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Money and relationships

  • 19-12-2011 5:05pm
    #1
    james.xix
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 180 ✭✭


    My gf has been out of work, took up a course and had her social welfare cut because the course it of a level she completed before.
    I've been helping her out over the last few months to tied her over until her grant comes through. I've let her know I can help short-term.
    I've never been too happy of the idea of helping her financially. I'm a believer of both of us being able to stand on our own two feet while helping each other out as partners do.

    Has anyone experience of money causing problems in relationships?

    We don't live with each other at the moment as it's financially better staying where we are. She's eager for us to move in and move our relationship a long. I want us to too but think we both need to be in a better financial position for that, especially her.

    I knew if I started helping her financially I could lose a bit of respect for her. If we're having a discussion over moving in etc. she reckons things are being done on my terms but I think it's a bit rich when I'm supporting her. There's such a thing as biting off the hand that feeds you.

    I wouldn't want to put a figure on it but what's would be considered by many to be a reasonable amount to help someone out with before saying no. Support needs to come from elsewhere like parents etc.?


Comments

  • #2
    inexperienced
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 76 ✭✭inexperienced


    it sounded like you are not happy with the amount of money that you are going to help her. Why did you agree to help then? If you can't help cheerfully, and you would lose your respect to her, better tell her that you can't help, but suggest her ways to get help from others, e.g. parents...

    or you are willing to help, but not that amount of money, be honest to her. tell her that you can only help with such and such amount and she needs to sort out herself ...

    I think there is also trust issue here too. I assume once she has her grant, she will pay you back the money, right? Do you not trust her for doing so?


  • #3
    gmac102
    Closed Accounts Posts: 169 ✭✭gmac102


    are u paying for her rent, food, bills and putting clothes on her back? if thats a no you arent supporting her


  • #4
    cafecolour
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,328 ✭✭✭cafecolour


    Honestly, it depends how long I've been with someone. If I'm only dating someone for like a year to two, I certainly wouldn't be supporting them to any degree.

    If it was going on 10 years, I'd probably happily support them through a course as needed.


  • #5
    Maple
    Hosted Moderators Posts: 16,186 ✭✭✭✭Maple


    OP, you started a thread on this topic approximately 6 weeks ago. Please refer back to it for the advice received then.

    Thread closed.

    Maple


This discussion has been closed.
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