Friend Boundaries

LegacyUser

Hi,

I will keep this short and to the point. I guess I need some outside advice to ensure my thinking is correct or at least balanced.
I'm married 20+ years, pretty good but had some marriage troubles recently, but went for couples therapy and getting things back on track.
A mutual friend (male) who we both have known for years I feel has over stepped the mark. Recently I had felt he was getting closer to
my wife than he should, calling in when I wasn't there and not calling in when she wasn't around. Now I don't suspect anything from my wife at all (100%)
BUT the thing is my wife was quite sick and had to be hospitalized, it was a shock and quite sudden accident. My friend upon seeing my wife told her "I love you".

My wife at the time felt it was not in the normal 'I love ya' type way.

I felt this was crossing a line, am I overreacting ?

fungun

Did he start off as her friend or yours? If hers, then its kinda normal that he might call in to chat to her alone sometimes. Also when ppl are sick in hospital esp if there was any fear of serious illness/death, people do say i love you in a way that is stronger than normal.

Is he married himself? Lonely? A bit needy?

If there is a history of him calling in when you are not there and specifically avoiding you, then he is kinda close to a line imo. But its up to your wife to call that one....some neighbours do just drop in a lot. If you do trust her 100% like you say then I dont see what the problem is, esp if he is the needy type/a bit lonely.
A lot depends on some context that is lacking in your post - if on top of this he is a bit touchy feely, suggestive etc then maybe he is a bit close to that line, but from your wife telling you that he said this then it seems that (a) she is being honest and (b) she might now keep him slightly more at arms length if she feels he might be feeling something too strong

If you are asking should you say anything to him, the answer would be no

I am a friend

God I think it is crossing the line. Were you there when he said that? What are his personal circumstances?

Payton

Hi OP, can you explain what the marriage problems were?.
There are different ways of saying "I love you", like there is a difference between saying it and meaning it. Just be careful that you don't ruin your marriage aswell as a good friendship because of some possible insecurity.