No friends + lonely

LegacyUser

Hello all I just made another thread recently here and would like to make another since this deals with another issue and I don't want to derail my other one. I am a 20 year old male and, not to be cocky, I think I am funny, cool and just a good person to be round (listen to me!). This is ironic because in my latter years I have had a total detachment from social interaction somewhat. When I was 12/13, I used to hang around with my friends in my housing estate then we just stopped hanging out since two of my friends moved away and there was only 3 of us left and we never used to hang out any more I lost touch with two of my friends who moved away and I spent most of my teenage years generally alone

I had two or three best friends in primary school but we went different schools my mother forced me to go to another school in town where my two brothers were going but my friends were going elsewhere and I lost touch with THEM too. When I see them now on the street or out on a night out it's only a hello we exchange.

My friends in my housing estate have gone very reclusive and while I respect this they never want to do anything, they don't suit me anymore and I know it sounds terrible and god forgive me but they just are boring! For a young man like me at age 20 I want to go do things! All my teenage years I went different schools and I was quite quiet and I never really made any friends and I was kind of a loner!

But I know I'm an outgoing and adaptive person but lately I really have no people to hang out with or chat to on a daily. College friends is all, and they all live miles away from each other and in college there is still really no sense of friendship there. There are no real friends any more just acquaintances in my life, and I hate it.

But there is nothing to do, I live in a pretty big town but I find myself sitting in most every day. I usually see young people around the town a lot but I'm out of school and without the help of any social groups or anything it's really tough to meet friends? I don't want to be alone any more, lately I've had obsessed thoughts about my wasted youth and I feel like I've wasted the magic of my teenage years, if there is any? Any advice on how I can branch out and actually meet people?

Firetrap

There's no point in looking backwards to your teenage years. That was then and this is now. Anyway, a lot of people find that they outgrow their childhood/teenage friends. The good thing from your point of view is that you've identified that you have no real friends but would like to change that.

The piece of advice that most people here will give you is to join up some sort of club or society in your local town. Seeing as you're in college, I'd suggest you look into that too. If you think about how schoolkids make friends, it's from hanging around the same bunch of faces day in day out. Clubs & societies work the very same way. Pick out something that you're interested in or would like to try out and just start going to it. Sport is the most obvious example but it could just as easily be anything from art classes to pilates The crucial thing is that you'll be going to something week in, week out that entails you seeing the same faces and getting to know people. It might not be easy at the start but keep plugging away. Don't be afraid to talk to people of all ages. Maybe you might be able to convince a family member or one of your friends from the estate to come with you.

In college, are you only speaking of the people on your course? Have you tried getting to know people off other courses? Maybe they are nicer and might become friends.

pragmatic1

Friendships are made and broken throughout your life dude. A good way to make friends is through living away from home.

Pretty Polly

I agree with Firetrap, join a club or society in club. It your not into sports there are many other alternatives.
Personally, i would recommend volunteering, i've met some lovely people through it and it allowed me to extend my circle of friends. I found in college that some peoples lives revolved around going out, drinking and being hungover so the volunteering was a nice change from college life(don't get me wrong i enjoyed my college years!). Good luck:)

Stavro Mueller

Indeed. Do you live away from home? Sharing houses can be another great way of making friends. I used to house-share in my younger days and am still friends with some of my ex-housemates. I also became friends with their friends.

curiousdada

As people leave the comfort of national school and then secondary school, where most of our childhood friends were, we find that we all move away from home and find a new circle of friends. indeed, when I went to college, I had some new friends there, but then again, like you they all lived in different parts of the country at weekends. I am from a rural town, and had one friend from a farming back round. Macra na Feirme was an excellent outlet, as we found that ALL the people / members were people that were working at home on family farms and all wanted company. I am not a farmer, but we did loads of stuff. plays (all for the bit of craic) we went on sun holidays, weekends away. It was brilliant (It really got me out of my shell). there was a combination of men & women from 16 to 30. all in the locality. by the way they are friends for life as I am still go friends with the most of them.
worth a shot !
best of luck.