Will the heartbreak ever end

LegacyUser

The love of my life broke up with me in June. Life has been a blur since then. I love him dearly. I hadnt seen him in a month. Last Friday I met him the chemistry has always been great and one thing lead to another. When we see each other it is right and normal and totally great. But he doesnt want to be together anymore. Even though we love each other!

We had a very turbulent 2 years together. We commuted over and back to the UK for a year. Then I moved over. Then his ex haunted him for 3 months!

But we both strived to getting him back here getting a good job and a life. And we got it. Then he broke up with me.

Im so so heartbroken. I am thinking about going back to the UK. I feel lost about my job my life and my zest for life has gone. I have so many friends and hobbies and a great family. But I cannot get over him. My friends tell me move on I'll meet someone else etc etc. But I just cant seem to do it.

Im not looking forward to Christmas at all and I always loved it. I feel guilty for being so miserable all the time when I am blessed with so many good people in my life. I hate my job too at the moment and I guess now that Im on my own I have to sort that out.

I loved everything about him. We are great together. So many common interests so much attraction and so much potential.

den87

Im kind of in the same boat here. Still trying to get over my ex gf, i know we wouldnt be good together if we got back together but i still want to. And i know exactly how you feel with people telling you to "meet someone else", it's not exactly that easy when you're still heartbroken.

But dont move back to UK because of him, stay strong, take one day at a time and before you know it you'll be happy again. I'm slowly getting there, it just takes a lot of time.

I am a friend

Op I remember your original posts - until you stop contacting and sleeping with this guy you will never get over him.

username123

Im gonna be straight up here and youre gonna think its harsh but sometimes the truth hurts.

heartbroken2011 wrote: »

The love of my life broke up with me in June. Life has been a blur since then. I love him dearly.

Thats very sad, it happens though and you need to look forward and not back - but the healing process does take time.

heartbroken2011 wrote: »

I hadnt seen him in a month. Last Friday I met him the chemistry has always been great and one thing lead to another. When we see each other it is right and normal and totally great. But he doesnt want to be together anymore. Even though we love each other!

The chemistry is great - FOR YOU.
You still love him, not you love each other.

Unless you stop seeing him and sleeping with him youre going nowhere in terms of healing and getting over him.

As for him, I just think his behaviour is pretty despicable, especially if you are as open about loving him to him as you are on here. He is basically getting to use you for the good bits, sex, and then not bothering with the relationship parts.

Youre letting him use you. Isnt that great for him, all the fun and none of the emotion or responsibility of a relationship? Sure why would he want a relationship with you if you let him sleep with you anyway!!! Much better to keep you there to sleep with and then the next day if he wants to sleep with someone else he can because he isnt in a relationship with you!!

Please get some self respect and stop talking to or sleeping with him. You are making a fool of yourself by allowing that to go on.

heartbroken2011 wrote: »

We had a very turbulent 2 years together. We commuted over and back to the UK for a year. Then I moved over. Then his ex haunted him for 3 months!

But we both strived to getting him back here getting a good job and a life. And we got it. Then he broke up with me.

All past history, the relationship is over, it doesnt matter if you climbed Everest and donated him a kidney in the past - its in the past.

heartbroken2011 wrote: »

Im so so heartbroken. I am thinking about going back to the UK. I feel lost about my job my life and my zest for life has gone. I have so many friends and hobbies and a great family. But I cannot get over him. My friends tell me move on I'll meet someone else etc etc. But I just cant seem to do it.

Its normal to feel lost after a relationship breaks up. Just try to get over it - but you wont do that as long as you still have contact with this guy. You do realise that if you stay in contact with him its going to start hurting more when he gets a new gf and then more when it gets serious with his new gf etc.... No good can come of keeping up the contact unless you are totally over him - and that wont happen the way things are now.

heartbroken2011 wrote: »

Im not looking forward to Christmas at all and I always loved it. I feel guilty for being so miserable all the time when I am blessed with so many good people in my life. I hate my job too at the moment and I guess now that Im on my own I have to sort that out.

