My wife had an affair - what to do ? Help

Wtech

Hi,

Id like to say hello to everybody.

Im in huge depression, at the moment and id like to hear opinion of people that may have/had similar situation. ( 2 yrs married and 11 months baby )

Everything started 2 yrs ago when i meet my wife. All was grand and perfect till i got an information that im Hep B, they told it is not End of the World and there is an "Medication" that cud of help me. They made me aware that there is a lot of side effects Link: (http://www.hepatitis-central.com/hcv/ifn/sideeffects.html). We discus it with my wife and decided this is the way to go and i agreed to it. During the time i had some side effects that i never spotted like depression, saddens etc. also during the time i gave not enough attention to my wife, words mainly.
Not so long ago my wife she went with another guy for set up date, he picked her up from Pub, they went to his house. As from what she told they were watching TV she was drunk and she was rude to him all way in car and in the house. She told him that ble they wud have sex only with condoms....
All grand i figured all this on Monday, but during the Sun morning and Monday she was lying all sort of bull****. After she came home Sunday at 3.00am I saw her hiding condoms into another Bag, when she spot me looking at her she came to me smiling and wanted having sex with me. I did not sleep all night went downstairs to look at the condoms there was 4 from 2 diff packs. (diff colours). I started to asking questions about what happened etc. She was lying to me all that time up to Monday she went early from work i asked whats the truth. She came to my work and she told me she meet a guy bcs i did not gave her enough attention. /
I got angry told her i kill myself etc that i kill him. All funny i was on treatment that cud cause me to suicide thinking, she rang my doctor afterwards. Tue my doctor calling me to come for a standard visit and # she telling me that she need to keep me in Psycho Department for 24h to see if all is Ok with me, also she told me my little chance for getting my health back is gone ... i spend over a week there with all those people... Wife she was visiting me and talking to me that she did not want all this.

Now people id like to hear honest opinion what to do next /...
Live and forgive, Leave her ( we have a 11 months baby )

Thanks and Regards
W.

Ps. Sorry for my language, im not perfect.

fungun

Leaving aside the medical parts of your post as you already have advice on them....

Your wife had an affair..or a one night stand? not sure which....hurtful, yes. But she has also said its not because she fell in love with him or loves you less - its because she did not feel she had attention from you. And from your post it sounds like she did not really want to do it with him, sounds more like 'lashing out' at you/her situation. Its also not clear what you mean when you say your wife said 'she does not want all this'

You havent really spoken about what your relationship was like before this but on the assumption that it was healthy I think your marriage deserves another go, but I would suggest some counselling at this time. Clearly this was an enormously stressful time for both of you and at times like this people do silly things/lash out. But you will still feel angry about this....and rightly so, you needed her support, and she failed you.

However it was driven by a stressful situation...for me that does not mean your marriage is rotten to the core...I think it is forgivable if you are willing to really forgive her and move forward from here.

Best of luck in what is a difficult time for you

Wtech

U see, id like to trust her. I love the person. But is quite hard to forgive after all the lies etc. Some stupid thinking got stacked into my head that she had something with that guy. I rang him i asked him, versions were similar but i think she spoke to him before i did, so. I also have strength thinking now that id like to destroy his life same way he destroy my one. Also lack of trust to her is making me angry any time she's somewhere where i can't be.

fungun - thanks for understanding

curlzy

Hey OP,

Have you ever heard the saying "an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind"? It means that revenge is a waste of time and energy and leads to nothing but badness. So please put the idea of revenge against that man out of your head. At the end of the day he isn't married, he didn't cheat on you, your wife did. I'm not saying you should get revenge on her either though!

This seems to have been a bad situation that effected your life and you admit you neglected your wife, that's understandable when you're sick by the way. However, it does sound like your wife regrets what she did and that is good. Could you both work on forgiving each other and making a lovely family life for your child? She can forgive you for neglecting her and you can forgive her for cheating?

If you can both do that and work on looking after each other and your child then you all will have a much much much better life than if you look for revenge or allow yourself to be filled with bitterness.

Having a family is a wonderful gift and worth fighting for, and forgiving someone can be like fighting yourself but you can do it if you try.

Best of luck to you all.

mammaSarah

Wtech wrote: »

Hi,

Id like to say hello to everybody.

