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can't live with him, can't live without him

  • 02-12-2011 3:15pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years back in September. There were loads of reasons, mostly to do with long distance and money, none of which are solved now and the reasons are still valid for us to be apart. We couldn't make it work no matter how hard we tried and it was really affecting us in a negative way. But how long before I stop missing him?? I think about him all the time. I'm able to focus on my work now, which is what I wanted, but I can't move on from wishing he was back in my life. I miss phoning him every time something happens, or to tell him what I bought or what I ate for dinner. I miss skyping him when I can't sleep. He was my best friend. I know we can't be together (its complicated but he can't move to the UK, not for a few years anyway) but how long do I have to feel like this? He feels the same way too, although he admits it is better than us being "together" and fighting all the time out of frustration.
    I feel annoyed - at the economy (for not letting us have careers in the same country), at myself (for not just packing everything in an moving home and accepting being broke)...I'm scared about a future where I am alone and regretting leaving the love of my life for a job even if it did take me years of study and training to get this far. Maybe I deserve to be lonely because real women make sacrifices for love.
    I need to move on - but I don't know how:-(


Comments

  • #2
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Dont blame the economy or yourself or anything else for this not working. Laying blame may make you feel momentarily better but it does not resolve the conflict in your head. 'You want to be together but you cant' is what I've gotten from your post, so decide one thing. Would you do anything to have this person in your life? Is this person 'the one'?

    I had a similar experience a few years ago. My long time girlfriend wanted to go to college in England, and she did. It broke my heart to see her go but it's her life, not mine. So every Friday I would start work mad early, finish early and get the evening boat to Hollyhead arriving around midnight. Then I'd drive till 4am to get to her. Spend about 24 hours there and head off again until next week. It was costly but I stopped spending money on everything else to make the trip.

    My point is I decided somewhere along the lines that she is the one for me. I was willing to do anything to be with her, anything. Long distance whatever, weeks wages spent on ferry tickets and petrol. What ever it took, didn't matter.

    My advice to you is have a good hard think about your situation. Allow yourself time to be comfortable with your decision whatever might be then with an inner power that might surprise you, you've got to take the next step. If that's selling your worldly goods and moving to be with him than GO. If it's moving on with your life without him then DO IT. Meet new people, go out with your mates, take up a hobby but don't leave yourself in this angst ridden no mans land, the only thing to suffer there will be your health.

    Sorry for the ramble but I just wanted you to realize your not the first person to feel this way, and you wont be the last.


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