Hanging Out - Dating

dceire

I vaguely remember a thread on boards regarding men and women/men 'hanging out' these days as opposed to dating. I hang out with female friends of mine on occasion but would never consider us being on a date (one of their boyfriends would disagree). Meanwhile, there is another girl friend of mine who I have been out for drinks and to a few gigs with who I would very much like to date; there are several complications in this situation.

Anyway, when do you consider a date to be a date and hanging out to be just that? This applies to people you've just met and those you've known for some time.

Dravokivich

I'd consider'em to be seperate.

cruizer101

Is it not just as simple as if you plan kissing the girl its a date otherwise its not. That would be my thinking anyway.

BigDuffman

Hanging out really depends on your intentions? Its not hanging out if your ultimate objective is to get in her knickers.

mariebeth

I would agree with the above, it's not hanging out if the intentions are phsyical.

Pembily

Hanging out = no loving...
Dating = loving

Sauve

It can be difficult to make the transition from hanging out to dating...
I'm a bloody eejit for making friends with guys I fancy, instead of making my intentions clear from the start.
So for me the definition can become a little blurred. In my head anyway...
Silly girl that I am :rolleyes:

dancoxkilc

http://youtu.be/EbH3bAvTYjg

dceire

Sauvignon82 wrote: »

It can be difficult to make the transition from hanging out to dating...
I'm a bloody eejit for making friends with guys I fancy, instead of making my intentions clear from the start.
So for me the definition can become a little blurred. In my head anyway...
Silly girl that I am :rolleyes:

This is kind of what I was getting at. If one party intends for things to go somewhere but the other doesn't, or at least doesn't make these intentions clear, it surely counts as merely hanging out. I just think that if you arrange to meet someone the line between hanging out and a date seems distorted unless explicitly stated.

G-Money

I don't really bother with this. In my mind the worst mistake you can make with someone you fancy is to be friends first as I think it's a hard trap to get out of, especially if you are a guy.

If you naturally were friends first then something develops, that's different. But going in from the start and agreeing to be "just friends" when you know you want more is a big mistake in my book.

Takes a bow

Kiva.D

Hanging out is the best way to find out if you even want to date each other.
I think hanging out is the best way to casually date.
Dating seems too contrived, too formal.

Kev.OC

Hanging out never works for me. Just get friend-zoned... :rolleyes:

dceire

Kiva.D wrote: »

Hanging out is the best way to find out if you even want to date each other.
I think hanging out is the best way to casually date.
Dating seems too contrived, too formal.

I used to think this but ended up in the friend zone far too often for my liking. Recently I've been trying to lay my cards on the table from early on; although, I am currently in a situation where I've been hanging out with a girl for a while and need to break out of the friend zone.

Kiva.D

dceire wrote: »

I used to think this but ended up in the friend zone far too often for my liking. Recently I've been trying to lay my cards on the table from early on; although, I am currently in a situation where I've been hanging out with a girl for a while and need to break out of the friend zone.

Doesn't the friendship zone mean you've earned her trust and developed a connection? :cool: Sounds to me like a great place to be, and to start from. Falling for friends is the best. What is holding you back? What if she's thinking the same thing? If it turns out there isn't an attraction, you still have a good friend and you won't be in any more angst about where the relationship is heading, atleast for the moment...

unattendedbag

Kiva.D wrote: »

If it turns out there isn't an attraction, you still have a good friend and you won't be in any more angst about where the relationship is heading, atleast for the moment...

Not nessecarily. Going for broke when she is not attracted to you can ruin a friendship. It can cause awkwardness between two people and she may never speak to you the same way again. It's always a risk trying to move from friendzone

Kiva.D

unattendedbag wrote: »

Not nessecarily. Going for broke when she is not attracted to you can ruin a friendship. It can cause awkwardness between two people and she may never speak to you the same way again. It's always a risk trying to move from friendzone

Sorry for the bad suggestion then... Don't want to ruin anyone's friendship.
...Just talking from my own experience iz all.

I wonder though, if you're good friends, shouldn't you be close enough to have an inkling whether or not she's attracted to you? (know what I mean?)

leggo

This is gonna sound harsh, but if people find the line blurred, they should get a set of balls, take control of the situation and be more forthright with their intentions from the get-go. Not a dig at you OP, just one of those things that needs to be said. I made the same mistake myself in my youth!

dceire

leggo wrote: »

This is gonna sound harsh, but if people find the line blurred, they should get a set of balls, take control of the situation and be more forthright with their intentions from the get-go. Not a dig at you OP, just one of those things that needs to be said. I made the same mistake myself in my youth!

