What to say to him now

Ave Sodalis

I'm in a long distance relationship with a lovely guy. He lives in England and since finances are tight on both sides, we only get to see each-other for a week, maybe twice or three times a year. We keep in almost constant contact through skype, facebook and text and are very much in love with each other, made plans for the future after university etc.

Recently, he was telling me that he's finding the distance and lack of sex hard and was saying he doesn't know how he'll get through the next few months without me. I had been thinking along the same lines earlier and had remembered that some people have open relationships. I'm not keen on the idea but I thought I should suggest it anyway, so I know his views on it.

He got really upset about it however, and even though I told him it was just a suggestion to get by for the few years we have left in uni and assured him that I didn't particularly want an open relationship, I just wanted to know where he stood regarding one as he said he'd struggle without me, he is still upset with me and I don't know what to say to him.

I probably should have guessed that he wouldn't be happy about me saying it, but I didn't and now I don't know what to do. I don't think he believes me when I say I don't want one. I'm worried now that he will think I would cheat on him which I would never do.

I know there probably isn't a lot of information there, I'm typing this in a rush but has anyone got any suggestions as to what to say to him? I hate seeing him so upset and angry about it

mathproblem

How do you feel about the passion and the feeling in his reaction? Do you find yourself pleased that he is so firm in his belief that the relationship should only involve the two of you? Perhaps you were testing him to see his reaction? Or maybe monogamy for life(or at least a LTR) isn't something you've completely got your head around. Seriously why say it if you don't mean it in the first place... it's like saying you could take it either way, monogamy/open relationship; why not just flip a coin? I'll keep myself for you if you say so, but just say the word and i'll get myself taken care of locally..

It must be hard then to ba away from someone for so long who given a signal like that. You could tell him you were only testing his faithfulness if thats the truth, and then he mught feel better about your commitment to him alone but then it would raise a whole load ofother trust/faith questions.

hullaballoo

I don't think anyone likes to hear the line, "I was testing your commitment."


It's a tough situation but all you can do now is apologise. It's one of those things that just has to blow over, with you reassuring him that you don't want an open relationship, if that's how you feel. You're in a situation where trying to explain it away is really digging a deeper hole for yourself.

I am a friend

Any chance you could surprise him with a trip over and talk to him face to face?

Ave Sodalis

mathproblem, nope, I wasn't testing his commitment at all. I know he wouldn't go behind my back. He had just said that he doesn't know how he'd last for that many months without me and it seemed like a logical thing to say. At the time anyway, now it just seemed like a very silly thing to say. I only asked him would he consider it and I explained to him that it was with him in mind that I suggested it but he doesn't seem to believe me.

Hullabulloo, that's what I'm doing but I feel as if I should be doing more

Ave Sodalis

I am a friend wrote: »

Any chance you could surprise him with a trip over and talk to him face to face?

I have a trip planned in early January which I'm still saving for. I couldn't go any sooner with exams and family matters. I would love to though, it would be far easier