just timing or not meant to be?

daybyday

Hi, I would like to know your opinion on this, especially form the guys, I really don't know what to do.
I have been with my boyfriend for a year, we are living together, and love each other very much.
I am 3 years older than him and don't see the difference apart from when it comes to going out. I have a job in which I have to travel a lot. I am away from 3 - 4 nights a week. I never had a problem with him going out when I'm away until the last couple of months. I am getting insecure and all I can think about when I'm away is what is he doing?
He goes out with his friends, I know them all. He will go to a pub and to some club later. I know he gets drunk and I also know that he would never take anyone home or go home with anyone. My problem is what happens in between. He is quite shy but I know when he drinks he gets more and more confident. We have been fighting about it for the last couple of weeks. Things escalted when this week this random guy showed up when we were out and said great after party last week! and showed him a picture of him and my boyfriend raising a glass to the camera. My boyfriend had his shirt half open, needless to say I wasn't amused...epecially since he said he doesn't remember taking that picture.
I feel like I've gone through that time, and now I've calmed now. At the expense of sounding like a complete selfish bi*** I don't want my boyfriend getting drunk when I'm away. He knows it, he still does it, cause if he's with his friends of course he doesn't want to look like the whipped one. Should i wait for him to grow up and just let him live his life for now or move on?

Eric Cartman

lads will be lads, hes having a few drinks with mates, it doesnt mean anythings going on , if he said the same about you being away for work youd flip out and think he was mad , calm down and learn to trust him more

Firetrap

I am 3 years older than him and don't see the difference apart from when it comes to going out.

What does this mean?

I think you're being a bit paranoid about things to be honest. Unless he has reason to make you think he's tempted to stray in your absence?

nowyouresix

He's your bf, you're NOT his mother.

The issue here is that you don't really trust him, isn't it....has something happened in your 3-4 nights away a week that has made you feel like he can't trust you too ??

Katgurl

I actually feel a bit annoyed at your post OP.

You don't own him. You haven't said his nights out are impinging in things between you ie your communication or time together, there is no suggestion of him flirting elsewhere, you haven't said you think he is drinking too much.

All you've said is you've done this already.

It is your decision to go out with a guy at this stage of his life. If you want to be with someone different then end it. But I don't think it is fair telling him you are annoyed with him and expecting him to snap into line with you.

ApeXaviour

daybyday wrote: »

I never had a problem with him going out when I'm away until the last couple of months.

We have been fighting about it for the last couple of weeks.

My boyfriend had his shirt half open, needless to say I wasn't amused...

As far as you're concerned he's done nothing wrong, but recently you've changed, becoming more jealous, controlling and possessive. None of these are positive traits.

daybyday wrote: »

I don't want my boyfriend getting drunk when I'm away. He knows it, he still does it

This is an entirely unreasonable expectation on your part.

So why have you become jealous? Are you looking for an excuse for an out? Or is it for some other reason and you're just taking it out on your bf.

Ickle Magoo

Hey OP,

You say you love each other very much - yet you are wondering what he is doing to the point you are trying to control his behaviour, both directly by telling him what to do/not to do and by arguing with him when he doesn't/doesn't agree to behave the way you want him to. There really doesn't seem to be much trust in him or faith in your relationship.

Either you trust him and you trust he won't cheat and get on with life safe in that assertion - or you don't...and if you don't it's either because he is showing himself to be untrustworthy or you have horribly low self esteem - either way, it needs working on because jealousy and controlling behaviour are really unattractive and as your weeks of fighting are showing, few things will kill a relationship faster.

All the best.