Seriously - stop the pity party - start moving on.

heartbroken2011 wrote: »

I loved everything about him. We are great together. So many common interests so much attraction and so much potential.

Yeah I know, all that potential etc.... Its all irrelevant because he wanted to break up. And guess what - time for good news - you actually meet loads of people in life that you could have that much attraction and potential with - only if youre open to it though. You dont just get one person. And he wasnt all that judging by how he is treating you now - remember that - he is not helping you over this - he is actually making it worse for you and treating you with massive disrespect and selfishness as well.

Sorry for the harsh words - but I think youll do better if you open your eyes and see how he is really treating you.

Firetrap

The ONLY way you are ever going to get over this is to cut him out of your life completely. It's clear from Friday's episode that you can't handle things very well. It takes two people to make a relationship, not one. You can list out all the reasons why you are meant to be together but they don't matter one jot. He dumped you. He doesn't want to be your boyfriend. Nothing you can do will change that.

The sooner you cut ties, the better. You need to get on with your own life and stop making a fool of yourself. You can bet your bottom dollar that despite him being happy to have sex with you, he's keeping his options open. You do need to realise that there's a good chance he'll meet someone else. Where will that leave you then?

IrishEyes19

This is going to sound so harsh, but you need to see reality here.

you love him now, Im sure he loved you at a time, but he doesnt love you anymore and you are only hurting yourself telling yourself that he does. if he did, he would want a relationship.

secondly, you WERE great together, but again....not anymore. you have to get rid of this delusion and try and move on or trust me, it wont get any better. I know its really hard, but its for the best. there will be a time when you will wake up someday and the pain wont be as bad. But you obviously want more than just a casual fling and this guy has already told you, he doesnt.

zumbar

Hi OP,

I'm going through something similar at the moment. My ex-girlfriend broke up with me 5 months ago, and it completely devastated me. What made it worse was that she came back twice and we'd try again, and then a few weeks later she'd disappear again. The last time being a month ago. She was home in Ireland (We live in Amsterdam) and she rang me and dumped me again. My own fault - I shouldn't have taken her back, but I was just desperate to make it work.

This time I've completely cut off contact with her though - which is really tough after 4 years of being together, but it's the only way. You don't start healing until you've done that. The heart break will end, but the first step to take is to break off contact. I'm still an emotional mess after 1 month, but having been through this before, I know I'll be ok in around 5 or 6 months. You just need to take one day at a time and slowly slowly it'll start getting better.

Breakups are not the end of the world, although I know - right now it does feel like they are.

LegacyUser

Thank you all for your honesty and your time in replying.
I have been a fool and admittedly the truth of that does hurt.
Its very hard to fathom that someone who treated you so well could suddenly turn on you in such a different way. Maybe Im totally deluded.

I am a friend

heartbroken2011 wrote: »

Maybe Im totally deluded.

well you havent listened to any of the advice you have been given on your various threads...

Do you think what you have been doing is working for you with regard him? It doesnt look like it so why keep doing it?

He has treated you badly yet you make excuses for him. when is that going to stop?

Look, at the end of the day, the only one hurting is you. he is getting his end away and your ongoing devotion any time he wants. what are you getting?

Firetrap

sunflower27 wrote: »

If it was going to work you'd be together.

^^ This

Don't waste your time trying to rationalise what has happened. People change, people's feelings change. He doesn't want you for anything apart from no strings attached sex. Get on with your life.

LegacyUser

Thank you all for your honesty. I have been a fool for too long and it feels now like I have been my own worst enemy. I guess the rejection is just soul destroying and I have never had my heart broken before.

I have made a promise to myself to start living again. To make the changes I need to to make myself happy.

I am a bit of a die hard romantic and I was an eternal optimist about him. But I have let it consume my life for too long already.

Thank you all for your time and honesty. The time has come now for me to realise my worth and get up and go again