Marrying "below you"

Lone Soldier

Hey Everyone,

I really would appreciate your advice on this matter.

I am 30 years old, have a well paying finance job and am very comfortable at the moment. My parents are very middle class and like to keep up with the neighbours (I am from a reasonably fancy area of South Dublin). Anyway the issue is last year I met a guy and fell for him straight away. He is 27 and from what (one might consider) a not so fancy area of Dublin. My parents and furious now that we are engaged. They believe that I should not "marry below me" and that he is not good enough to be my husband. Their opinion is that I am very educated and from a certain type of background and that I should not marry a manual worker who comes from a totally different background. I am an only child and dont want to disappoint them but I love him.

All advice appreciated!

Honey-ec

It can be a tricky one, tbh. It's very easy to say that if you love him and he loves you, fcuk the begrudgers. But you do need to think about certain things. What are his family like? If they're decent people then I don't think you've much to worry about. But if he's the sole good egg in a family of criminals and dole-cheats, then yeah, potentially you're looking at a lot of awkwardness at joint family occasions over the years.

But if he's a decent guy from a decent family who just happens to have the "wrong" accent or postcode, then tell your parents to eff off.

toadfly

Seriously you are 30 years old, its really nothing to do with your parents. I know how much pressure parents can put on you but tell them to butt out. Threaten to elope if they dont support you.

MagicMarker

Tell your parents to get stuffed.

getz

my wife is smaller than me.

Fugs!!

Can I suggest staying engaged for a while. Do not rush into the wedding plans or set a date just yet. This will give your family mor time to get to know him, and for want of a better choice of words, ""Give him a chance to prove his worthiness". If this man loves you as he says than he will do anything to keep you. Also if he feels a little below your standard than time will give him a chance to rise to your level.

I would also have strong words with your parents. They are disrespecting you because of your life choices and that is not the behaviour of any middle class person. They are an inbetween Class so should be aproving of all class of people.

Its you and your fiances choice. Nobody elses.

ntlbell

Honestly,

If you have to ask this question, set him loose and let him find someone that deserves him.

IMO you nor your family do.

Beruthiel

At 30 years of age, what you do and who you marry should be no concern of your parents.
Don't you know your own mind?
At 30, it's time you did.
If my parents were disrespecting the man I was about to marry, they would be called on it pretty sharpish.

I would also question how much you actually care for this man if you are on here asking such things.

bryaner

I'd tell your parents to stick their snobby opinions as far up their arseholes as possible..

saa

Ah its seems like whoever you bring home will not impress mummy and daddy it just sounds like you can always do better, don't listen to it.

I was told by my bf its me or his parents and if he has to choose between us its his parents.
See we weren't getting along at the time, ridiculous. He's coming around to the idea that he is his own person and can't live to please his parents.

padma

That term your parents use, "below you" only exists inside a mind that classes people on their address. It is a sad reflection on certain false understandings about the human family.

theteal

Good to see that your happiness is a primary concern of the auld pair :rolleyes:

From your brief description of their "keeping up with the Jones'" ethos, I can't help but think that this reaction to your happy news is possibly an effort to save face in front of the neighbours - I hope I'm completely wrong as they do seem to have raised an open minded and non-judgmental daughter, kudos to you.

OP, you're 30, I would assume that you're a fair judge of character at this stage in life. This decision is yours and yours alone. They will have to accept your future husband so I would suggest that your main job now is convincing them that your making the right decision and not them convincing you.

efb

I hope the man that marrys me has no problems marrying below them...

mikemac1

Have all four parents met up for a get to know ye meal?

It seems not.
Have you any plans for this yet?

The lads parents are probably lovely and this guy is working, not like he's a dole cheat.

So maybe the parents meeting up would be an idea?

Neutral ground, not an outrageously expensive restaurant in your area which the guys parents might find intimidating

thirtythirty

Lone Soldier wrote: »

Hey Everyone,

I really would appreciate your advice on this matter.

I am 30 years old, have a well paying finance job and am very comfortable at the moment. My parents are very middle class and like to keep up with the neighbours (I am from a reasonably fancy area of South Dublin). Anyway the issue is last year I met a guy and fell for him straight away. He is 27 and from what (one might consider) a not so fancy area of Dublin. My parents and furious now that we are engaged. They believe that I should not "marry below me" and that he is not good enough to be my husband. Their opinion is that I am very educated and from a certain type of background and that I should not marry a manual worker who comes from a totally different background. I am an only child and dont want to disappoint them but I love him.

All advice appreciated!

Very educated? You mean highly educated? You're parents are obviously wrong about you. Also " Could all ye super educated people please explain the actual benefits of a PhD?"

Stop trolling -
"Hey guys, Myself and my boyfriend will be visiting Galway City for the first time early in the new year We are both young and enjoy the odd drink and have a bit of a dance. Well we are young as in mid twenties"

mikemac1

And now posters have wasted their time giving good advice to a troll

Next time when someone has a genuine issue maybe they won't bother

If you love him enough you dont need to be asking people for their advice on this issue, you are old enough to live your own life, I feel sorry for you that you have this "obsticale" in your relationship with your fiance, but you are old enough to handle it like an adult, by telling your parents that you intend to marry him and you would like their blessing. If they still dont agree thats their problem, not yours.

Your parents attitude sucks, the only time you should look down on someone is when you are helping them up.

westies4ever

mikemac1 wrote: »

And now posters have wasted their time giving good advice to a troll

Next time when someone has a genuine issue maybe they won't bother

and i poured my heart out!!! thats just cruel that is!

iguana

I'm locking this thread. The OP can PM me if she wants to have it re-opened.