From Friends to Boyfriend/Girlfriend.......

vwtsi140

Hello,

Would really appreciate some opinions on the following

I (Male) have been good friends with a girl for the last 14 years - we started in College together and have remained friends ever since. All through college, my male friends would remark to me how attractive my friend was and would joke about me and her ending up together eventually. I recognised that she is an attractive girl but would never have dreamt of asking her out - not because of lack of attraction but we just seemed to be good friends and that was all

Over the years, both of us have dated other people. We have on occasion shared our respective love life experiences with each other and asked each other for advice and joked about our respective experiences

However recently over the last 18 months approx, the atmosphere between us has changed, principally due to us having kissed on two seperate occasions, the latest being over this Xmas period. The most recent kiss came about after a night out where i told her that i fancied her and she replied back the same. Also some mutual friends have joked around that we should get together


I care very much for this girl and value her friendship greatly - the prospect of there being something more between us is exciting and on reflection it think there are reasons whay we could be good together. however i also aware that were we to take the next step and things did work out between us it could damage our friendship perhaps irrecovably and i really do not want that to happen



Hopefully some people out there who have been down this road can share their experiences with me - would help a lot

Thanks

I am a friend

But imagine how great it could be if it worked out well ) life is short op - go for it and good luck.

echosound

go for it - you have been good friends for 14 years, you both fancy each other:
You already know you're compatible on the friendship level, you've seen each other at your best and worst, you now know there's chemistry there too...

I was in a similar situation about 10 years ago - good friends with a guy for years, we were housemates and all, friends all convinced we were perfect for each other, neither of the two of us realised that the attraction was mutual though. Finally admitted our feelings one night, had a panic wobble that same week - 'what if it doesn't work out, we'll ruin our friendship'. However, I'm glad to report we went for it anyway, and we celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary this year :-)

Sure, I'd have been sad if things didn't work out and I lost a great friend in the process, but knowing how utterly happy we are together as a couple and what I'd be missing out on if we didn't ever try at all, I'd always say - go for it! I don't honestly think we could have stayed 'just friends' anyway knowing the attraction was there and it was mutual, and always wondering 'what if'.

From my own perspective, it's a truly wonderful feeling to be best friends with the person you are in love with. I get to spend all my time with the one person in the world I care most about. And the cherry on the cake is that I fancy the arse off him and get to act on that :-D

So as was said already - go for it, life's too short to not take a shot at happiness :-)

A0

Of course go for it!! And, as I always say, it's extremely difficult (impossible) to just stay very close friends with the opposite sex, when both are single :-) Enjoy!

vwtsi140

AO, Echosound, I am a friend,

Thanks a mil for all your replies - much appreciatated

Well, tomorrow my friend and I are meeting for a "chat" - feeling apprehensive but hopefully it will work out well

We spoke on the phone as well following our most recent kiss and she was in great form so here is hoping.................

I am a friend

Good luck

vwtsi140

Hi Guys - OP Here

So on Friday the " chat"was had and

- it turns out that my friend has just recently started seeing someone else - i knew of this before - they have gone on one or two dates, nothing really serious and in fact my friend has told me that she is not overly sure of this other guy - however, i said to her that she knows now how i feel about her ( that i fancy her and would like to give going out with her a go) and that i would do no more until she decides what she is going to do re the "other " guy - I think she will respect me in the long run for not putting pressure on her now to ditch the other guy and hook up with me and plus she is a nice person and would not just go and do that - Do you think i am right in doing this or should i be in there "fighting for her" (sounds corny)


So for now, we are long term friends who have kissed twice and we are still in the friends zone ( i think)

I am a friend

What did she say to you when you said you liked her and wanted to make a go of it? Sorry OP but if she were interested she would take the opportunity and not let some guy she has dated twice get in the way...

I think you did the right thing by telling her but, if I were you, would not hang around waiting for her to make up her mind...

mood

I am a friend wrote: »

What did she say to you when you said you liked her and wanted to make a go of it? Sorry OP but if she were interested she would take the opportunity and not let some guy she has dated twice get in the way...

I think you did the right thing by telling her but, if I were you, would not hang around waiting for her to make up her mind...

It could be that she is worrying about ruining the friendship if it doesn't work out just like the OP is. But I think it's worth the risk. I held back form getting involved with a friend years back and have always regretted it. We didn't even remains friends anyway so I lost a friend and the possibility of a great relationship!

