How to deal with rejection?

LegacyUser

Hi everyone,

I have been studying with a girl I like here in Galway. We have been getting on great, and have a load of fun in each others company. Because I am leaving the course temporarily at the end of December, I decided to ask her out. Her sister from has arrived back in Ireland from Dubai, and my crush is hanging out a lot with her, as is understandable.

I asked her out last week, and she said that she couldn't leave her sister alone in the apartment, as they have limited time together.

I can appreciate that, but I have an awful feeling that she used that as an excuse to use to not go out with me. I was always of the opinion that if a girl liked you enough, she would jump at a chance to go out with you.

Anyway, I really think she is a lovely girl, and am prepared to accept that she mightn't like me in THAT way, but it's hard because she is genuinely a lovely, kind, intelligent, beautiful girl.

How do I deal with this rejection?
Am I right in thinking that she would come out with me if she really wanted to?

Thanks for all responses.

LegacyUser

Sounds like an excuse to me.

Forget about her, move on. Keep your eyes open for another girl who sparks your interest.

going un-reg

dsfdafsadffs wrote: »

Sounds like an excuse to me.

Forget about her, move on. Keep your eyes open for another girl who sparks your interest.

Eh, jump to conclusions much??

Ignore this advice, if everyone took that route, no one would ever hook up. Don't jump to the conclusion so quickly that she's not interested. Remember, her sister has limited time, and she's family, you're just a friend and you're not her boyfriend, so honestly, most people would prioritize their family. It's not like her sister called down from around the corner, it's Dubai. I'm sure she has a lot of catching up to do.

Give her space, give her the time with her sister, then approach her again. You'll know after you approach her once her sister is gone, if she likes you or not. If she gives you another less prominent excuse next time, well then it might be time to think of looking elsewhere.

Good luck buddy

curlzy

Rejected101 wrote: »

I was always of the opinion that if a girl liked you enough, she would jump at a chance to go out with you.

When you make up nonsensical rules or assumptions to tar the opposite gender with, you're going to end up a very lonely person. Just to make myself clear, take your "opinion" that if 'a girl liked you enough she'll jump at the chance to go out with you'.

What if:
- Her house just burned down? Should she still 'jump' for you?
- Her leg has just been removed due to gangrene? Should she still 'jump' for you?
- Her whole family just died in a car crash? Should she still 'jump' for you?
- She has a dibilitating period pain? Should she still 'jump' for you?
- Her sister that lives in the middle east is home for a brief period of time and she wants to spend time with her? Should she still 'jump' for you?

Now granted I'm being a wee bit sarcastic, but I'm doing it in the hope that you see that having this assumptions about people's motives is ridiculous. Be smart, ask again when she has free time.

Her wanting to spend time with her sister isn't a rejection of you and quite frankly it's really self centred of you to see it that way. Her life is her own and she doesn't need to take you into consideration, you're just a friend.

Starokan

I think the best way to deal with rejection in terms of a potential relationship is to not make it to personal. If someone does not want to go out with you, it doesnt make you ugly or boring or not good enough or any of the other reasons that may come into your head.

Circumstance plays a huge part, someone may not be in the frame of mind for a relationship , they may be into somebody else, they may be in a relationship unknown to you. There are boundless reasons why someone may reject someone else.

In this case you need to accept this girl as a friend, she obviously thinks a lot of you to become such a good friend to you.

foxyboxer

You weren't rejected.

Until she gives a definitive and resounding No then you weren't rejected.

ILikeBananas

Congratulations on telling her how you feel. You'd be surprised at the number of men who simply couldn't do that and would resort to making a drunken lunge at someone instead.

As it stands, she hasn't said yes but she hasn't said no. She does however know that you're interested and I'll bet she's thinking about that in the back of her mind. So I think the best thing would be to leave her off and don't put any more pressure on her. The ball is firmly in her court now.

LegacyUser

Hi everone OP here,

Thanks for all replies. Turns out her sister went to a friends house but my 'crush' didn't contact me to tell me. The only solace I'm taking from it is that she is very very shy, and conservative - but that's all.

I suppose there could be a million reasons as to why I wasn't told, and I shouldn't take it personally but how and ever.

I suppose I should just leave her be, as the ball is in her court if she wants to do anything ya know.

Another piece of solace I suppose is that I had the b*ll**ks to ask her out face-to-face and while sober (however nervous it probably looked).

It's tough...

Fentdog84

Im just wondering what way exactly did you ask her out? Did you utter the words ''would you like to go out with me?'' That could be offputting as it sounds quite formal and basically you are asking her to be your gf before anything has actually happened between you.

You would be better ask her in a more casual, indirect way such as would you like to see a movie? Would you like to go for a drink with me? Would you like to go a date with me? etc. That puts less pressure on her and she's more likely to agree, especially if she knows you well and trusts you. And then on the date if things go well, it should all snowball from there. Its just that asking her directly to go out with you(be your gf) you are nailing your colours to the mast too early.

So if you think you still may have a chance with her, ask her out again but this time for a DATE. A drink, a coffee, a walk- whatever. just somewhere where you can get the opportunity to maybe initiate a kiss or even just to take her hand.(dont think the study hall is the best enviroment for that!)

It is of course very possible that she is not interested in you as more than a friend and is fobbing you off. But if your not sure no harm in asking her again, this ''balls' in her court'' Im sorry, dosent work, you need to follow it up. If she says no she says no. Dont worry about rejection, its part of life. All the best.