Lost

LegacyUser

I have had a really testing 12 months emotionally. My OH left me without warning. I still love and I miss him everyday.

I am not coping in fact it seems its worse I am getting. I have had a huge amount of change in my life and I am finding it very hard to accept.

I cannot sleep at night. I am a ball of stress and exhausted all the time. I have gone to the doctor and got sleeping tabs but they dont even work anymore. The night time is the worst when I lie awake and go back over everything and blame myself. I sometimes think I would be better off dead. I was always such a positive person. i have a brilliant family and friends but I am lost right now without him and I love him dearly.

Can you explain how you coped with this low ebb I am at right now?

holyhead

YOU MOST CERTAINLY WOULD NOT BE BETTER OFF DEAD. Please don't ever let yourself think that. Let's assume you work. Try and fill your evenings with activities. If sad thoughts come into your head write them down. Don't bottle up inside what your thinking. Be careful in whom you confide. Some friends may be driven away by a stream of negative commentary. Judge whom you think will listen. It sounds to me like all your eggs were in one basket. Now the OH up and left the basket has been tipped over and you feel like all the eggs have fallen out and cracked.
Putting all your hopes in one basket is never a recipe for a happy ending. At least learn that from this experience. If you can fall in love once you can fall in love again. While its understandable to pine for somone you've lost its pointless and you simply let your life pass you by. Steel yourself. Store and enjoy the happy memories of your time together and leave yourself open to the possibilities of future happy times both with someone and through of network of friends. No other person can be responsible for your happiness. They can contribute to a large extent but should not be your whole source of joie de vivre.

Miss Fluff

How long ago did he leave you? Was it 12 months ago? And are you still in contact with him?

Firetrap

Have you thought about going to see a counsellor to get it all off your chest? Family and friends are great to talk to but sometimes you need to have a complete stranger sitting in front of you to see things objectively.

LegacyUser

Hi OP, I can really recommend counselling. It is expensive but the best investment you can possibly make in yourself - it will set you up for life. It is a great way to sort out how you feel about certain things - why you feel that way, and once you become more self aware you can feel much better. Your health is your wealth and in this day and age - mental health is a huge part of this.

Time is a healer but not always, if you are not thinking clearly, and have unresolved issues. You can and will get through this - things can only get better, and you have taken the first step in looking for help, check out the PSI website for qualified counsellors.
Good luck

WRONGEST

July '09 - Jun '10 were the toughest 12 months of my life as regards stress and the following months were difficult emotionally, coming to terms with what had happened. I coped by doing stuff. That's it really. Nothing complicated, just a long string of doing things. Even if it's as simple as going to a friend's house to watch a DVD, or going to a gig, or playing a video game, or reading a new book, or learning how to cook something different. You progress and excel.

It really is a difficult thing to initiate by yourself. You probably spend a lot of time in bed staring at the ceiling, thinking about nothing in particular. I know because I was that way. I really stagnated and I felt like I couldn't talk to anybody about it and my life was slipping away. But there was no one moment that changed it all for me, it was just a gradual series of tiny events that I did that managed put me back right. Now I couldn't be happier, yet my life was in its trough less than 18 months ago?

It gets better and there are always people who are there to genuinely help. I don't think sleeping tablets are a great idea, but that's just a personal thing. Hot chocolate has similar effects and is way tastier. I've seen friends go through this too. You're not alone, so don't feel like you are.

Taltos

OP - sorry for how you are feeling but we have to close this thread.

If you are considering suicide please use the links in our Charter.
Suicide

http://www.nosp.ie/
(national suicide prevenition)

1Life Suicide Prevention Helpline - 1800 247 100

There is also some information there on contacts for groups to aid you with depression though you really should see your doctor for a diagnosis, go for a second opinion if your normal GP cannot help.

Taltos