Should I feel Gulity?

LegacyUser

Hey everyone, need some advice with my current situation!

I have just told my ex boyfriend that I want nothing to do with him anymore and he is taking it pretty badly, he is saying things like he is going to kill himself if I cut contact. I don’t know what to do with all this, my decision was made after I took everything that has happened over the past year into account.

My ex moved abroad for 6 months in January of this year, when he came back I found out that he had told friends over there that he had no girlfriend at home, that he had no interest in me, and that he repeatedly and consistently cheated on me (he even had a little thing going on with his housemate). When he came back he acted as if nothing happened and denied that he had ever been with anyone else, I found out about his cheating through the women he cheated on me with. He then went abroad for the summer and we broke up. Naturally enough I was devastated and spent the whole summer depressed and crying myself to sleep every night, whilst he was off sleeping with other girls and having a great time for himself. He still to this day doesn’t know the extent of my depression over those 3 months, he thinks I am exaggerating as I am an “attention seeker”.

After he came back, he started to meet up with me again. I was still in love with him so I continued seeing him, we were getting on really well and meeting up quite regularly. He told me he still loved me, and he would go mental if he thought I had gone off with another lad (I never did). He was saying that I should just forget about everything that happened and we could try again, I stupidly relented.

This week however, I sort of had an epiphany so to speak. I have finally realised what a twat this lad is and no matter how hard I try, I can’t forgive him for what he has done. I have come to this realisation because of his actions over the past few months (using me for accommodation, expecting me to wait on him, expecting me to accept his taunts and insults). I told him I don’t ever want to see or speak to him again, and ever since then I have been receiving various texts and calls from him, telling me how he is going to kill himself (he threatened to swallow pills last night for example) and how I am a bad person if I move on. I have explained that I can’t be his counsellor (he has a lot of problems and I have been helping him through them) and he should talk to his friends about them rather than his ex girlfriend. I feel that he is a user, I cannot understand how he has feelings for me when he makes me feel so horrible about myself.

My question is do you think I’m being selfish in breaking contact? I understand that he is upset and all that but I just don’t think it’s right being there for him when he wasn’t there for me. He is making me feel so guilty about everything, he says that I’m the only person who knows about his problems and once I’m gone he will be alone. This is really upsetting me at the moment

A0

You have the answer to your questions, just read your post...
And, how can you love someone who cheats on you? Just dump him, who cares what he'll feel? He cheats on you and you meet him again? Weird...

Chinafoot

feelingsobad wrote: »

My question is do you think I’m being selfish in breaking contact? I understand that he is upset and all that but I just don’t think it’s right being there for him when he wasn’t there for me. He is making me feel so guilty about everything, he says that I’m the only person who knows about his problems and once I’m gone he will be alone. This is really upsetting me at the moment

He is a selfish man-child.

You have absolutely no obligation to this bloke and you would be doing yourself an enormous favour by cutting him out of your life completely.

Threats of suicide are despicable. How hypocritical of him to call you an attention seeker! This guy is a creep who is using emotional blackmail to try to keep you around. Don't fall for it. You have nothing to feel guilty about.

He destroyed your relationship through his deceit and betrayal and he needs to deal with the consequences of his behaviour. Cut him out and don't give him a second thought.

Neyite

Dont fall for his act. I'm pretty sure he will get well consoled elsewhere. His threats of self-harming are his problem, not yours. That sounds harsh, but his sole purpose here is to manipulate and control you.

Walk away, change your number, and let a trusted friend /relative of his know if he does threaten to self harm. But I am pretty sure its all an act.

Mighty_Mouse

It's emotional blackmail.
He is no longer your responsibility.
The onus is on him to sort himself out.

There's no need for dramatic "don't call me". "its over" conversations.
This will only serve him the drama he needs for self-absorption.

Slowly but surely reduce contact over the coming weeks until he is phased out of your life.

tyview

Neyite wrote: »

Walk away, change your number, and let a trusted friend /relative of his know if he does threaten to self harm.

OP, this is exactly what I was going to post too. Just cut contact completely. Tbh, I would even suggest going and getting another phone number, as in tomorrow! The more you have to listen to him, the more likely it is that you will cave in. Get a new SIM, before you put it in your phone send him a text telling him that you have a new number and do not want to be contacted again by him. Selfish, selfish p***k!

Lola18

I have a fair idea how your feeling op, I was in a similar situation 4 years ago. My ex kept threatening to kill himself if I didn't stay with him but he had done so much on me. In the end I told him to go ahead there was nothing I could do to stop him and I broke all contact. He's just blackmailing you and trying to control you, don't let him continue it. He'll get over it and you'll be so much happier.

johnr1

A0 wrote: »

You have the answer to your questions, just read your post...
And, how can you love someone who cheats on you? Just dump him, who cares what he'll feel? He cheats on you and you meet him again? Weird...[/QUOTE]

First bit bolded:
What the other person does with our love often doesen't affect that love for them.
Second bit bolded:
Not so weird actually, if you read the stories here regularly, people do it all the time.

Neither of these things are rational, but they are what people in love often do.

OP, I agree with Neyite, the sole purpose of this crap is to get you to take him back. Think about it, - did he ever mention thinking of suicide
before you finally got your thoughts together and dumped him?
I bet not.
Either way, it's not your problem as Sunflower says, what are you supposed to do? stay with someone who cheats on you repeatedly, whom you know you can't respect any more, just because he wants you to, and is willing to pull this crap to get what he wants?

I bet he's sorry he cheated now, but only because he got caught.

nono2011

please walk away from him. i was in the same position as you and I stuck it out for 7 years, missed out on most of my early twenties because of a jerk that treated me exactly like he did, stil to this day if he got his chance he would make my life hell but I had to change my ph no. and email to get him to leave me alone...
It took me years to see and realise that you are only responsible for your own actions. what he does is his doing not yours... he does not own you.. Do not let him rule your life, change your number and stay strong