Im in huge depression, at the moment and id like to hear opinion of people that may have/had similar situation. ( 2 yrs married and 11 months baby )

Everything started 2 yrs ago when i meet my wife. All was grand and perfect till i got an information that im Hep B, they told it is not End of the World and there is an "Medication" that cud of help me. They made me aware that there is a lot of side effects Link: (http://www.hepatitis-central.com/hcv/ifn/sideeffects.html). We discus it with my wife and decided this is the way to go and i agreed to it. During the time i had some side effects that i never spotted like depression, saddens etc. also during the time i gave not enough attention to my wife, words mainly.
Not so long ago my wife she went with another guy for set up date, he picked her up from Pub, they went to his house. As from what she told they were watching TV she was drunk and she was rude to him all way in car and in the house. She told him that ble they wud have sex only with condoms....
All grand i figured all this on Monday, but during the Sun morning and Monday she was lying all sort of bull****. After she came home Sunday at 3.00am I saw her hiding condoms into another Bag, when she spot me looking at her she came to me smiling and wanted having sex with me. I did not sleep all night went downstairs to look at the condoms there was 4 from 2 diff packs. (diff colours). I started to asking questions about what happened etc. She was lying to me all that time up to Monday she went early from work i asked whats the truth. She came to my work and she told me she meet a guy bcs i did not gave her enough attention. /
I got angry told her i kill myself etc that i kill him. All funny i was on treatment that cud cause me to suicide thinking, she rang my doctor afterwards. Tue my doctor calling me to come for a standard visit and # she telling me that she need to keep me in Psycho Department for 24h to see if all is Ok with me, also she told me my little chance for getting my health back is gone ... i spend over a week there with all those people... Wife she was visiting me and talking to me that she did not want all this.

Now people id like to hear honest opinion what to do next /...
Live and forgive, Leave her ( we have a 11 months baby )

Thanks and Regards
W.

Ps. Sorry for my language, im not perfect.

Wtech,

A few things first of all,

my wife is also HepB - i dont want to comment on the health side of your post too much. But as im sure ur aware, its not the end of the world. and she also had similar side effects to her medication intially.

talking about killing people is a terrible thing to do, whoever it is. Even if the comments are not made seriously. They can be so hurtfull to the mind.

In a nutshell, try to work through this (your baby is not even 1 year old yet - Congratulations btw!) do it for the child.

My offer of a solution would be talk to your partner, listen to what they have to say. WHATEVER the explanation is.

Maybe they feel like they need the spice back and then that can be alot easier to fix?

do you still do atleast SOME of the things you used to do in the start of the relationship?

Try to find time for each other at least one time a week. People do change as they grow. But communication is the best key to the marriage along with friendship!

Ive been married 4 years but i get alot of advice from my grandma/pops they've been married 64 years! older couples are the best ones to get advice from!

There are many good resources and books online and offline that could help you get some insight into your problem.

Myself and others i know have had some very positive results from them.

I cant recommend a specific one for you as they seem to be tailored to certain situations etc. Try looking on Here and look at some of the reviews on there, some of the free ones can be a little wishy washy but they provide a good source of ideas of how to sort out some problems you have - hey the more support the better. (or do what i did and just use the money back option and get your money back from the paid ones! naughty naughty!)


Most importantly, whats always worked for me is to try (its hard i know) and remember that no matter what, your an amazing human being, and that times like this test and build us and our relationships into who and what we are. Stay strong. xx

niallith

sumthin like this happened to me b4, xcept i was on chemo and unmarried ... just stay strong through what your feeling,things will get better ,as for her, she cheated on you,bottom line.. whats gona stop her from doing it again? can you honestly say u can fully forgive her? itl probably just keep coming up in the fututre and make things worse and worse. tis unfortunate that a child may be caught up in all this, but these things happen,not your fault overall if the family is split up.just because u didnt show her enough attention doesnt give her permisiion to do what she did. anyways best of luck in your situation!

woodoo

There is no excuse for what she did. Remember that. This nonsense of not giving her enough attention is her absolving herself of responsibility and trying to lay some blame on you (which is an additional low thing to do). If you weren't married with a kid i'd say run as far as you can from a woman like her.

I have a particular hatred for cheats though... but that's just me.

wexfordgent

Hello OP,


I hope everything works out for you. I have been told the "not enough attention/complements" thing too. I really feel for you man, I hope you are able to have a happy conclusion for you and your child. I am in a lesser situation than you . I don't think she has physically cheated, that I know of.

I know if I was in you situation and had proof like yourself, I would end the marraige because I wouldent be able to deal with the trust issue. I have read on other threads here that most people have a point of no return as whether their releationship is savable or not. Physicial cheating as what happened to you, is the deal breaker for me.

I wish you well. Be strong. We deserve to be happy.

Wtech

Hi in New Year. All the best for All.

Id like to say thank you to people that told me their opinion, I did and didn't work in some cases.

I got news on 26.12 that she had his phone no. and she rang him before and bla bla. She couldn't keep it any longer and she just told me that.. of course i was surprised ( the phone bills from last 2 months are missing when they normally come under my name ).

Have any body used some Married Consulting services in Galway area ?

Regards