Dont know what to do

LegacyUser

Ive been with my Bf 8 years niw, ever since we were 16. Everything thing was great until -
About 2 years ago and things have benn going down hill pretty fast lately.

Im so confused bout everything, my life hasnt exactly worked out the way i planned. We used to have loads of fun and just were happy when we were around each other, now its like were just friends and its more me feeling this way then him from what i can tell..
I feel horrible for feeling like this but i just cant be the same person i was a few years ago. Its like hes the only one thatmakes the effort and im just throwing it back in his face.

We dont argue or fight much at all, its normally him doing something to wind me up even joke stuff etc and i end up snapping. I can always see it in his face how he's feeling and that its getting him down but its always hard to talk bout whats happening.

I feel as thou we are at 2 different places in our lives at the moment, i know what i wanna do n the next year or so and he just seems to e going along day by day not caring about bigger plans and whenever i do bring stuff like travelling etc up, it ALWAYS develops into an argument and im just sick of it now and just wish i could get on a plane tomorrow and fly away, theres nothing else keeping me here except our relationship.

He is an extremely loving person but i sometimes wonder why he would still be with me with all everything happening, its like were just best friends lately and not partners, i feel so bad cos in the last 2 years our sex life has gone from amazing to near non exsistant and now pretty much only happens when he initiates it. Im pretty sure my sex drive is at zero And as much as i try i just cant get it back. The problems really started when i started to lose interest in sex and its been thrown in my face a few times during arguments and i just never know what to say back to it when he challenges me on it. I just feel worthless and a bad girlfriend

He has been pretty much my whole adult life, we'vealways dbe everything together since we were 16 and the close group of friends we once had has since drifted apart so its just us and thats sorta holding me back from doing what i wanna do. I worry for him that he will be lonely and have no support etc if i was to leave and i couldnt stand to do that to him even if it meant me doing what i wanna do.

I really love him with all my heart and thats whats making this sooo hard, i dknt want to be with out him but am unhappy at the moment, so dnypt know what to do

I really dont want to hurt him but am really hurting myself in the long run. I could really do with some advice as my head is so messed up i cant even think straight without getting upset over it.

Thanks

Firetrap

From here, it looks like you might have outgrown each other and I think you know that. You've been together for a long time and people do go through a lot of changes, both personally and in their lives, during this time. You do sound like you are prepared to break up but worry about hurting him and abandoning him. I think though that if you continue on like this, unhappy and with doubts, you'll only be prolonging things. For sure, he will be hurt and angry at the start but he will be alright once he gets over things.

holyhead

Surely being best friends with your boyfriend is a great foundation for a long life with him no? Why do you think the fizz has gone for you. You may find the fizz with someone else but if that's all there is to it will be enough? Can you rediscover the fizz with your boyfriend?

Firetrap

I forgot to add too that you're second guessing what your boyfriend is thinking. Sitting down with himself for an honest chat wouldn't go amiss either. Especially if you think that if some problems are solved, that you would have a future together.

That is a question you do need to ask yourself - do you see yourselves together long term? Maybe getting married, having kids?

Fentdog84

Its a tough one OP, and it seems you are at a crossroads. You have been together long enough now that its probably difficult to envisage life outside of that. But it does sound to me like you want to break up. Have you been feeling like this a while or has it only sprung upon you recently? if its the latter Id say give it a bit more time or talk with him and explain how you are really feeling.

Look Ive never been in a relationship that long myself so I dont really know what its like but what Id say is that you are still young and if you want to go do your own thing, you should if you feel this relationship is holding you back from that.Talk it through with him and maybe you could suggest to go for your year's travelling or whatever and see how things are when you get back. I realise that may not always work but it might be the best alternative. Otherwise you should probably just cut loose altogether, and just get it over with, difficult as it might be.