and reported it for racism, but didn't know who it was.


Are you a person who thinks before they act, or do you just do things and not even consider the consequences?


(I'm meant to be up for work in 3 hours... will a deadly hangover voice sound sick enough to claim I'm dying?)

Tom, I am disappoint

ToddyDoody

I go on facebook pissed drunk at 3am and start updating my status and generally causing havok. Its become a bit of a ritual to get up the next day, log on, get deleting and check the phone log. Got lucky two nights ago, couldnt find the submit button so the message never got posted.

mattjack

Tom stick with the Muslim teacher, 76 virgins will die by side or something.

brummytom

mattjack wrote: »

Tom stick with the Muslim teacher, 76 virgins will die by side or something.

Biiiit racist!

wonderboysam

brummytom wrote: »

mattjack wrote: »

Tom stick with the Muslim teacher, 76 virgins will die by side or something.

Biiiit racist!

yea he makes every other religion sound shit!