Is my friend spoiled?

LegacyUser

My friend and I are in a very similar position, both started new graduate jobs 3 months ago. I passed my driving test a few months ago and have been itching to own a car since then; however I cannot afford the insurance, let alone a car loan. My friend knows this, I talk about cars and driving all the time, and how I'd love to own one but can't afford it right now.

Tonight I was on the phone to her and she casually mentioned that her parents are going to pay for her first year of car insurance. She has no interest in driving whatsoever and appears to barely give the fact that they are forking over £1k to her (when she works full time) a second thought. Why did she even mention this to me when she knows I'm dying to get in a car myself?

It goes back to me finding her quite spoiled I suppose- her parents pay for everything for her. I struggled through a year of unemployment before getting a job- her parents paid for a masters in a foreign country. I too have borrowed money off my parents but take it extremely seriously. She doesn't give it a second thought.

Is it understandable that I feel annoyed by her attitude? Or is this just petty jealousy on my part? :-/ This has been bubbling under the surface for a while and I don't want to say something I'll regret. :-/ All advice appreciated.

MissFlitworth

She sounds like her parents are very good to her & also like she's from a family with more disposable income than yours have but I couldn't say from your post that she was spoiled. It sucks when you're around people who are significantly better off than you are but it's not a good reason to be annoyed with them. You mentioned 'saying something [you'll] regret', I can't see why you'd say anything at all in the situation you're in. Unless it was something very sheepish like 'I know it's irrational but I'm feeling v. rubbish about not being able to afford a car at the mo & I'd rather not hear about you getting insured if you don't mind'

I do sympathise with you though OP, up until recently most of my friends were earning 10s of 1000s more than I was and jealousy seriously nipped at me at me. You just have to recognise that people being better off than you isn't their fault and work at improving the situation if you can

LegacyUser

OP, you can use this to your advantage. In my experience you need a car to buy a car!! So you can use her to drive you around to all those out of the way garages when you're looking for your own car :-)

Firetrap

It's human to feel a bit jealous sometimes but perhaps you're being a bit over-sensitive about this issue? From the information you've given us, it doesn't look like she's spoiled or rubbing your nose in it.

Miss Fluff

Frustrated! wrote: »

Or is this just petty jealousy on my part? :-/ This has been bubbling under the surface for a while and I don't want to say something I'll regret. :-/

Yes, it is petty jealousy on your part.

What you'd want to say that you could "regret" I don't know. This girl has done nothing wrong bar be in a fortunate position by parents who can afford to give her a dig out so having any confrontation would come make you come ccross as someone very angry and a bit pathetic tbh. Be glad for her and put your energy into getting your own insurance rather than cultivating your own insecurities.

Degringola

Jealousy and envy are normal human emotions that we have to keep reined in, otherwise they will eat at us and can damage friendships.
Instead of envying your friend, try and be happy for her. Train yourself to be happy for people when good things happen to them and don't compare yourself to them. Use these feelings positively, let them spur you on to achieve great things in life. You will get huge satisfaction from that and won't feel the need for comparisons with others. Compete with yourself to be the best that you can be.
There will always be peers who do better/worse than us. That's not going to change as you go through life, so try and train yourself to nip it in the bud.
(I'm speaking from experience and I do find it difficult at times also).

Firetrap

Degringola wrote: »

There will always be peers who do better/worse than us. That's not going to change as you go through life, so try and train yourself to nip it in the bud.
(I'm speaking from experience and I do find it difficult at times also).

^^This. Try not to have a chip on your shoulder or you'll lose a friend.

Frustrated!

Frustrated! wrote: »

Is it understandable that I feel annoyed by her attitude? Or is this just petty jealousy on my part? :-/

It's understandable, but it's jealousy all the same.

You need to ease up on your friend. Spoiled is when you expect to be given everything and can't handle it if you're not. She's simply in a position of having generous parents and a well-off family, hardly something that's her fault or should be held against her.

It's also quite possible that the reason she didn't seem to care about getting car insurance was because she thought you'd hold it against her since you're always talking about how you can't afford it. Would you really have preferred if she hid it from you and tip-toed around you?

