Stuff you've learned about dating

LighterGuy

Was reading the 'Lunatic ex partners' thread and got me thinking about stuff you learn from the experience of dating. The do's, the don'ts, the warning signs (etc) Be it personal experience or from the experience of others you know.

So what have you learned?

For me:
- Trust is earned. I see too many people saying you should automatically trust someone. I think that's foolish in today's world.

- That when someone says they want a "break" - the relationship is over. That 99.9% of the time "break" is a cowardly way of ending things.

- Generally don't ask anyone out more than once. I know some people have gotten a no at first. Then a yes the second time. That's cool but majority of the time no means they aint interested. And to take it as that.

- That if your partner suddenly tells you that they dont want to date anymore it does not make you an as$hole to be mad at them. No one suddenly wakes up one morning and doesnt want to be with the other. You find often such thoughts were lingering around for weeks if not months in their head. While you thought things were going great. Because when they tell you its because they are ready.

- People might disagree with me on this one. But keep your eyes and ears open. Your partner may of been caring and trust worthy last year. Doesnt mean they are this year as people change as does their desires.

enough outta me. you? :pac:

HazDanz

So you've broke up with the girlfriend then?

LighterGuy

HazDanz wrote: »

So you've broke up with the girlfriend then?

haha. nah, going on nearly two years my good man.
as i said, was reading the other thread and started thinking.

Senna

Assume everyone you meet is a nut-job. Then hope to be pleasantly surprised.
Too many people are blind to the fact their new "friend" is a nut-job or just a general cúnt.

Tesco Massacre

If they play the pan pipes, or think contemporary hits set to the music of the pan pipes is acceptable, then you should run a mile.

HazDanz

I learnt if they actually listen to what you say it's a good sign

OneArt

It only happens on American TV.

Brendog

One thing I've learnt. To put others ahead of me. Also you learn who your true friends are. Used to hang out with loads of people but only about 4 stay in touch.

kryogen

Most of them end in failure because the two people werent right for each other in the first place

Generally people can be very cowardly about ending relationships they know to be well past its sell by date

Women who stuff used tampons in your mouth are to be avoided at all costs (unless your a vampire)

Cheating on someone says more about you then it does about your partner

People get quite serious too soon actually, there is so much to be said for just having a bit of fun and not thinking your next relationship will be the one you will find you one true love in and all that....

Chuck Stone

These days you have internet relationship providings.

Are you wanting to sign?

It's free except for the one off joining fee and the monthly payments.

LighterGuy

kryogen wrote: »

Cheating on someone says more about you then it does about your partner

In what way tho?

Mammanabammana

Here's what I've learnt (not written by me, unfortunately);

http://www.stwing.upenn.edu/~jenf/writing/rant04.html

kryogen

LighterGuy wrote: »

In what way tho?

That you see what you want and you take it

simples

Or that your a dick, probably have your own issues to work out and it in no way reflects badly on your other half........

dlofnep

LighterGuy wrote: »

- Generally don't ask anyone out more than once. I know some people have gotten a no at first. Then a yes the second time. That's cool but majority of the time no means they aint interested. And to take it as that.

The cutest girl I ever dated I won over through persistence and wit. Be confident, but not cocky.

Jaxxy

LighterGuy wrote: »

- Generally don't ask anyone out more than once. I know some people have gotten a no at first. Then a yes the second time. That's cool but majority of the time no means they aint interested. And to take it as that.

Don't agree with that, sometimes it's just the wrong time/bad timing.

LighterGuy

dlofnep wrote: »

The cutest girl I ever dated I won over through persistence and wit. Be confident, but not cocky.

Jaxxy wrote: »

Don't agree with that, sometimes it's just the wrong time/bad timing.

Fair enough.
That someone might not wanna date right now ... while thats true a person may also be fully single and willing to date. Just not you :pac:

So I guess its situational.

LighterGuy

kryogen wrote: »

That you see what you want and you take it

simples

Or that your a dick, probably have your own issues to work out and it in no way reflects badly on your other half........

Oh I get ya
I agree.

Mammanabammana

dlofnep wrote: »

The cutest girl I ever dated I won over through persistence and wit. Be confident, but not cocky.

Alas, nowadays persistence and wit is more often than not called being stalkerish and creepy.

sarahbro

Bitches be crazy?

Jaxxy

LighterGuy wrote: »

Fair enough.
That someone might not wanna date right now ... while thats true a person may also may be fully single and willing to date. Just not you :pac:

So I guess its situational.

