Counselling: am I expecting too much?

LegacyUser

I've been attending a councillor for the past couple of months. This is my first time going to counselling. He's a sound guy but I am just not getting the insight which I expected from this process. I don't want to pay somebody just to listen to me. I'm all "talked out" at present. I just can't think of much else to say. I want to get some feedback, some insight, into understanding myself better. I need a context for understanding myself and if some of my things are unusual are quite normal. I just want to deal honestly with the past, and move on. I don't currently feel I'm getting the catharsis which I expected from this.

I'm going to have to stop going to this guy, but I'm wondering am I expecting too much from counselling? Is there any particular type of counselling that would be able to give me the type of insight which I need?

Any suggestions would be great. Thanks

cafecolour

You're not expecting too much from counseling. Your incorrect expectation is that all therapists are created equal. 'Wheel-spinning' as you describe can definitely occur with a mediocre one.

Shop around until you find one you click with. When I decided to go to counseling a number of years back, it took me 3 tries before I found one that was helpful, and it was definitely worth the effort.

Seraphina

OP there are also many different types of counselling, and you need to look into the methods different counsellors use and their levels of training. These people are not psychologists or psychiatrists, and can often offer you little other than a sympathetic ear and some general life advice.

Also realise that many people who go to counselling are just in need of someone to talk to, and don't expect the counsellor do 'offer insight' into themselves etc.

You need to sit down and really think about what you want from counselling, and then investigate different counsellors and what type of services they offer. And remember, talking about things more and more often makes them seem more complex and overwhelming than they actually are. My boyfriend is currently in counselling, and I'm actually fairly convinced it's doing him more bad than good.

LegacyUser

If you don't think you're getting anything worthwhile from this one, try another.

I've had reason to go to see them. The first one was grand but I only went twice. The second one I saw a few years later and I'd go back to her in a flash because I thought she was great. She did give me some startling insights into how my mind worked, made me feel better about myself and certainly pinpointed things that I'd never have spotted by myself.

LegacyUser

I went to see someone for a few months and she sat there, literally saying hello and leaving me to speak. I didn't need to just speak, I was looking for constructive help with my issues - procrastination mainly.

Seeing someone else now who is what I need. Advice, practical things to do to get me through my issues.

LegacyUser

In the past fifteen years, I've seen three of them.

The first was a bit too CBT for my liking (wrist tapping and stuff) and I also don't think I was ready for the process, so I only saw him 3 times. I went to the next one at a time of crisis. She was rubbish, it was like talking to a friend. Yes, she was very sympathic but that's not what I went to her for. I saw her about seven or eight times, cause I was in crisis, but when I look back on it I actually feel annoyed that's she's taking people's money. Ok, she's a nice woman but a rubbish counsellor. Anyway, six months ago I gave it another shot and found a good therapist! There was a few times I almost stopped going as this person was quite bossy, but over time, after a bit of resistance, I came to recognise some stuff. But it is a long process.

So yeah, shop around!

LegacyUser

Thanks. Some hopeful replies. As I'm looking for somebody who can give me a bit more insight, I'm wondering though is there some sort of counselling style or technique that I should be looking for in a new counsellor? Are there "schools" of counselling approaches that would be more appropriate for my above need?

Thanks again.