Teenagers Freedom

Justask

How much do you give your?

What time do they have to be home by school nights/weekends, How much laptop time etc

Moonbeam

It depends on age and maturity.

Justask

thats why Im asking to get a feel of what other parents do

Orion

Age is still important. It would help if you gave the age you are concerned about. A 13 year old would get a lot less freedom than a 17 year old.

Justask

Orion wrote: »

Age is still important. It would help if you gave the age you are concerned about. A 13 year old would get a lot less freedom than a 17 year old.

Im not looking for advice im just looking to see what other parents do.... ie 'I.ve a 14 year old and has to be in at blahblah bla'
Like a discussion!!!

Never mind
Thanks

KittyeeTrix

we live out in the country but my teenage lads attend school in Galway city so they dont really get to kinda hang out with friends late at night .

with respect to laptop time, i pretty much leave them to it!

The eldest has an iPhone and i did once see some porn he had on it but to be honest I wasn't bothered by it at all.....
I think I'd be classed as a quite liberal parent but it's working for us!

Justask

fluffyorganic1 wrote: »

they dont really get to kinda hang out with friends late at night .

!

Thats a blessing in disguise

Cat Melodeon

I acted as sole guardian to my brother from when he was 15 (our parents had passed away) so although I'm not a parent to a teen, I have parented one. He would totally take the michael if allowed, so we ended up with a fairly strict routine in place. He wasn't allowed out on school nights except to his best friend's house and only once he had finished all homework and done his chores (help with wash-up, walk the dogs etc). He had to be back by 10.30pm. Occasionally there would be a weekday trip to the cinema for someone's birthday, but not very often. He was allowed out a bit later on Fri/Sat night, but still had to be home by midnight unless there was something special on (end-of-term teen disco, a gig, late movie etc). I would insist on picking him up myself after events so he'd know that he wouldn't get away with drinking etc and to keep him out of teen drivers' cars.

If he was staying over at a friend's house at the weekend, I would always call the parents to make sure he was actually staying - had an incident early on where he lied about where he was staying so I never took his word for it after that. He wasn't a bad kid and we have a brilliant relationship (he's 22 now) but he did constantly push the boundaries to test my limits (and my consistency).

As for internet access, he didn't have his own computer and could only use mine in the living room, again once homework was done and not after 10.30pm. If he abused that, I would simply switch off the wifi. I didn't really monitor what he was up to online - I'd check the history to make sure there was no hardcore porn etc as it was MY laptop - but I never checked up on his bebo or facebook accounts as that was private as far as I was concerned.

There was a period when he had a girlfriend where I'd make him give me his phone before going to bed as otherwise he'd be texting all night - he'd be at it until 2 or 3 in the morning and wouldn't get up for school the next day - so the only solution was to take it off him. Taking the phone was also a fairly regular punishment for misbehaviour as nothing else was as effective. Fun battles we had, I'm so glad it's all over!

I think it's important that teens learn that freedoms are earned, they're not entitled to anything. Routine all the way - strict schoolnight curfews, looser weekend ones and all laptop/phone/going out privileges dependent on good behaviour. Good behaviour is easy to measure - homework done, no notes home from school, a set list of household tasks to be completed each day/week, and not having to be nagged to do any of it.

KittyeeTrix

Justask wrote: »

Thats a blessing in disguise

Aye, I'd say it is alright!!
It is easier than having the constant battles at 14-15 yrs about wanting to be out later:D

Justask

fluffyorganic1 wrote: »

Aye, I'd say it is alright!!
It is easier than having the constant battles at 14-15 yrs about wanting to be out later:D

And there is ALWAYS someone out later then their allowed :rolleyes:

The dark night are frecking me out though I want mine to be in before it get dark but its dark at 4.30

Teens great fun

KittyeeTrix

can be tough work being a parent to a teen but I can honestly say I much prefer it over being a parent to babies or toddlers!!!