There can be a lot of reasons why someone doesn't want to date. In my case one reason was because I was working with the individual and this was the basis of my hesitation (ended up in a relationship that lasted about two years anyway) and another was because I was going through some personal, family issues and I knew I wasn't in any position to give my time or energy to anyone else (he asked me out again about a year later; better timing).

I'm not a big fan of dating anyway, I find it tiresome. I'm a weirdo. I do things backwards. Hook up, then relationship, then coupley date-nights.

But to answer the question in your OP, the best advice I could probably give anyone who is dating would be to take it easy, enjoy yourself, don't rush into anything. It's not a race!

psychward

LighterGuy wrote: »

- Generally don't ask anyone out more than once. I know some people have gotten a no at first. Then a yes the second time. That's cool but majority of the time no means they aint interested. And to take it as that.

That might make sense to a logical male however one of my best friends pestered a girl for years before she finally caved in. I guess she dated a few a$$holes who treated her badly until she realized the guy she had been turning down was most suited for her. Go figure. Now they've been in a relationship for 5 years with talk of buying a house, wedding and kids on the way. Some might wonder if she was bitchy, she is controlling of him now that they're together but Im not making any judgements one way or the other if they are happy.

My philosophy is dont give a f*uck and just keep hammering away at every opportunity you get and ignore dead ends as a waste of further time and energy. Giv ing a f*uck about someone should be earned too. When I was single I was like a heat seeking missile. I hated picking up girls in bars and clubs under cloudy headed drunk conditions. I could arrange a date stone cold sober with the Latvian girl behind the counter in a Spar but the Irish girls always needed to be wasted before they'd turn the bitch shield off.

MonaghanPenguin

Mammanabammana wrote: »

Alas, nowadays persistence and wit is more often than not called being stalkerish and creepy.

You're doing it wrong.

MonaghanPenguin

Every relationship is personal to the two people in it. You'll have a lot of people who will judge you and your relationship in a variety of ways; you're moving too fast/moving too slow, why aren't you married yet, s/he's too controlling, I don't know how s/he puts up with that etc. At the end of the day the only people who can judge your relationship is you and your partner. Everyone else is just judging the relationship as it appears from the outside. If you think it's working it is, if you think there's a problem there is.

UglyBolloxFace

LighterGuy wrote: »

haha. nah, going on nearly two years my good man.
as i said, was reading the other thread and started thinking drinking.

Fixed your post.

LighterGuy

UglyBolloxFace wrote: »

Fixed your post.

Haha.
You know the irony of that is I am usually locked when I am on boards at night time. The one time I aint and you say that :pac:

beks101

1. Treat your dates as you would like to be treated. Bad dating karma is no fun

2. People will treat you as you allow them to treat you. Love yourself first, or the relationship is ultimately fucked

Joe10000

The better looking they are the more hassle they are.

psychward

beks101 wrote: »

1. Treat your dates as you would like to be treated. Bad dating karma is no fun

However the sexes due to their differences mostly do have different roles in a relationship and traditionally often do expect to be treated differently.

mfceiling

If you are a man then once a month for approx one week your lady friend will be a nutjob....stay out of harms way and you'll be sound...

stupidusername

Mammanabammana wrote: »

Alas, nowadays persistence and wit is more often than not called being stalkerish and creepy.

Just like "nice guys finish last",that's bull****. Just because you think you're doing things right doesn't mean you actually are.

I've learned not to get involved with someone you're not totally attracted to physically, in the end it won't work out.

stupidusername

mfceiling wrote: »

If you are a man then once a month for approx one week your lady friend will be a nutjob....stay out of harms way and you'll be sound...

That's not true....

I'm a nutjob all month long :pac:

TheZohanS

stupidusername wrote: »

Just like "nice guys finish last",that's bull****. Just because you think you're doing things right doesn't mean you actually are.

I've learned not to get involved with someone you're not totally attracted to physically, in the end it won't work out.

Nice guys always finish last. Good guys ,however, get the girl, there's a huge difference.

robbie_998

99 problems but a bitch ain't one ! :pac:

stupidusername

TheZohan wrote: »

Nice guys always finish last. Good guys ,however, get the girl, there's a huge difference.

What is the difference?

TheZohanS

stupidusername wrote: »

What is the difference?

