House-mates habits

LegacyUser

Hello,
I have been renting a house for the last 3 years. In the 3 years several house-mates have came and went, but at the moment there are 3 of us in total. the problem is with one, a female around 29-30ish. she has what I would call odd habits that really bug myself and the other housemate (male). I'm 29 female. here I go...
1.using the washine machine excessively. eg. will use it on average 5 times between Mon eve and thurs eve (she goes home at the weekends). Each wash will contain approx 2 or 3 garments. and most of the time the washes contain clothes that are not all that different in colour. It drive me crazy to see this, and I have noticed that our ESB bills have increased since she moved in. eg. summer-time bill is nearly what we were paying last Winter before she moved in. I cannot understand the need to put on separate washes, one after the other, or even to have to put on such small loads.
2. she will unplug some appliances (clock radio (preset with time), microwave & toaster) in the kitchen whenever she sees them plugged in, I'm not just talking late at night before bed, it is the first thing she does on entering the kitchen. she will leave kettle & washine machine plugged in however.... Is it just for safety purposes? (then why not plug out all appliances ..?) or is it to reduce ESB (oh, the irony!). one day my male housemate was in the dining room listening to the radio (which is situated in the kitchen, door was open between the two rooms). Female housemate walks into kitchen (bear in mind she would have walked past male housemate to get to kitchen), then plugs out the radio!
3.has recently taken to taking stuff out of recycling bin and steeping it with hot water on the worktop, as if to make a point about the cleanliness of plastic tubs etc were thrown into recycling by myself and the male h-mate... neither of us would throw stuff in without giving it a quick rinse under the tap. a couple of weeks ago, labels were printed and laminated and stuck on the bin with instructions as to what goes to which bin, and the condition it should be in. she never mentioned this to us. My male house mate was disgusted, he felt this was like something you'd expect to see in a primary school.

GRanted, over the few years of house sharing I'm getting more and more impatient with house mates and their habits. but in 10 years of sharing I haven't encountered this. the girl is perfectly friendly when we meet in the house, yet I find the behaviour and at times passive aggression on her part odd to say the least, not to mention really grating. I'm not sure if asking her to cut down on washing machine usage is an option. She strike me as someone who wouldnt' back down. plus I don't want an atmosphere which I think is sure to manifest if I do say something.

Anyhow, I know I'm ranting like mad here. i just want to know what people think of these habits?? Anybody ever had similar?
Thanks for reading.

Katgurl

Ffs what a nightmare.

Firstly, I'd bring up the washing machine. My approach would be to take your most recent bill and explain it's increased significantly. