he won't use a condom

LegacyUser

I've met a guy who seems like the most perfect guy...until, when we slept together for the first time recently he wouldn't use a condom. Now you might wonder why I did it with him without one - going against my better judgement - but he's so much like Mr. Perfect in every other way - kind, intelligent, successful, funny, cute - that I overlooked it when I wouldn't have with anyone else. I'm not on the pill, and told him that, to which he said he wouldn't well...you know...and I don't think he did but really how can I be sure? He said he physically can't do it with one on...but then does he do it unprotected with other girls? Surely that's dangerous! He said all the other girls were on the pill...am I crazy or is this guy a secret sh*thead? Plus, he was prepared to risk me getting pregnant. I did say it to him and he just said "don't like them, never use them". Ok so I need some advise here...this is weird for the first-night sex, right? Guys opinions much appreciated on this one too

tinkerbell

Oh dear OP, you're not dating this guy long and you had total unprotected sex with him - no condom, no pill. I suggest you get yourself to a clinic and get yourself tested for pregnancy and infections.

And his excuse sounds like total rubbish by the way. He sounds like a moron - totally reckless and an idiot - willing to get a girl who he barely knows pregnant just to have sex. Sounds like a right catch.

gerryk

Secret sh*thead? I think he's a pretty blatant sh!thead. He would wilfully disregard your wishes and your health for his own pleasure? Not the actions of the 'kind, intelligent' individual you believe him to be.

Colonel_McCoy

Ask yourself how many people has he had unprotected sex with?? STD!!!! Move on, he obviously has no respect for you if is willing to get you pregenant or give you a STD,

Taltos

OP let me be blunt here.

Him not being able to have sex with a condom is his problem.
You getting pregnant or getting an STD will be yours...

Someone who shows so little regard for your health or wellbeing is all the more likely to run and hide when you tell him you are pregnant. Don't kid yourself here - while no method is 100% safe, not using a condom is a surefire way to get yourself a load of pain.

Oryx

He is not Mr Perfect. He is Mr Selfish-and-Incredibly-Stupid. I remember my sex ed teacher telling me there was a name for those who use the withdrawal method of contraception: Parents.

silly

He is not mr perfect, I know a girl who's boyfriend wouldn't use protection, she now has 2 kids with him.

Big Bag of Chips

If he insists on not using a condom, and you're happy enough to go along with that get yourself on the pill, and make sure you don't have sex again until you are both tested for STIs, and the results come back clear.

I guess if you suggest this to "Mr. Perfect" it may well be the last you see of him!

ElleEm

OP. You have just made a really REALLY big mistake. You could have contracted and STI and or be pregnant. He doesn't need to ejaculate for sperm to be present. Never ever have unprotected sex-its that simple,unless u fancy a baby or an infection. And that bloke is an asshole. But you're also to blame for going along with. I'd imagine his 'perfect in every other way' demeanor has led to loads of other girls trusting him not to be carrying an infection.

cocokay

can't believe you even considered going ahead with it never mind doing it! im 32 and have NEVER had unprotected sex. he sounds like a total ASS!!

kitten29

When me and my boyfriend first had sex he didn't use a condom and hasn't since. It shocked me at first but I'm on the pill though and he was tested for an STI. He said he doesn't like using them at all. He only ever used them when he didn't know the girl i.e. a one-night stand:o.

I would recommend you going on the pill at least and maybe the next time you have unprotected sex take the morning after pill. Ask him to get tested for an STI like the previous poster has said. Then at least you won't have to worry too much.

Honey-ec

OP, you've not only slept with him, you've also slept with every other person he's ever had unprotected sex with. Go and get yourself a full STI screening, although you should be aware that some conditions (e.g. HIV) can take up to 6 months to appear.

And kick him to the kerb. Seriously, Mr. Perfect???