You won't want to have sex with the nice guy, he'll do everything to please you and you'll put him in the friendzone because there's zero challenge there, even if you're initially attracted to him that will wear off. The good guy won't fcuk you around but he will challenge you, keep you on your toes and you'll stay attracted to him and want to have sex with him.

stupidusername

TheZohan wrote: »

You won't want to have sex with the nice guy, he'll do everything to please you and you'll put him in the friendzone because there's zero challenge there, even if you're initially attracted to him that will wear off. The good guy won't fcuk you around but he will challenge you, keep you on your toes and you'll stay attracted to him and want to have sex with him.

Do you seriously believe in this nice guy character? Sounds like he's a nice person but is never good looking. In which case you can't put the blame on the girl,for not being attracted to him.

Vicxas

If you think that its not going well, dont drag it out. It'll only get worse. Especially if the other thinks things are going well.

Dont be a dick if they came to you and explained the reason why you are breaking up. They had the balls to say it to you. Respect that.

Wibbs

Past relationship behaviour is a fair judge of current and future relationship behaviour.

Avoid women who jump from one relationship to another and have ever been single.

The ladies are just as driven by their genitals as men, though tend to hide it behind more romantic layers.

[controversial]When men and women are actually in love, a woman's love tends to need more maintenance, is more conditional and can switch on or off more quickly.[/controversial]

TheZohanS

stupidusername wrote: »

Do you seriously believe in this nice guy character? Sounds like he's a nice person but is never good looking. In which case you can't put the blame on the girl,for not being attracted to him.

I know lots of guys that are good looking but are too "nice" for their own good. I had a conversation with a mates ex a while ago and I asked her what happened, she smiled and said "he's just too..."and wouldn't finish the sentence despite me asking her to. I asked her if it was because he was too "nice" and she said yes and started to laugh. I told her that my mate is well capable of being a bit of a bastard when he wants to be and she turned around to me and said "well why doesn't he ever act like it!?".

Now my mate is probably one of the best looking in our group of friends, and all of us do OK when it comes to women, but he put her up on a pedestal, lost his game and became the ultimate nice guy. She got bored and dumped him. But they're still good friends. :rolleyes:

Gummy Panda

Joe10000 wrote: »

The better looking they are the more hassle they are.

So that's why I'm alone. I seem like too much hassle

Vicxas

Gummy Panda wrote: »

So that's why I'm alone. I seem like too much hassle

Most people like a challenege, but then some people are just unbearable.

Gummy Panda

Vicxas wrote: »

Gummy Panda wrote: »

So that's why I'm alone. I seem like too much hassle

Most people like a challenege, but then some people are just unbearable.

I see what you did there..

suicide_circus

TheZohan wrote: »

Nice guys always finish last. Good guys ,however, get the girl, there's a huge difference.

*cringe*
Where do you get this sh¡t? Cosmo? The back of a penguin bar wrapper?

robbie_998

up the gee, pregnancy




up the bum, no harm done :pac:

stimpson

If she smokes, she pokes.

Azureus

I actually agree with TheZohans nice guy/good guy theory...
Being a nice guy you're gonna get boring and walked over. No challenge or spark. Too easy. I dated two, really liked them, but the spark wore off. There was no excitement, everything revolved around me which sounds amazing in theory but gets really old really fast.

I wouldnt touch a typical bad guy though-the egotistical, sleeps around, macho type bores me equally as much.

But the good guy-someone who wont screw you over, and does everything the nice guy does but not ALL the time. The sweet gestures become a lovely suprise rather than mundane, and there's a bit of a challenge and buzz from compromise of little things like what movie to see or where to go at the weekend. Its just putting a label on behaviour I guess, and the reasons above are why nice guys have a bad reputation. It doesnt mean all girls want to be treated like crap, we just wanna be treated well but not neccesarily with a red carpet. Its the little things.

Kiera

I agree with TZ. Nice guys (YES men) bug the crap out of me. I've gone out with a few and they say yes to everything, no matter what it is.

Good guys you can have banter with are the best ones. You can have the craic with them and they're still great guys who'll do anything for you but will challenge you if you're out of line.

counterlock

Stuff i've learned: dont look for dating advice on AH

Gummy Panda

suicide_circus wrote: »

*cringe*
Where do you get this sh¡t? Cosmo? The back of a penguin bar wrapper?

Nice guys generally aren't nice guys. They are insecure and needy. They put the girl on a pedestal then getting all controlling.

Napper Hawkins

So basically, no one likes a suck up.

Grand.

Snowie

Wibbs wrote: »

Avoid ( Like the Pluage) women who jump from one relationship to another and have ever been single.

fyp :cool: