Very Worried

LegacyUser

Today, I had my first gay experience. I'm 20 the guy was 23.

We met online about a year ago, been talking since and decided to meet today.

The follow may be a little graphic, I don't know if it's boards.ie material.

Anyway, we were in his car in a dark secluded spot. He started kissing, then feeling each other up, then bjs, etc..

Then he asked to **** me, which I said he could. I asked if he had condoms, he said yes. He spend a while behind me without penetrating me so I assumed he had put one on. He began doing his thing anyway and I put my hand down and didn't feel any rubber on him. I immediately pulled away. He had penetrated me for about 2 minutes and it seemed be only his head inside me.

I told him to put the condom on, which he did and continued for about another minute or two until I became physically sick with worry. I started talking to him for ages about when the last time he was tested and all. He said he got a clean test in May.

He's agreed to meet me tomorrow and get tested together.

I'm just so nervous and worried. I don't know what to do. Is there anyway to be sure I don't have something serious or if I can stop it immediately?

I'm not out of the closet either but I'll have to if worse come to worst.

L.Jenkins

It's not a place for giving out medical advice, so do go and have a check to alleviate any of your worries. You've also learned from experience, so don't feel bad or anxious about any of it. Just keep yourself safe and happy

Annasopra

go to the gmhs to get tested

Then tell the guy his not putting a condom on in the first place was completely unacceptable. It's a breach of your trust to be pretending he had on. You need to let him know that that behaviour is highly dangerous and you won't accept it from him again. You need to be assertive and very clear with him and let him know that if anything does continue between you then this kind of thing will end that.

foggy_lad

Surely this behaviour should finish anything ye may have had? I could never trust anyone who was so deceptive and went bareback while pretending to have put on a condom!

This is not the first time this pr1ck has done this, I would not meet him again and go get yourself tested tomorrow.

Dont continue in any kind of relationship with him, Dump the bastard and make sure everyone knows what he is capable of and how dangerous he is!!

Conor30

foggy_lad wrote: »

Surely this behaviour should finish anything ye may have had? I could never trust anyone who was so deceptive and went bareback while pretending to have put on a condom!

This is not the first time this pr1ck has done this, I would not meet him again and go get yourself tested tomorrow.

Dont continue in any kind of relationship with him, Dump the bastard and make sure everyone knows what he is capable of and how dangerous he is!!

I know what you mean and I would have the same mind on it, but the reality is not everyone does and some people simply don't see what the big deal is. I don't think the guy is necessarily a 'prick'. At least, he has even agreed to meet the OP and go to the GHP together...that's a responsible and considerate reaction from the guy and it's more than what some guys would do in a similar circumstance.

@ The OP - You're simply over-reacting! He didn't even cum in your ass (even if he were HIV+). Get tested anyway but I'm pretty sure you've absolutely nothing to worry about. Relax!

foggy_lad

Conor30 wrote: »

I know what you mean and I would have the same mind on it, but the reality is not everyone does and some people simply don't see what the big deal is. I don't think the guy is necessarily a 'prick'. At least, he has even agreed to meet the OP and go to the GHP together...that's a responsible and considerate reaction from the guy and it's more than what some guys would do in a similar circumstance.

@ The OP - You're simply over-reacting! He didn't even cum in your ass (even if he were HIV+). Get tested anyway but I'm pretty sure you've absolutely nothing to worry about. Relax!

This guy sees the op is some kind of whore or prostitute that he can use any way he wants but as long as he "doesn't cum in his ass" and says sorry after it is all ok?

Goodshape

foggy_lad wrote: »

This guy sees the op is some kind of whore or prostitute

How do you know that?


OP, chances are you're absolutely fine. Go and get tested and bring him with you. Be sure and let him know that was the wrong thing to do, and I'd take it into account when you're deciding whether to continue seeing him at all. But don't make yourself sick with worry or anything... get tested to be sure, but you are probably alright.

foggy_lad

Goodshape wrote: »

How do you know that?


OP, chances are you're absolutely fine. Go and get tested and bring him with you. Be sure and let him know that was the wrong thing to do, and I'd take it into account when you're deciding whether to continue seeing him at all. But don't make yourself sick with worry or anything... get tested to be sure, but you are probably alright.

The guy was asked to wear a condom but decided not to while letting the op think he was wearing one, he obviously has no respect for the op just like men who have sex with prostitutes dont have respect for them and dont even see them as real women/men, They are just a thing to be used once a week/month.

How would you describe what this person did? There may even be an element of sexual assault about it?

Goodshape

foggy_lad wrote: »

How would you describe what this person did?

Don't know. Could be extremely forgetful, could be a abusive... could be anything in-between. I wasn't there and don't know the two guys to start throwing around accusations.

floggg

Yea, it does seem like a ****ty and reckless thing to do but I wouldn't go speculating on his thought process or views on men.

OP get tested but I imagine you should be fine. In the future though be more careful and don't take chances.

I would question if he is worth seeing again though. Aside from whether he lied to you or not, I'd be worried about somebody who was happy to bare back with somebody so casually. It's not a good sign for the future. Luckily you stopped it early so im sure it's all good.

LegacyUser

OP here again.

First of all, thanks for all your advise. I'm a little less worried today, less than I was last night, I was literally in crying then.

I going to keep in contact with him until we both get our results. I want to see his in person to make sure as well as being tested myself. If I pulled it off now, he probably won't show me his results.

After I see his results, I don't want to see him again. I mean I told him beforehand I wanted condoms used yet he didn't use them. I can't trust him and it's early stages with him and me and I don't know if he's done this to others in the past, even though he says he hasn't. You just don't do those things without wanting to take the risk yourself.

So yeah, after I see his results some time next week it's slán go foill.

I'll have to be really really careful of who I go with in the future.

floggg

Shame for this to happen on your first time with a guy.

Its a lesson to us all to be more careful but hope it doesn't put you off too much though.

foggy_lad

ScaredAndWorried wrote: »

OP here again.

First of all, thanks for all your advise. I'm a little less worried today, less than I was last night, I was literally in crying then.

I going to keep in contact with him until we both get our results. I want to see his in person to make sure as well as being tested myself. If I pulled it off now, he probably won't show me his results.

After I see his results, I don't want to see him again. I mean I told him beforehand I wanted condoms used yet he didn't use them. I can't trust him and it's early stages with him and me and I don't know if he's done this to others in the past, even though he says he hasn't. You just don't do those things without wanting to take the risk yourself.

So yeah, after I see his results some time next week it's slán go foill.

I'll have to be really really careful of who I go with in the future.

Glad you are feeling better about the whole episode now. It was a nasty thing for him to do regardless of his thoughts or motives. I would not even meet him outside of wherever you are getting your tests done. arrange a time to meet him at the clinic and get seperate appointments etc and leave seperately. I wouldn't be seen in public with him!

oisindoyle

Conor30 wrote: »

I know what you mean and I would have the same mind on it, but the reality is not everyone does and some people simply don't see what the big deal is. I don't think the guy is necessarily a 'prick'. At least, he has even agreed to meet the OP and go to the GHP together...that's a responsible and considerate reaction from the guy and it's more than what some guys would do in a similar circumstance.

@ The OP - You're simply over-reacting! He didn't even cum in your ass (even if he were HIV+). Get tested anyway but I'm pretty sure you've absolutely nothing to worry about. Relax!

What a silly naive and stupid thing to say .HIV is carried in fluids,a person doesnt have to cum to pass it on .All sorts of sexually transmitted diseases can be carried in pre cum and no the OP is NOT over reacting .
TO the OP I sa get tested asap

LegacyUser

Hey all, OP here again. Just an update:

I was a GMHS clinic this evening. They took a blood sample and gave me some vaccinations (which is routine, apparently). They're bringing me back again next week for swob tests, a urine sample and some more vaccinations (again, apparently routine).

I told them my story and they're treated my case as potential HIV exposure, so they gave me PEP (Truvada and Kaletra) just to be sure. The guy who I was with yesterday (as in the idiot who decided not to wear the condom) was there today and he got tested too with me - I demanded it.

They're going to take me off the PEP next week when they get both our results back, that's if he and I are clean. But they said the risk was fairly low anyway, so it was just an additional precaution. If something does appear on his results, I'd have to be on PEP for another 3 weeks (as the full treatment is 4 weeks long, apparently).

There really really good people in there, it's free and I read that PEP is usually extremely expensive. So I'm very grateful to them.

I'll write back to this thread next week to update on how it went, because I understand it could be useful to other people in similar circumstances in the future.

Thanks!!

Shakti

Good for you fairly large slice of experience for the both of you, I hope the results come back clear maybe even your friend has learned something.

foggy_lad

Shakti wrote: »

Good for you fairly large slice of experience for the both of you, I hope the results come back clear maybe even your friend has learned something.

His friend?! What kind of friend puts anyone in that position and exposes them to HIV infection?

Shakti

foggy_lad wrote: »

His friend?! What kind of friend puts anyone in that position and exposes them to HIV infection?

Thats rhetorical right?

Dwn Wth Vwls

I think it's really impressive how you've dealt with all this, especially considering you're only 20 and it was your first time. A lot of people wouldn't even think to check he had the condom on.

Just don't let it traumatise you and affect your future relationships. This one guy was an idiot and an asshole, but not everyone is.

AodhDub

Dwn Wth Vwls wrote: »

I think it's really impressive how you've dealt with all this, especially considering you're only 20 and it was your first time. A lot of people wouldn't even think to check he had the condom on.

Just don't let it traumatise you and affect your future relationships. This one guy was an idiot and an asshole, but not everyone is.

Hear, hear. Well done for taking the bull by the horns as it were. A lot of people older than yourself have been known to worry a fret over such things until they drive themselves mad.

Conor30

oisindoyle wrote: »

What a silly naive and stupid thing to say .HIV is carried in fluids,a person doesnt have to cum to pass it on .All sorts of sexually transmitted diseases can be carried in pre cum and no the OP is NOT over reacting .
TO the OP I sa get tested asap

HIV is carried in fluids? Wow, who knew? Duh. Unknot your knickers there.

Yes, the OP was over-reacting and panicking. Of course they should go get tested, I never said they shouldn't. I just said the chances of him becoming HIV + as a result of this encounter are very slim, so there is no need for him to worry unnecessarily. It's hardly going to help.

LegacyUser

Hello, OP here again just a final update.

I got my results today and it says that I'm clear of everything except Hepatitis-A, which appeared weak/positive on my results. I believe that I got that when I was aboard last year from drinking water and I really doubt I got it anywhere else as I've basically been a total virgin until last week.

I saw the other guys results today too and they were all clear, so I don't have to take PEP anymore. I told him about my results too and he said he got vaccinations for Hepatitis-A in the past so he's okay.

gaa131

ScaredAndWorried wrote: »

Today, I had my first gay experience. I'm 20 the guy was 23.

We met online about a year ago, been talking since and decided to meet today.

The follow may be a little graphic, I don't know if it's boards.ie material.

Anyway, we were in his car in a dark secluded spot. He started kissing, then feeling each other up, then bjs, etc..

Then he asked to **** me, which I said he could. I asked if he had condoms, he said yes. He spend a while behind me without penetrating me so I assumed he had put one on. He began doing his thing anyway and I put my hand down and didn't feel any rubber on him. I immediately pulled away. He had penetrated me for about 2 minutes and it seemed be only his head inside me.

I told him to put the condom on, which he did and continued for about another minute or two until I became physically sick with worry. I started talking to him for ages about when the last time he was tested and all. He said he got a clean test in May.

He's agreed to meet me tomorrow and get tested together.

I'm just so nervous and worried. I don't know what to do. Is there anyway to be sure I don't have something serious or if I can stop it immediately?

I'm not out of the closet either but I'll have to if worse come to worst.

Please tell me why on earth you would want your first gay experience to take place in such a setting. Also, why on your first gay experience, with a virtual stranger, would you even consider penetrative sex?

Aside from the sti element of this, you need to think about what you're doing and how you're behaving. Going to a secluded spot with a stranger presents basic personal safety issues. Did you tell any other person where you were going so that if you didn't return someone would know where to look or to call the police?

