No christmas present...

LegacyUser

I have been dating someone for about 5 months, its not anything very serious...but we are dating etc

anyway, met him last night as it was last time ill see him before xmas, I had a present for him...he had none for me

he said sorry and that he didn't think we were exchanging presents.

to me this means i don't rank anywhere in his life (i know only xmas present) but still you get something small for someone you like just to let them know you are thinking of them, right?

What do you guys think? I am pretty upset by this, am I being silly as its not the most serious of relationships but we do hang out 1/2 a week

Have I been taken for a ride?

Opinions appreciated

Thank you

james.xix

It's hard to say you've been taken for a ride not knowing the commitment of ye're relationship etc.

If the guy was looking for a relationship or anything like that though, I think he would've gotten you a gift. He genuinely might have expected a gift based on ye're relationship etc. If he give you a gift when you meet next it'd be a nice gesture. If he does or not, when next ye meet ye might want to talk rather than presuming the status of ye're relationship.

Virgil°

Your first line says it all. 5 months is an awfully long time to be just "dating" without any progression or commitment (IMHO) and you admit yourself the relationship isn't serious. So I don't see why you're hurt, saying you don't register in his life when the first thing you say in your OP is that its not a serious relationship.
Sounds like neither of you have any idea what's going on in this relationship. You need to talk about it instead of making assumptions based on nothing and causing this kind of event.

Elmidena

Depends; if it's not serious but you hang out a lot maybe he didn't think you'd be exchanging gifts *yet*. The question is really, did you put a lot of time/thought/money into his present? If so then I can understand the hurt, but as others said you need to see where you stand with him and if you're happy with that

To be honest I think you're overreacting. He said sorry.

If it had happened to me, then when he said "I'm sorry", I would have said "Don't worry about it, I just wanted to get you something, we never said we were doing presents".

You got him a present. Unless you had arranged previously to give presents to each other, it's not to be expected that he would have gotten one for you. And I certainly wouldn't class a Christmas present as being a symbol of you having a place in his life.

cafecolour

true-or-false wrote: »

You got him a present. Unless you had arranged previously to give presents to each other, it's not to be expected that he would have gotten one for you. And I certainly wouldn't class a Christmas present as being a symbol of you having a place in his life.

I second the above. Christmas gifts is just one of those things that should be mentioned to someone you're dating (especially the first year) ahead of time - are you exchanging, even a price range even. Leaving it to assumptions just results in problems like this.

You had completely different expectations as to how Christmas gifts would be treated, and it's not his fault for not meeting them it you didn't share your expectations.

fungun

sadoleme wrote: »

I have been dating someone for about 5 months, its not anything very serious...but we are dating
....to me this means i don't rank anywhere in his life (i know only xmas present) but still you get something small for someone you like

I dont get Xmas presents for any of my friends. But obviously would for a gf. But from quotes above it sounds like you see him or want him as a bf, but he doesnt see it that way.

Agree with sunflower that it sounds like he is happy and you want more

meganj

sadoleme wrote: »

I have been dating someone for about 5 months, its not anything very serious...but we are dating etc

So you've been dating for 5months, casually? Did you at any point ask him what the situation was with presents? I ask because for the last two years nearly every person I come into contact over christmas has asked me are we getting presents this year and whats the budget etc, what with money being tight and all.

sadoleme wrote: »

he said sorry and that he didn't think we were exchanging presents.

He said sorry which is a good thing. I've been in a similar situation before and the guy wasn't even embarrassed (we were properly going out for awhile) and I was mortified.

sadoleme wrote: »

to me this means i don't rank anywhere in his life

The key part in this is 'to me'. To him it could be a simple case of he didn't think or if getting you one, that you're dating (casually as you say it's not serious) casually and there's no need, it could be anything. It is only you that is putting this significance on what could indeed be a very significant thing.

Really you should have talked about it with each other so as to avoid this sort of situation. I'd say if you like the guy then why not keep going? Take it as a life lesson and remember on other events like Valentines to ask if he wants to do presents.

