I'm so sick of being single

LegacyUser

I'm just so sick of being the last one on the shelf. All of my friends are coupled up and I'm just so frustrated, I feel like screaming that I can't meet anyone.

I'm 28 and have never even had a guy call me his girlfriend. Yes I've dated and I've had sex with a few guys but no guy has ever actually called me his girlfriend. For years, I thought positively and just thought my time would come but as the years have gone by, I've become more anxious about it (which I'm well aware is not helping matters).

I don't think I'm hideous - I've had plenty of compliments about my looks and I have a good circle of friends but the one thing that I have epicly failed at so far in my life is my inability to get into a relationship. What the hell is wrong with me? Why do other people find it so easy?

I'm actually at the stage now where I can't deal with this failure in my life and I can't face my life alone. Its something I constantly think about and I can't stop obsessing about what a failure I am in comparison to my friends. I've begun to despise myself because I feel like such a loser and I'm so angry at myself for not getting things right. I just want to end it all but obviously I'm never actually going to do that.

I've just quit my job also, mainly because I now have zilch confidence. I just think that because I'm incapable of having a relationship, I'm incapable of life in general so I'm quitting while I'm ahead to get a good reference.

I just want to be NORMAL! How can I be normal? All the people posting in the relationship forum have no idea how lucky they are to even be able to get into a relationship.

Fentdog84

I dont mean to sound harsh here op but it strikes me in your post that you've been kinda waiting for or expecting things to happen for you rather than showing inititiative and making things happen. You ask questions like why arent I in a relationship? Whats wrong with me? Why cant I be normal? But only you can really answer those questions and come up with solutions to those problems.

The first thing you should do is calm down and relax. Try and have fun. Someone who is miserable or anxious all the time is not an attractive proposition for a relationship. When you are out dont be stand-offish, smile and the world smiles with you and all that and you'll be getting approaches and phone number exchanges/dates in no time. Eventually if you go on enough dates you'll meet some guy you really like who seems right. Just let him know very early that you are interested in a relationship rather than waiting for him to make all the moves. If he's not on the same page just move on to the next one. Perhaps Im over simplifying it all but if a relationship is what you really desire you have to focus on a path to making that happen for you rather than sitting at home saying poor me. Good luck.

nowyouresix

OP: Never say never... you have just lost hope, for the moment. Its not helpful to compare yourself to your friends all the time. Maybe, just maybe, one or more of them would love to have your life. You sound as if you need to work on your confidence first. If you don't then you probably will get involved with someone unsuitable, almost out of desperation. There are plenty of guys out there, have you tried locating someone online? You are not incapable of having a relationship, but if you believe you are, then you will be. You have to pretend to be confident to actually become confident...as in live it to be it.
On the positive....you are young, and there are so many options open to you! Don't be so defeatist.
Best of luck !

Seraphina

You quit your job, because you feel like a failure, because no man has ever called you his girlfriend?

No offence OP, but get some self esteem. Nobody likes a miserable girl who constantly whines about being single. Maybe if you had something else going on in your life other than your worry about 'being left on the shelf', you might be more interesting to men.

You reek of desperation and men can smell it. You don't even ask about suggestions for meeting men with similar interests, all your post talks about is your obsession with getting into or being in a relationship.

While I get that you are lonely, you've got to realise it doesn't just 'happen'. You need to make an effort to meet men, and you have to have something to offer them that's not just 'being in a relationship'. I'm not trying to say you don't have anything to offer men, but your post just implies you care more about the status of having someone call you his girlfriend, than who this person who calls you his girlfriend actually is.

What happened with the previous men and the dates? Did you give them a chance? Did you write them off for silly reasons such as 'not tall enough', 'don't like his job', [insert other weird reasons I have heard women dismiss men for]. Did you make an effort to show interest, did you express a desire to see them again without smothering them with texts and calls? Do you have 'rules' that you date by?

missbelle

Have you tried Online dating, as a different medium of meeting guys?
Good thread on it in Gentlemans Club

kdb14

Hi OP, Sounds like the Quarter-Life Crisis- look it up!! Felt in a smiliar way myself a while ago and packed in the job too, was down in the dumps for a while then started working with a life coach. Great help and haven't looked back! There's nothing wrong with you at all so dont' beat yourself up about it!

LegacyUser

sosickofit wrote: »

I'm just so sick of being the last one on the shelf. All of my friends are coupled up and I'm just so frustrated, I feel like screaming that I can't meet anyone.

I'm 28 and have never even had a guy call me his girlfriend. Yes I've dated and I've had sex with a few guys but no guy has ever actually called me his girlfriend. For years, I thought positively and just thought my time would come but as the years have gone by, I've become more anxious about it (which I'm well aware is not helping matters).

I don't think I'm hideous - I've had plenty of compliments about my looks and I have a good circle of friends but the one thing that I have epicly failed at so far in my life is my inability to get into a relationship. What the hell is wrong with me? Why do other people find it so easy?

I'm actually at the stage now where I can't deal with this failure in my life and I can't face my life alone. Its something I constantly think about and I can't stop obsessing about what a failure I am in comparison to my friends. I've begun to despise myself because I feel like such a loser and I'm so angry at myself for not getting things right. I just want to end it all but obviously I'm never actually going to do that.

I've just quit my job also, mainly because I now have zilch confidence. I just think that because I'm incapable of having a relationship, I'm incapable of life in general so I'm quitting while I'm ahead to get a good reference.

I just want to be NORMAL! How can I be normal? All the people posting in the relationship forum have no idea how lucky they are to even be able to get into a relationship.

I understand your frustration. It just seems to happen to lots of other people, I see it myself all the time, they break up with somebody then a few weeks later they're with another person. Its like this club you're not invited to be part of. You try figure out what you're doing wrong but you just dont get it. Everybody else seems to get it, even though they cant explain what "it" is. Patronising as hell when people start telling you to relax or try internet dating or the classic, stop looking, then you'll find someone.
On a pratical level I will say this much, your self esteem doesnt seem to be the best, and I dont think having a boyfriend would make a difference. Could actually make it worse. I mean going into a relationship with low self esteem is a recipe for disaster. Work on yourself, thats pretty much crucial

Janet1986

Believe me there is alot to be said for the single life!

I was single until recently and met a guy and got myself into a right mess, he was married, using my pics for adults sites and i got an sti!

I am now singe again and the one thing i will say is i have peace of mind,
I can come and go as i please and no more stress thinking about him!

So enjoy your life and be your own boss