No, dude you're totally right in my particular situation. I've been making a conscious effort to make my intentions clear from the get go these days.

On the original topic though, I still think that the line can be blurred. I know two friends in particular who are obviously crazy about each other, and have been for years, but have only ever hung out. One of them is now off to London with her new boyfriend.

Antomus Prime

Kiva.D wrote: »

Sounds to me like a great place to be, and to start from.

You've obviously never gotten trapped in the Friends Zone, it's almost impossible to get out of. Two people being friends and then falling for each other is totally different to fancying someone, becoming friends and then trying to make a move! And I'm speaking from plenty of experience in making a balls of things with girls I like.

Catxscotch

In fairness, friends will always just "know". I used to hang out with a guy, I always knew he wanted to be more than friends, and he tried making it pretty clear at times, but I just didn't have those feelings for him so I always ignored it. It never got awkward cause he didn't have the balls to say it out loud, I'm glad for that!!

Antomus Prime

Catxscotch wrote: »

In fairness, friends will always just "know". I used to hang out with a guy, I always knew he wanted to be more than friends, and he tried making it pretty clear at times, but I just didn't have those feelings for him so I always ignored it. It never got awkward cause he didn't have the balls to say it out loud, I'm glad for that!!

Would you not have just said it to him and put him out of his misery? If you never said it how would he know that there was no chance of you two hooking up? I'd much rather that.... But then in saying that, I would say it to the girl... and have done recently enough, and although I'm not glad that she said she wasnt interested that way, I am glad that I know and didnt dwell on it

Sonics2k

Being "Friend-Zoned" is one of the worst things in the world.

Antomus Prime

Sonics2k wrote: »

Being "Friend-Zoned" is one of the worst things in the world.

Sure is!! Worst thing about the time i mentioned is that her response was that she's not looking for anything right now.... when I know full well that she's just not interested in me that way so I would have much prefered she just say it out straight, but she was probably trying to do it as nicely as she could in her head, but i still would have prefered she said it out straight. Life's too short for side stepping and mind games

G86

If you've been 'hanging out' for a while, then it's unlikely you're ever going to date - or it would have happened already.

seanbmc

Kiva.D wrote: »

Hanging out is the best way to find out if you even want to date each other.
I think hanging out is the best way to casually date.
Dating seems too contrived, too formal.

Agree, both parties seem more relaxed with the situation too.

snafuk35

Hanging with women? Why??? That's for gay men and wussies.
A real man has sex with as many women as he possibly can and is always trying to steal the wives and girlfriends of other men.
Why would you want to hanging out with a women unless you are self-hating sadist and you are beating down your old chap with a rubber mallet?
It's actually sick inducing! What are you going to be doing? Holding her handbag, agreeing to give your opinion her choice of dress or shaking hands like a wimp with the real men who are approaching her and then agreeing to leave because they want some privacy? I would sooner slit my throat.

Otis Driftwood

snafuk35 wrote: »

Hanging with women? Why??? That's for gay men and wussies.
A real man has sex with as many women as he possibly can and is always trying to steal the wives and girlfriends of other men.
Why would you want to hanging out with a women unless you are self-hating sadist and you are beating down your old chap with a rubber mallet?
It's actually sick inducing! What are you going to be doing? Holding her handbag, agreeing to give your opinion her choice of dress or shaking hands like a wimp with the real men who are approaching her and then agreeing to leave because they want some privacy? I would sooner slit my throat.

Im going to give you the benefit of the doubt here and will take the above comment as being said with your tongue firmly in cheek,I hope Im correct in that.

stupidusername

Sonics2k wrote: »

Being "Friend-Zoned" is one of the worst things in the world.

You mean being rejected is? A person is only permanently friend-zoned when they're not attractive to their person of interest. Being friends with someone you're attracted to is possible,it's not like relationships never happen between friends.

Sky King

If you've been in the friend zone a while, it's very hard to get into the 'potential score' zone in my experience.

stupidusername

Sky King wrote: »

If you've been in the friend zone a while, it's very hard to get into the 'potential score' zone in my experience.

She either fancies you or she doesn't,tbh

Dravokivich

I've gotten to know some fantastic women over the years who I'd of considered to be good mates. Had a few lads hounding me over why I was never going for anything with'em as it appeared they were "keen," I never saw'em as anything more then mates.