I am a friend

Yeah but they kissed recently so she must have thought about it...

vwtsi140

I am a friend wrote: »

What did she say to you when you said you liked her and wanted to make a go of it? Sorry OP but if she were interested she would take the opportunity and not let some guy she has dated twice get in the way...

I think you did the right thing by telling her but, if I were you, would not hang around waiting for her to make up her mind...

She replied in kind - said she found me attractive and had thought about me and her in a romantic way -but that she has just started seeing someone else and so must figure out what to do - i guess, i dont want to put pressure on her because i want her to make up her mind without undue influence from me - she knows how i feel now, so hopefully she will see the light:)

I am a friend

Well I still wouldnt waste anything more than 2 weeks waiting for her to decide..

squonk

TBH it sounds like bunkum. Sounds like she's hedging her bets in that she's got you on the line OP and another guy as well, so she'll give this other guy a go and see what happens knowing that you're her mate and you'll always be around to fall back on if it doesn't work out. I'm not that impressed by her tbh. She knows you better than this other guy who she's been on two dates with only. If I was attracted to one of my friends and found out that the attraction was mutual, I think I'd be quite happy with that and be happy to give that a go rather than starting out new with someone else.

Don't be the chump waiting on the sidelines. Carry on with your life and if you meet someone over the next while, give it a go. You have to look at it in the way that she has her chance now but if she carries on as she is, she's going to blow it. I know that sounds tough and you might not see things in that light right now but that's how it should be. Some people just love the attention as well as the security of having a number two there for them until the next big thing comes along. Don't be that guy.

vwtsi140

Hello Again Guys

OP here - back looking for advice again

So , at the weekend i met up with my friend who i kissed at Xmas - just met for afternoon tea and went for a stroll afterwards

Turns out she has stopped seeing the other guy, she was seeing when we kissed - which is good news for me

However, she said she is very afraid of starting to see me, mainly due to the risk of hurting me and herself if things get messy and the two of us dont work out as a couple - So on parting company on Sunday, she basically said she didnt feel ready to start seeing me.

I think fear has gripped both of us - i mean i do fancy this girl and i think she is a good person. Also i feel that there is a chance that me and her might work out well as there are certain things i really like in her - her energy, positivity and just general soundness

However, as i write this, am i saying i am besotted with this girl? - Well no, even though i have not been with anyone else since i kissed her. Are there things about her that i find annoying - Yes but i guess none of those things are deal breakers

Am i saying that i love her? Yes as a friend and who knows may be that will grow....

I guess all the uncertainty and the what if's are causing me to doubt if it would be a good idea

I would really like it to work but am just unsure

Wanted to post this so some objective third parties could give me their honest opinions on how i am sounding

Thanks for reading and look forward to replies

Fentdog84

Dunno its a tricky one. On the one hand she has told you she is not up for a relationship ''right now'' which is rarely a positive sign. So theres a good chance you are wasting your time here.

You said your self you are not besotted with her, which of course you dont have to be exactly that but theres no point getting into a relationship with someone unless you really want to, not because you are good mates for a number of years and you find her attractive etc there has to be a mutual thing going on.

But you cant really talk someone into a relationship, you need to use actions/gestures aswell. This probably sounds corny but what if you suprised her in someway, like turn up at hers with a bunch of flowers and ask her on a date.Like a romantic gesture. See what kind of reaction you get from her. If she dosent buy it, well at least you tried something different. Either way, it sounds to me like you need to take control of the situation and avoid waiting around hoping for something to happen. Thats the worst spot to be in.

vwtsi140

Thanks fentdog84 - just to clarify she said that right now, she is unsure of whether to go ahead with seeing me because she is afraid of hurting me and herself if things dont work out

fungun

sounds to me like her feelings are not as strong as yours OP. So from your point of view you are deeming it worth the risk, she seems less inclined. You told her a month ago you liked her and she has had enough time to think about it.

The worst thing here is for her to have you as 'an option' or a 'plan B'. I think right now you have to say ok and move on and start dating again. Either way - it is best for you or should get a response from her if she really is interested.

I am a friend

fungun wrote: »

sounds to me like her feelings are not as strong as yours OP. So from your point of view you are deeming it worth the risk, she seems less inclined. You told her a month ago you liked her and she has had enough time to think about it.

The worst thing here is for her to have you as 'an option' or a 'plan B'. I think right now you have to say ok and move on and start dating again. Either way - it is best for you or should get a response from her if she really is interested.

I agree with this. She has had plenty of time so i would suggest you move on.