Alternatively you could be (I don't think you are..) right and it could by symptomatic of a bigger thing, if this is how you feel you need to sit down and work out how you feel about the relationship, do you want something that he doesn't?

To me it's not that big of a deal but it's your life OP, so you need to work out what you want and then work out how to get it.

Beruthiel

sadoleme wrote: »

I have been dating someone for about 5 months, its not anything very serious...but we are dating etc

What does that mean?
If it is a casual, not serious thing, I can understand why he didn't get you anything.

But, how can it be casual and dating?
If ye are dating for 5 months, is that not a committed relationship at this stage?

I think you need to look at that first and see what it is ye have there.
Seems to me, you think it's one thing and he thinks it's something else.

analucija

A man not bothering to buy a present? That never happened before.

The fact that you didn't discuss before if you are buying presents for each other imo says more about your relationship than him not buying you a present. Those little conversations are very natural and easy when you are comfortable with somebody.

floorpie

You all know what she means by "we're dating but it's not serious", that's hardly an unusual situation, in fact it's basically the norm below a certain age.

Regardless, it's of course fairly weird for him to get NOTHING. Of course after 5 months of hanging out for half the week it's time for giving presents, there's no two ways about it :S And that's taking into account the nebulous definition for their relationship: if you're hanging out with someone for half your time (even work colleagues in a lot of cases :S) you give presents. If we was so sure that it wasn't time, after 5 months, he could've easily asked.

Having said that, i think some people get freaked out about gift giving, so it's hard to say that he was 'taking you for a ride', but again, he could've asked, or said 'no presents'.

The Lovely Muffin

sadoleme wrote: »

he said sorry and that he didn't think we were exchanging presents.

to me this means i don't rank anywhere in his life (i know only xmas present) but still you get something small for someone you like just to let them know you are thinking of them, right? u

OP just because he didn't get you anything, that does not mean you don't rank anywhere in his life.

He apologised and explained he didn't think you were exchanging presents, I'm sure if he had known you had something for him, he would have gotten something for you.

He may get you something now and give it to you when he see's you next, who knows.

Either way, I think you need to talk to him and find out if this is a casual, serious/committed relationship or if you are still dating, because I am guessing (from your post) that you are unsure about that.

Beruthiel wrote: »

What does that mean?
If it is a casual, not serious thing, I can understand why he didn't get you anything.

But, how can it be casual and dating?
If ye are dating for 5 months, is that not a committed relationship at this stage?

I think you need to look at that first and see what it is ye have there.

I agree with this.

floorpie wrote: »

Regardless, it's of course fairly weird for him to get NOTHING. Of course after 5 months of hanging out for half the week it's time for giving presents, there's no two ways about it :S And that's taking into account the nebulous definition for their relationship: if you're hanging out with someone for half your time (even work colleagues in a lot of cases :S) you give presents. If we was so sure that it wasn't time, after 5 months, he could've easily asked.

Having said that, i think some people get freaked out about gift giving, so it's hard to say that he was 'taking you for a ride', but again, he could've asked, or said 'no presents'.

The OP could also have asked, but she didn't, it's not fair to blame him for not asking.

I am with my boyfriend for five months, yet neither of us assumed that we would be doing presents, we talked and decided we would do them.

OP, rather than assuming you were doing presents you should have asked (and so should he), you are both to blame here, there is no point in blaming him because he didn't get you anything, if you didn't talk about it, then he wasn't wrong to assume that you weren't doing presents.

I wouldn't say/think it is weird for him to get nothing, who knows, he may get her something now and give it to her when he see's her next?

floorpie

You're definitely right that they should've talked about it...it's an obvious thing to drop into conversation after 4-5 months, in the run up to christmas...

I still think that it was more strange for him to assume there'd be *no* presents, than for her to assume that there would be. The unevenness of assuming that there's no presents tilts the situation in his favour no matter what the outcome was...i think :S

And it's too late to be buying a present now, nothing says 'i was thinking of you' like a bit of awkward coercion, eh