...oh wait, is this only meant to be a thing against guys?

To be brutally honest, I find the use of the phrase "Friend Zone" to be nothing more then bullshít. It's often thrown around as a means to validate or put forward a reason as to why a guy isn't getting stuck into a girl other than she's just not interested.

Daftendirekt

Dravokivich wrote: »

To be brutally honest, I find the use of the phrase "Friend Zone" to be nothing more then bullshít. It's often thrown around as a means to validate or put forward a reason as to why a guy isn't getting stuck into a girl other than she's just not interested.

Well... Isn't that essentially what it means? That she isn't interested in him as anything other than a friend?

Dravokivich

Daftendirekt wrote: »

Well... Isn't that essentially what it means? That she isn't interested in him as anything other than a friend?

I took the use of the phrase "friend zone" to mean, once a friend there's never anything more.

A lack of interest would not generally be due to already being friends with someone.

Kev.OC

This thread reminds me of the video linked below.

http://thechive.com/2011/12/08/why-men-and-women-cant-be-friends-video/

Kiva.D

Antomus Prime wrote: »

You've obviously never gotten trapped in the Friends Zone, it's almost impossible to get out of. Two people being friends and then falling for each other is totally different to fancying someone, becoming friends and then trying to make a move! And I'm speaking from plenty of experience in making a balls of things with girls I like.

Actually, Antomus Prime, your description of 'fancying someone, becoming friends and then trying to make a move' is a better definition of what I was referring to. That was exactly my (positive) experience. It's what makes makes me (as a girl) think hanging out having a good time just doing comfortable, fun activities each of you enjoys, building trust and making a connection can promote and enhance a romantic relationship.

But I can see, from reading all the posts that it is not same for most, since it seems easy to get stuck in a 'friend-only-zone' with no perceivable way out (which surely must be frustrating). As for me, I prefer hanging out...and if there is a spark well, it feels more naturally romantic than formally dating - which feels uncomfortable, contrived and too forced (atleast for me).

Snowie

Antomus Prime wrote: »

Would you not have just said it to him and put him out of his misery? If you never said it how would he know that there was no chance of you two hooking up? I'd much rather that.... But then in saying that, I would say it to the girl... and have done recently enough, and although I'm not glad that she said she wasnt interested that way, I am glad that I know and didnt dwell on it

any dude who falls for a female friend more then once is a glutin for punishment.

there is no excuse to being in that situation other then sheer desperateness, Im sorry there are plenty of attractive classy fun easy going funny interesting beautiful crazy quirky neurotic, laddies out there for us all :pac:

having to hit on a friend is some what betraying of trust...

Otis Driftwood

The thing is though Snowie,you cant help who you fall for.

There have been a few instances throughout my life that Id get friendly with someone and at the beginning it would be purely platonic but as I got to know them I realised that they were pretty hot/cool etc.

Its really not as simple as just dont let it happen.

Snowie

Otis Driftwood wrote: »

The thing is though Snowie,you cant help who you fall for.

There have been a few instances throughout my life that Id get friendly with someone and at the beginning it would be purely platonic but as I got to know them I realised that they were pretty hot/cool etc.

Its really not as simple as just dont let it happen.

I think you can.. Im 30 years of age and have had my fair shares of ups and downs with women but I think to a degree, how can you truly honestly look back and say I know I could be with that woman if the girl in question doesn't feel that about you...

Its easy to go after a female friend or let your self fall theres no work to be done your already there. all you gotta do is make a move.

i agree with you can't help with who you fall in love with, btu if it had happened it already would of done ... How ever I am aware of the hole being friends drunken kiss 10 years later they have kids a dog a space wagon ...
opertunites present them selves thats my take on life man....

Tazium

Opinions are like arseholes, everyone has one.

I see nothing wrong with developing a relationship from a friend start. Just aim for attractive friends

leggo

Gotta agree with Snowie. Like I'd have little phases where I'd have crushes on female friends...but that's moreso along the lines of "I'd actually bang you if you were single/we didn't work together/we weren't close friends", then fizzles out after a couple of weeks. I think that's natural when you're close with someone and spend time around them for so long. But it's nothing to write home about. Just hormones being hormones.

On the other hand, falling hopelessly in love with close friends constantly reeks of desperation/lack of options. The type who fall in love with someone just because they give them a modicum of attention because they simply don't get it elsewhere. Again, harsh but true. But the lad should at least learn from it and use the experience to find other options. To keep repeating the mistake is just a bit sad.