Do I see him often enough?

LegacyUser

I started seeing my bf over a month ago and we've been going out for 3 weeks. He works full time whereas I'm a student and he lives in a suburb and I live in the city centre, we're both early 20s. He's a really nice guy and when we're together, he's really sweet and attentive, it seems like he really likes me. The thing is that we only see each other about once a week max and it's always me who suggests meeting up, never him. This was fine when we were just seeing each other but I thought we'd see each other more now we're a "proper couple".

I'm really confused because he texts me all the time and I've gotten angry at him before because I hadn't seen him in over a week and he choose to go out with his friends on his off. I want to bring it up but at the same time I don't want to come across as contolling or needy. It also annoys me because while it's not the I put him before my friends but I'm always afraid to make plans with them now until I've asked him when he can meet me and then he turns around and goes out with his friends without even inviting me despite the fact I've told him I'm not doing anything, I almost feel like he doesn't want me to meet them or something.

I get that he works a lot and needs to see his friends but he finishes work at 6 most nights and I'd be perfectly willing to go out to his house if he was to tired to come into town but I need him to invite me (though it is his family home so maybe he thinks it'd be weird or something).

It's my 1st relationship and not his so I'm not really secure talking to him about it and I don't really know if I'm right in my concerns but I think I am. But since he has had a gf before, I don't get it, were his other relationships like this?

I really just want to know how to broach this or if I should even bother?

OkayWhatever

opyur wrote: »

I started seeing my bf over a month ago and we've been going out for 3 weeks. He works full time whereas I'm a student and he lives in a suburb and I live in the city centre, we're both early 20s. He's a really nice guy and when we're together, he's really sweet and attentive, it seems like he really likes me. The thing is that we only see each other about once a week max and it's always me who suggests meeting up, never him. This was fine when we were just seeing each other but I thought we'd see each other more now we're a "proper couple".

I'm really confused because he texts me all the time and I've gotten angry at him before because I hadn't seen him in over a week and he choose to go out with his friends on his off. I want to bring it up but at the same time I don't want to come across as contolling or needy. It also annoys me because while it's not the I put him before my friends but I'm always afraid to make plans with them now until I've asked him when he can meet me and then he turns around and goes out with his friends without even inviting me despite the fact I've told him I'm not doing anything, I almost feel like he doesn't want me to meet them or something.

I get that he works a lot and needs to see his friends but he finishes work at 6 most nights and I'd be perfectly willing to go out to his house if he was to tired to come into town but I need him to invite me (though it is his family home so maybe he thinks it'd be weird or something).

It's my 1st relationship and not his so I'm not really secure talking to him about it and I don't really know if I'm right in my concerns but I think I am. But since he has had a gf before, I don't get it, were his other relationships like this?

I really just want to know how to broach this or if I should even bother?

RULE NUMBER 1: NEVER EVER EVER PUT A BOYFRIEND BEFORE FRIENDS. EVER. You're gonna have your really best friends forever, you could break up with your boyfriend tomorrow. If you abandon all you friends for someone who you end up breaking up with, who's gonna be there to help you sort yourself out.
I know it's your first relationship and everything's great, but it's not worth it in the long run.

It's just early days, he's used to going out with his friends whenever he wants. Don't try stop him from going out with his friends or make a big deal out of it, big no-no. Maybe suggest that you go out with them? Or say you'd like to.

Just relax and chill out, don't get so stressed about it. You're gonna get yourself all worked up over nothing. His last relationship could have ended badly or whatever and he might simply just want to take things slow. Once a week isn't bad though, it could be worse. You both just have to be willing to make the most of it. I'm with my boyfriend 2 years now and we used to see each other all the time. Like every day and every night, and we fought a bit. Now we only see each other once or twice a week and things are much better.

You do need to talk to your boyfriend though, maybe he doesn't realise how ya feel. I used to think my boyfriend was psychic, caused a few arguments

This can be easily sorted if you just have a chat about it.

Katgurl

If you've already brought this up and got nowhere you need to be a bit cleverer about it.

At the moment your boyfriend can fit you around his other plans because you always accept last minute arrangements.

So retrain him gently and simultaneously like previous poster said - get your priorities straight. Not making plans until you receive a directive from your boyfriend is an appalling habit for a multitude of reasons.

Make your own plans. If your boyfriend then suggests meeting up same night, be full of "oh I would have loved to see you but I've made plans now".

He'll start prioritising you soon enough if he's into you and wants to see you. If he's not into you and can't be bothered, there was never anything you could have done to change that anyway.

Firetrap

It would be interesting too to see what happens if you don't take the initiative and try to organise meeting up. I know it's early days and that his friends are important but he does sound a bit too casual. Maybe I'm wrong.

I am a friend

As above, absolutely stop putting off your friends for this guy. Make your plans with your friends and let him make plans with you in plenty of time. If he doesn't then you will know how interested he is or not but 'friends before fella's...'

x Purple Pawprints x

I'd agree with the other posters, don't put him before your friends. And also, just try one thing - don't suggest meeting up next time. Wait to see if he will. Don't try to stop him seeing his friends. That's just a no-no in any relationship, no matter how long you're together. You have to lead your own life, you can't be with him 24/7. It's very early days for you so try not to be so worried about it. I'm with my bf almost a year and I only see him once a week maximum because he lives in Longford. I wish I could see him more but that's just the way things are, we deal with it. My advice to you OP is to just relax and enjoy things.

op there's nothing more irritating than a friend who won't make plans with you because "i have to check what my bf is doing" or "i have to wait and see what we are doing first".
Start making your own plans and sticking to them, for your own sake and for the sake of your friendships. If he wants to see you he will make the effort to work around them.