Overall, very risky and dangerous behaviour. Don't do it again!!

paddymorrison

Hey OP, I had a similar scare a few months ago, so I understand how you were feeling. It's great that your results come back negative. Did they tell you to go back in 3 months time? I was told that HIV might not be detected in these tests for up to 3 months. I am sure you are going to be fine, but you might want to have another test just in case.

LegacyUser

gaa131 wrote: »

Please tell me why on earth you would want your first gay experience to take place in such a setting. Also, why on your first gay experience, with a virtual stranger, would you even consider penetrative sex?

Aside from the sti element of this, you need to think about what you're doing and how you're behaving. Going to a secluded spot with a stranger presents basic personal safety issues. Did you tell any other person where you were going so that if you didn't return someone would know where to look or to call the police?

Overall, very risky and dangerous behaviour. Don't do it again!!

Well I've been chatting to him only online for the past year, we've even chatted over the phone a couple of time and we texted quite a lot. So, I guess he wasn't a total stranger. I would never consider meeting someone I hadn't had a chance to talk to first. I imagine there's nothing odd about that behaviour.

And what do you mean by setting? The car, secluded spot? I guess that would depend on the person. We chose such a location because neither of us are out yet. I don't see how what I did as being any different than picking a lad up at a gay bar and bringing him back to my place (or the other way around). What I did wasn't the slightest bit unusually. Some people have sex on the first date, some don't.

BTW, I did tell people I was going to meet some "old school friends" and they knew where my general location would be.

By saying "you need to think about what you're doing and how you're behaving" you're assuming that what I did was something I'd be willing to do frequently. I never did anything sexual in my life up that point and I haven't done anything sexual since the incident. There's nothing consistent in my "behaviour". Besides I had known him through non-direct contact for the past year, so it's not as though I'm like one of those sluts who'd go out and have sex with a million men in a cruising spot. What I did was purely experimentation, nothing more, nothing less.

I imagine any time you decide to have sex with someone that you're taking a risk anyway.

At present, the STI issue is my main concern. I don't think I need to think about how "I" behaved. My conscience was, as it, clear.

The main thing that I've learned from this experience, is;
(a) Always check that the other person is wearing protection before penetration and don't take his word for it.
(b) Go through the dating process before doing anything physical with a guy. I'm not out of the closet and it's really hard to date people without them finding out. I'm not ready to come out yet though but it's something I am working towards. I don't want to be too optimistic but I think I will start coming out to people some time in the New Year (New Years Resolution :P). When I'm ready to come out I'll start to date guys again but not online, more likely in some gay venue (but I couldn't imagine myself being the slutty type, in hindsight, at the minute I'm looking for a proper relationship, not mere one-nighters).

paddymorrison wrote: »

Hey OP, I had a similar scare a few months ago, so I understand how you were feeling. It's great that your results come back negative. Did they tell you to go back in 3 months time? I was told that HIV might not be detected in these tests for up to 3 months. I am sure you are going to be fine, but you might want to have another test just in case.

I'll be doing that, just to make sure. But I saw his result in hand at the clinic (I insisted his he show then to me) and they were all clear. In the file, there were previous test results of his and they were all clear too. So I'm not very worried but all the same, I will go back and check in about two months time.

oisindoyle

ScaredAndWorried wrote: »

(b) Go through the dating process before doing anything physical with a guy. I'm not out of the closet and it's really hard to date people without them finding out. I'm not ready to come out yet though but it's something I am working towards. I don't want to be too optimistic but I think I will start coming out to people some time in the New Year (New Years Resolution :P). When I'm ready to come out I'll start to date guys again but not online, more likely in some gay venue (but I couldn't imagine myself being the slutty type, in hindsight, at the minute I'm looking for a proper relationship, not mere one-nighters).



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best of luck with whatever you do.If you do decide to come out ,take your time ,theres never any rush in doing this ,for some its a gradual thing others tell all with all guns a balzin !!...
As for the comment about not dating guys online ,,,,Dont knock this on the hed completely ,,,many many relationships being after first meetong online ,,,Like everyhting else theres always a few bad apples and a few stranger people online ,,but never give up ,,,I know of so so many guys who met their now partners on line ,,,be it gaydar or queerid or where ever ,,,,,
Good luck , i wish you well and i hope 2012 is YOUR year