So jealous of his ex

LegacyUser

I can pretty much guess what people's reactions are going to be to this but I need to get it off my chest anyway. I'm insanely jealous of my boyf's ex and I can feel it starting to damage our relationship.

This girl is everything I'm not. I'm 10 years older than her, she's absolutely stunning, gifted and my boyf was devestated when she broke up with him (about 18 months ago, we've been together for 7months).

My boyf has said I'm the only one for him, that he can see us settling down and having a family. But I can't get this girl out of my head. He doesn't really talk about her, if he does it's about how hurt he was over some of the things she did.

I know that this is all in my head. Sometimes I go on facebook, look her up (her profile is public) and just go through all her photos getting more and more depressed at how beautiful she is and what an amazing fun life she seems to have. I also came across pics on one of her friends pages and there were various ones of her and my boyfriend kissing etc.

He was a total mess when they broke up, and some things have left scars. Yet he reassures me over and over that he loves only me, I'm his soulmate, and he wants to marry me in the next few years. He has said that although some things have left their mark, he is completely over her as a person.

I know I'm sabotaging a great thing...but when the fear kicks in I go on a downward spiral. Today I blocked her and all her friends on fb so I can't go stalking their pictures feeling sorry for myself. What the hell is wrong with me?

holyhead

I'm wondering is it really this other girl that bothers you or is it your own insecurity/lack of self esteem. From what you told us I'm gathering that your bf sees his future with you. I'm sure you realise that their is more to people than looks. I would recommend that you work on your own self esteem/confidence issue and try to shut this other girl out of your mind.

chester222

I know exatly how you feel, I used to (still do sometimes) feel the same. but when them thought pop into my head or he mentions anything about her or reminds me/him of her i think to myself, he is with me now not her.! Doesnt matter who broke up with who, their relationship didnt work out for what ever reason, and he is trying to make this one work and i felt myself pushing him away because of it so i just MADE myself stop. there is nothing wrong with you, but as the other post said, and i know personnally, its DEFO insercuirity and low self-esteem that makes us think like this.
Hope it helps

Ickle Magoo

I'm with the other posters - this is really nothing to do with the ex and everything to do with your own low self-esteem making you see her as better than you.

The only thing that should matter is how your boyfriend feels about you and how you feel about him - who you used to go out with is neither here nor there. When people you care about end things it hurts - and can leave scars; but that doesn't mean you can't recover, meet someone else and feel even more strongly about them.

Would you consider counselling? It might help to talk to a third party and get to the bottom of why are being so hard on yourself.

All the best.

LegacyUser

OP here. Thanks for the replies guys.

I actually am in counselling. I was in an abusive relationship which I got out of shortly before starting my new relationship which is why I've been attending.

It just seems like they were perfect together. They look like they belong together, all the photos that he's in he looks like hes having the time of his life. She's a super-talented musician, looks like (classy) glamour model (if that makes sense). My boyfriend is very hot, the sweetest guy you could meet. I just feel wrong that I'm with him. I don't know why they broke up, or how he couldn't still be in love with her.

I know I have esteem issues...but most girls probably would feel a bit weird anyway if their boyf had an ex like her.

But then I feel so stupid sometimes. After my past experience of an abusive relationship I can safely say that my guy is a wonderful boyfriend. He has even said he wants to have children with me. I worry though...I'm 8 years older than him. I'm going to be wrinkly and grey when he's just reaching his prime...

Taltos

sugarbombcupcake1 wrote: »

It just seems like they were perfect together. They look like they belong together, all the photos that he's in he looks like hes having the time of his life. She's a super-talented musician, looks like (classy) glamour model (if that makes sense). My boyfriend is very hot, the sweetest guy you could meet. I just feel wrong that I'm with him. I don't know why they broke up, or how he couldn't still be in love with her.

Look
If they were perfect for each other - they would still be together.
Why they broke up - why care? Really? It was not your relationship and focussing on it right now is not healthy for you or for this relationship.

You have to learn to let this go or you will push him away...
Trust me - few guys are enarmoured with a girlfriend who is jealous about an ex - someone from your past...

If you are already in counselling discuss this - but don't let it ruin what you have.
If he is talking of kids - well wow.
Who cares about the age difference or anything else - just enjoy being with someone who cares about you as much as he does.

Liam Byrne

sugarbombcupcake1 wrote: »

It just seems like they were perfect together. They look like they belong together, all the photos that he's in he looks like hes having the time of his life.

How many people you know upload photos where they look crap, or take out a camera in the middle of a petty argument ?

Stop looking for "proof" that you're "right"......you're not.

sophieblake

I am very jealous and insecure too, worry sometimes who my man is texting or e-mailing. If I see him looking at someone in the pub or talking to someone I am convinced he wants them. i hate it and I am constantly fighting these feelings but they won't go away.