Depressed girlfriend

LegacyUser

I really need some advice on how to deal with my relationship with my girlfriend, we have been together for a couple of years at this stage. She has never been a happy person, and things have never been that easy between us but we stayed together because she was trying to work through some problems she had and i was trying to be there for her.

Things havent been good between us recently and she has become depressed and suicidal. i really dont know what to do. i know all the problems in this relationship cant be blamed on her but i feel shes blaming all her problems on me and has even gone as far as saying its my fault shes suicidal even though she had this problem a few years before i even met her. Recently we did have a bad argument and she attempted suicide.

She doesnt have contact with any of her family and almost no contact with friends so im really the only person she can talk to. i need to get out of this situation for my own sake but i cant bare to leave her all on her own despite all our problems. i dont want to be in this relationship, im only staying in it for her but i know if i walk away from her shell try to kill herself again. i cant take responsibility she is putting on me, she has told me recently that if things dont work out between us its quite likely she'll kill herself and i believe her

i know im in a serious mess , i need help

LegacyUser

You need to speak to her GP immediately.

Ickle Magoo

Either speak to her own GP if you know who that is or contact your own GP and ask for guidance on how to get someone who is suicidal the help they clearly need.

Either way, you cannot stay in a relationship because your girlfriend is using threatening her life as leverage to ensure you won't leave. She needs help that you are not qualified or responsible to provide and she cannot use threats against her life to keep you. Contact your/her GP asap...at the weekend the surgery should have a divert or number for an out-of-hours service.

All the best.

nicechick!

Bunk33 wrote: »

I really need some advice on how to deal with my relationship with my girlfriend, we have been together for a couple of years at this stage. She has never been a happy person, and things have never been that easy between us but we stayed together because she was trying to work through some problems she had and i was trying to be there for her.

Things havent been good between us recently and she has become depressed and suicidal. i really dont know what to do. i know all the problems in this relationship cant be blamed on her but i feel shes blaming all her problems on me and has even gone as far as saying its my fault shes suicidal even though she had this problem a few years before i even met her. Recently we did have a bad argument and she attempted suicide.

She doesnt have contact with any of her family and almost no contact with friends so im really the only person she can talk to. i need to get out of this situation for my own sake but i cant bare to leave her all on her own despite all our problems. i dont want to be in this relationship, im only staying in it for her but i know if i walk away from her shell try to kill herself again. i cant take responsibility she is putting on me, she has told me recently that if things dont work out between us its quite likely she'll kill herself and i believe her

i know im in a serious mess , i need help

Any your own personally happiness? One thing that me here is you say ''we stayed together because she was trying to work through some problems she had and i was trying to be there for her'' though extremely admirable I hope your in this relationship for the right reasons!! Now

Your GF is not alone nor should she solely rely on one other person to help her that puts huge emotional pressure on you though the support in this battle is vital you must think of your own mental well being also. She needs professional help your support is great but be realistic her depression does not solely rely on you nor should you expect this she needs to help herself overcome her own personal battle.

Get her to go see a GP and to seek counselling. Get counselling professional advice for yourself also its not easy coping with a loved ones depression

www.aware.ie

holyhead

Ultimately we as individuals are responsible for our own welfare. She needs to talk to someone or see her GP. Someone who puts that kind of emotional pressure on you is unfortunately not well. I commend you for trying to do the right thing and for placing the welfare of others above your own.

IrishEyes19

Hi, OP, I know sort of what you are talking about here. Having had a close friend with depression. All I can say is, there came a time where I had to slowly cut contact as it got to a stage where it was a misery in my own life.

I understand your fear regarding the suicide thing, its terrifying. I had the same issue with that friend where I got frightening phone calls at all times night and day demanding I answer a text or come over or that person would commit that awful act. it was always a threat. Problem is, your gf is using emotional blackmail whether she is aware of it or not. And its not fair to you.

I know you feel responsible for her life at the moment but its not your responsibility either, no one should have that much control over someone.
I agree with everyones advice here. Tell her GP, counsellor whoever she is seeing. And although this is harsh, end the relationship slowly perhaps. I understand she doesnt contact her family but could you? Surely theres someone else who cares for her. Either way, you cant live like this and shouldnt have to.

Depression is a terrible curse on the patient but also their close ones. It truly is. But sometimes it gets to a stage where you cant be expected to be the backbone for them 24/7, you need help.

LegacyUser

First of all, thanks for all the replies.

I have gotten her to see counsellers on a few occassions but she refuses to go back because she thinks they are useless and they just make things worse. She has been on anti depressants for a few months and they didnt work. She just recently started on different ones and we are waiting to see if they have any effect.

In regards to contacting her family, i probably could if i tried but she blames these people for the way she is, and has done alot to get away from them. i think it would be counter productive to bring them into this.

I know what she is doing is emotional blackmail but she feels that every person that she has ever cared about in life has abandoned her. If i leave her im just so terrified that she'll go through with what shes been saying.

Im gonna take you guys advice and get onto her gp

estar

Call her on the blackmail and tell her it will serve to drive you away rather than assist you. I wouldn't contact the family without her permission but to be honest perhaps she needs a referral from her gp for more intense treatment like day clinics. She needs to take her counselling more seriously. Communicate how you feel under pressure and need her to commit to treatment so she remains safe. It's not your job to keep her alive it is her's.

LegacyUser

Been there man. I know you wanna be a decent guy and all but you have to look after your own health here. My ex was depressed and it was like a black hole that sucked the life out of everything around her. It was a very difficult situation as I really did love her but in the end I had to exercise self care and take myself away from her and out of the relationship. Her self care is her resposibility just like your self care is your resposibility. You cant sacrifice your happiness for somebody else, doesnt work, you'll end up resentful and the whole thing will be a mess anyway.
My advice, get out of that relationship.

Neyite

You may think that it is the easiest thing in the world to be anonymous and give you advice like "leave her" but I can assure you its not.

I know someone who was in your very position for a long time. The only problem was that he was too nice to be firm and do what needed to be done. He finally broke free after years, and it traumitised him for years after. After all the threats his ex is still alive and well and no doubt making some other poor sod's life a misery.

In this case, when suicide threats no longer worked, she tried her best to get pregnant, but luckily he was aware that she had it in mind and didnt succumb once to bedding her. He broke free, but she managed to track him down. It finally took a threat of a restraining order out on her to make her go away.

She is responsible for her own wellbeing. You are for yours. I would strongly suggest that you get counselling to talk to someone about this in detail - you need to do this for you.

meoklmrk91

She is in a dark hole, and sadly nothing nor no one can help her until she decides to help herself. Antidepressants, counsilling none if it will work until she is ready to do the work. That means serious counselling and maybe antidepressants.

Its completely unfair of her to put you in the position that she is putting you in. especially trying to kill herself after you have had an argument, that's just plain cruel in my opinion. She is literally holding you for ransom.

She is clearly searching for the thing that will make her see that life is worth living, and you aren't it, and that is not a failure on your part, she is just looking in the wrong place.

You are not responsible for her happiness, however I get that you feel you cant leave. If I were you I would sit her down and tell her that she needs to seek help herself, not you making her go, and she needs to keep it up. If she refuses then you need to place her care, not your job BTW, in somebody else's hands, a trained professional, not talking about signing her in or anything just speak to her GP or someone you know she will listen to.

This whole situation could get out of hand very quickly, but I must applaud you for your caring and kindness. Remember you need to look after yourself as well though, this has obviously been a really tough burden to bear. I really wish you the best of luck and hope that you get what you need.