Family Problems

tipp.angel

Hi,

Im new to boards, I am writing this blog because I need some advice. I am 22 years old, I broke up with my ex last xmas due to a very abusive relationship. We had a little girl together who is now three. At the end of the relationship , myself and my daughter moved home to my parents house, it was the best thing at the time. I am a student so I could not really afford to get a new house. Anyway now its nearly a year that we moved home, I dont have a great relationship with my mother, she hates noise in her house, I feel ike she bullies me alot and it can be quite psychological. If my daughter was playing or singing she would always be saying "be quite or shut up".It drives me mad and I feel I cant ignore it or rise above it. I find that really difficult as I think children should be allowed to express themself to a point. My mothers sighs, facial expressions and constant tutting. I feel like Im stuck in a rut coz If i stand up for myself im afraid that I will be told to move out and I dont want to be homeless with my 3yr old. My mother is very cold, critical and judgemental. Now I regret moving home, but at the time it was my only choice. I have a great bond with my daughter, I want to protect from all the abuse that i have experienced in my life. I feel now that i just cant get away from abuse. And it mentally draining me. I see a counsellor. Does anyone have any advice?

dr.bollocko

Moved from After hours.
Please be aware that all posts are now subject to the PI charter and not that of after hours. Good luck OP I hope you get some good advice in here.

LegacyUser

Are you eligible for a house on the council list? Almost all of the girls I know of who had a child got a house for themselves very quickly.
It's sad that your mother doesn't seem to be very welcoming to you and your child. You could try talking to her and explain how you feel, but at the end of the day if she finds having a baby in the house too annoying, she will get to have the final say as it is her house.
Are you paying any rent to her? This should maybe offer you some more privileges in the house, but I think you would be better of getting your own place for you and your daughter instead of having to put up with just feeling like an annoyance on your mother.
She is entitled to enjoy a peaceful quiet home in her own house, and she has helped you out by letting you and your daughter return to stay with her for the last year. She mightn't be very happy about it, but could have just as easily turned you down.
I think you should look up your entitlements, and see if you would be eligible for rent allowance on your own place, or else a council house/apartment.

I am a friend

Are you always in the house? Do youj pull your weight with cleaning, cooking etc?

You could get out as much as possible and go to mothers and baby groups, call to friends, go for a walk etc etc so your mother has some free time in her own house.

qwertytlk

Are you on the council list? You wouldnt get a house straight away but if your not on it you should put your name down anyway, with a view to having a secure home of your own (or partly anyway) in the future. In dublin i think the wait is usually at minium of 1 year-but that would e crazy fast. I think its normally more like 4years, but this all depends on personal circumstances as houses are awarded on a points system which is largely based on personal circumstances. If your in college, single parent & not working or on lone parents you should be entitled to some sort of rent allowance. I know a people from college who are single with a child/children and living in dublin who gets 930+ per month rent supplement.
The reason i have jumped in with this advice first is that from the way you describe your mother, and the fact she seems to have been this way all your life, it doesnt seem likely she will change anytime soon.
Obviously this bullying and bad attitute will be having a negative impact on your little girl, who you, like most parents, only want the best for. So unless talking to your mother ( trying to get her to at least stop picking on and bullying her 3 year old grand daughter) would work? have you tried this? Would she perhaps be willing to go to counselling herself, or with you to family therapy/mediation or something? Other than this i would try and remove yourself and your daughter from this unhealthy situation as soon as you can.

Also just wanted to say you sound like a good mother, going back to college and trying to do best for your little girl while also trying to deal with this awful situation. Best of luck with it all.

username123

Have you talked to citizens information about your entitlements if you moved out? You might be eligible for rent allowance, which could tide you over while being on a council house waiting list?