The hardest part for me sometimes is allowing them the freedom to grow as people without stifling them so much that they can't grow (ya know?), but at the same time keeping them relatively safe (without going down the cotton wool route).....

ezryder

Really interesting thread!

I've a 13year old daughter. No way is she allowed out anywhere on a school night...bed by 10.30 - 11 @ the v latest. We're sort of out in the country too so it's not an issue yet about going out.
As far as internet is concerned - the computer is in a family room and i do check the history every now and then - which she knows about!! She has everything on the mobile password protected so i leave her to it with that one
Disco's - I recently let her go to one for teenager's and the pressure from other parents saying 'oh no way would i let my daughter go to a teenage disco yet' was unbeliveable!!
The way I see it everyone is different and I'll judge stuff as it happens i.e. reward good behaviour and punish/take away things for bad behaviour...

KittyeeTrix

That seems to be the same strategy we have Ezryder!!!

I've said before that the decisions I thought I would've made when they were young concerning their teenage years has changed drastically:)

Abi

Cat Melodeon, I'm sorry to hear that both of your parents had passed away - but can I just say I'm sure they'd be damn proud of the job you did with your brother. Parents of teens find it hard enough, but as a sister you had your work cut out for you. I'm sure the way you guided him along will stand to him in his future. He should be very grateful he has you for a sister

Daisy M

We live in the country too so going out in the evening is not a problem thankfully. The oldest is 14. If he goes to cinema with frinds they usually go for a burger after but would only give a n hour max from the time cinema finished. We collect him after a disco but again he can go with friends to the takeaway if he likes but only to grab some food and straight home. He often has friends over or meets them in town at the weekend.
Regarding the internet I am relaxed to an extent but I pull him back when I see he is going overboard and not interacting with the rest of the family or any callers to the house or if I notice he doesnt want to come places with us because he is planning what I call a "wifi day".
I make decisions as I go along and as we reach each stage. I have a sister who wont allow any of her kids mobiles or facebook accounts, her oldest is 13 and there is no sign of her ever allowing it. I know she thinks I am mad allowing my 14 and 11 year old to but I think to not allow them would make them different from their peers and they would resent me so much. Like you fluffyorganic I have just decided to make the decisions me and my husband are happy with and not worry if others think I am wrong.

cynder

12 year old not allowed out after 8 during the winter and 9.30 during the summer. goes into town with friends now and then (no adults) goes to the cinema with friends (i do accompany them if they go to a 15a)

Spends 7 hours at the local equestrian centre on Saturdays. Freedom of the Internet however if we feel she has been on too long we will say its time to get off, there is no solid restriction on the amount of time spent on it. she can spend upto 1.5 hours a day on it sometimes more sometimes less. tv is unrestricted as long as she turns of tv by 10.30 on weekends and between 10.00 and 10.30 on weekdays. Nothing ridgid in place, depends really.

In all fairness she is very active and out a lot, little time is spent on tv and Internet its not like she sits in front of the tv from 3pm till 10.30. So we are very relaxed.

Justask

ezryder wrote: »

Really interesting thread!

I've a 13year old daughter. No way is she allowed out anywhere on a school night...bed by 10.30 - 11 @ the v latest. We're sort of out in the country too so it's not an issue yet about going out.
As far as internet is concerned - the computer is in a family room and i do check the history every now and then - which she knows about!! She has everything on the mobile password protected so i leave her to it with that one
Disco's - I recently let her go to one for teenager's and the pressure from other parents saying 'oh no way would i let my daughter go to a teenage disco yet' was unbeliveable!!
The way I see it everyone is different and I'll judge stuff as it happens i.e. reward good behaviour and punish/take away things for bad behaviour...

I think parenting a boy is easier then a girl, my nan used to say a boy will wreck your house a girl will wreck your head. I know my parents worried aolt more about me then my brother and I used to say Thats soooo unfair (kevin and perry style :cool:)

Its interesting to see what other parent do, never know we could get some tips cos lets face it all tips with teens go along way. I know i've got some great tips here:)