Firetrap

You really don't know how many other women he has charmed into having unprotected sex. Or indeed what planet he is on to be taking such risks with his own sexual health. It's one thing not to like using condoms but another to put himself and you at risk of catching an STI or becoming parents.

You need to get yourself tested for STIs asap and himself too if you intend to continue this. And in the meantime use a condom. You'll see soon enough how much he respects you depending on how he reacts to your wishes.

S23

I'm putting on my honest hat here because I'm rarely this blunt with an OP but in cases this extreme I feel it's warranted. I literally cannot believe what I've read

He's a f**king devious little sh*thead and you're being a stupid little girl. I cannot believe you consented to have unprotected sex with someone who openly admitted having unprotected sex with multiple other partners. And you did so on the first date. And you did so because he spun you some bull**** excuse. And you based all this on him being Mr Right? Are you f**king insane?

OP get a f**king grip of yourself. You need to go to a clinic and get tested and pray that one of the other idiots he managed to talk into having unprotected sex with him didn't give him something.

You're playing Russian Roulette with your entire life engaging in this type of behaviour. If you are very, very young it might explain it to an extent as you might have a lack of life experience. Regardless of this you need to take this a big lesson in cop the f**k on and make sure it never happens again.

I hope you're okay and things pan out well after the test.

Oryx

S23 tone down the language. Make your points without the swearing, thank you.

tenchi-fan

unregistered today wrote: »

He said all the other girls were on the pill...am I crazy or is this guy a secret sh*thead?

I don't think he's the only sh*thead.

unregistered today wrote: »

Plus, he was prepared to risk me getting pregnant.

No, you were prepared to risk yourself getting pregnant. The only thing he was risking was catching something himself.

You're not the victim here. Stay away from this guy until both of you learn about personal responsibility.

You're not a dog in heat so learn how to control yourself.

Big Bag of Chips

unregistered today wrote: »

Plus, he was prepared to risk me getting pregnant.

He wasn't going to get you pregnant by himself. YOU also were prepared to risk you getting pregnant.

If you got pregnant and he didn't want a baby, he could very very easily just walk away from you. It wouldn't be quite so easy for you.

So while I think both people have a responsibility towards contraception, when it comes to pregnancy (or avoiding pregnancy) I think the girl HAS TO take more responsibility for contraception. Because ultimately, she's going to be the one left with the responsibilty of the baby if the guy decides to walk.

And that's before we ever start talking about STIs.

fungun

Sorry guys, but we dont know what the relationship is like, I see nothing saying it was a one night stand, they might be going out months for all we know!

However aggressively given, a lot of the advice is spot on OP. If not on the pill, do not have unprotected sex unless you are willing to risk pregnancy and (even if you are on the pill) an STI. Especially since he has dont this before with a number of girls. Get yourself and him tested ASAP, and if this is a long term gig then get yourself on the pill if you are happy to do so. I assume from your post it is too late for the morning after pill?

But really, if you are not on the pill and he is not willing to use a condom then he should not be expecting sex. And if you are willing to let this happen, then you would want to be prepared to be a single mother.

Da Shins Kelly

You're both as irresponsible as each other. His excuse sounds like a crock of sh*t, and you letting him have sex with you without a condom is ludicrous given you're not on the pill. Get yourself to a clinic and have a bit of common sense in future.

Sleepy

Also, OP, if you decide to keep seeing this idiot, make sure you listen to your doctor when he/she is prescribing your pill. There are millions of mothers around the world who were on the pill when they fell pregnant: even a common cold can cause oral contraception to fail.

sarahbro

My ****head of an ex played the whole "i cant do it with one" card and i stupidly fell for it. So did all the girls he cheated on me with!
I was very lucky and came out clear!
He now has 2 kids to 2 girls because he "couldn't with.one"
It's not worth the risk!

Neyite

Op, Please, please tell me that you at least got the Morning After Pill?


I guarantee that if you point blank refused to have any form of sex iwth him without rubbering up, he would soon get over his physiological issue :rolleyes:. Its one thing being a pushover, but very much another when you are being a pushover and putting your future health and fertility at risk.