LegacyUser

Thanks for the feedback guys. I guess, as I suspected, I just need to get over it. I just never get the impression that she appreciates all this... She doesn't seem to want to earn things herself. I don't know. Is my reaction not just human, albeit petty? I worry constantly about the money I owe my parents. Maybe it's just cos my weak spot is a car right now!

I will definitely take what was said about turning my negative responses into positive ones on board.

tinkerbell

Yes you are being petty and jealous. It's not like your friend is all "ooooh look at me, how lucky am I, my parents are paying for my car insurance and you can't afford it ha ha!" She just told you that they were paying for it.

Seriously, get over it and move on - you are being jealous and petty. You are being ridiculous holding it against her just because she comes from a different financial background than you. Stop being so immature about it - accept that some people have it easier financially than others and just get on with things.

finfinfin

your friend is spoiled.when you get a car,it might be a banger but you'd of earned it.more satisfaction.its swings and roundabouts.ya never know in 5 years time she could be looking for a loan off you!or at least a spin.ha ha.life goes in vicious circles.

that last bit sounds a bit depressing I'm actually very happy.

beware of the circles!

Jerri Jordan

Your friend has not done anything bad to you. It sounds like a bit of the green eyed monster. I am a mother and I save as much as I can and one day I know I will proudly buy my daughter her first car and her insurance and her driving lessons. Also im saving for her future so she can go to college should she wish too. But I have the income to do this. Your parents are just as good but they do not have as much as hers. It is no ones fault. And it doesnt make her a bad person. She is you friend relax. Im sure if she gets a car she will let you drive it sometimes too.

Fox McCloud

I know the feeling of seeing someone get everything you want and have to work so hard for handed to them on a plate just because of what family they were born into.

Its very easy to be consumed by jealousy, but that will not only ruin your friendships, it will also make you very unhappy.

At the end of the day you have a thirst and drive for success that your richer friends will never have. Even if they become equally successful they wont enjoy it or get as much satifaction from it as you will. I bet theres things about you that your friend envies.. like a passion for something like driving. She gets a car, but its not what she wants its what her parents want for her.

So dont waste time on envy, because its pretty pointless.
Now I need to figure out a way to follow my own wise advice

I am a friend

Frustrated! wrote: »

I just never get the impression that she appreciates all this... She doesn't seem to want to earn things herself.

So??? Why is that your business?

Frustrated! wrote: »

Is my reaction not just human, albeit petty?

I think its a total overreaction to something thats none of your business.

Neyite

I take great pride in the fact that I was independant from age 18. Anytime the parents wanted to help out /I needed a cash injection, (which has only been about twice in my life) I worked out a deal with them - basically I gave them a repayment plan that gave them 1% more interest than the cash would earn in their bank account, but it was still much less % than a loan would be.
Win-Win. My parents got to help me when they wanted to make life easier for me, stopped worrying about me, and I got to be independant.

Do a :rolleyes: on your friends good fortune, and let it go. And pat yourself on the back that you pay your way like an adult. Its very likely that her parents want her to get the car maybe for safety reasons and are insisting. You will get such a buzz when you are sitting into your very own car paid for soley by you - I remember it well myself.

blackbird98

Frustrated! wrote: »

... I talk about cars and driving all the time...

that's why she told you, she thought you'd be interested, even happy for her.


that doesn't make her spoiled, it makes you jealous!!

LegacyUser

OP here.

Thanks for all the helpful responses. I have copped myself on and have sent a text to my friend apologising in case she picked up any bad vibes. It is just jealousy and just something I need to let go.

However I don't know why people on here need to jump down my throat when I was only asking for advice. Calling me pathetic and insecure is pushing it, I think. I openly admitted to being jealous. How does jealousy for a day or two = insecurity and being pathetic?

Of course I forget that the contributors to PI never allow themselves to feel such petty human emotions. Give me a break.

Thanks again to the helpful replies.

Taltos

OP has resolved their issue.

Thread closed.