He sounds like a dirty diseased idiot. And if he isnt diseased yet, its only a matter of time. But the idiot part he has in spades. A man like this is worthless, no matter how good looking and sound you think he is.

I have yet to meet a man who is fond of condom wearing. Of course sex is nicer without them. But the vast majority of men also see them as a lesser evil and recognise that they prevent pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections.

There is already a thread here about a girl who is facing a crisis pregnancy because he went in for 10 seconds without a condom and didnt even ejaculate. Get rid of this guy. Then get tested.

Janet1986

Get rid of him :mad:

I thought the guy i was seeing was Mr perfect.

Working in the health profession, older etc

Until i found out he was married, sneeky, selfish etc

He too 'couldn't perform' with a condom.

I picked up an sti from him and felt so ashamed of myself.

Good riddance to bad rubbish.

username123

No cap no swim.

If he cant perform with a condom, then leave him to use his hand. God knows what you could pick up off someone who lives this way as a mantra.

Theres no way Id touch him again without a full sexual health check for both of you, the pill for you, and until that kicks in, condoms for him.

You do realise that to have unprotected sex with someone carries far more serious risks than pregnancy - which is the least of your issues, pregnancy is nothing compared to your LIFE. You could have contracted anything, invisible things like chlmydia that wreck your fertility, nasty itchy things like crabs, genital warts, genital herpes, and what about the biggies like the various Hepatitis's and HIV? Do you really want to be worrying about whether or not you will have to live out your reduced lifespan on a triple drug treatment and never have normal bodily fluid contact with someone ever again?

Crazy behaviour - and YOU are responsible. You said it was ok, you are not looking after yourself - I suggest you try to learn some self respect and self control and a bit of cop on about what constitutes Mr Perfect.

robindch

unregistered today wrote: »

[...] he wouldn't use a condom [...] said he physically can't do it with one on [...]

As everybody else has said or implied, you've just slept with everybody he's slept with, everybody they've slept with and so on down a very, very long line indeed.

Get thyself to a clinic; get thyself fully checked; then ask for info on safe sex.

Chinafoot

kitten29 wrote: »

When me and my boyfriend first had sex he didn't use a condom and hasn't since. It shocked me at first but I'm on the pill though and he was tested for an STI. He said he doesn't like using them at all. He only ever used them when he didn't know the girl i.e. a one-night stand:o.

I would recommend you going on the pill at least and maybe the next time you have unprotected sex take the morning after pill. Ask him to get tested for an STI like the previous poster has said. Then at least you won't have to worry too much.

The bit in bold is ridiculously irresponsible advice. You're basically suggesting that the OP should use the MAP as a form of contraception akin to the regular pill.

OP, in the nicest possible way, cop on to yourself.

This guy is an irresponsible scumbag with no regard for your health or his own. If he is refusing point blank to wear a condom then he clearly doesn't care all that much about you.

He's a creep and you need to get a grip on yourself and stop being so reckless.

kitten29

I'm sorry if you took me up wrong Chinafoot. I didn't mean to say that the MAP can be used haphazardly. I have used it only as an Emergency when i missed taking a pill and didn't want to have an accident. That's just me. Everyone has their own specific form of contraception suited to themselves.

OP, you and he will have to use some form of contraception if you want to keep having sex without consequences. We don't know your full situation but please listen to the advice given on this thread.

dellas1979

Well, Im sure the OP will have at least one good pregnancy/STI scare, and that will put things in perspective, if she is not already pregnant/STI.

Wompa1

What I don't get from the story is. When he said he couldn't perform with a condom was he being forceful with you? Did you say oh lets do it anyway?

Even so it's still a dumbass move on his part because there wouldn't be enough of a trust to suggest you'd get the morning after pill or that you yourself didn't have an STI. I'm suprised it didn't come up before you tried to have sex...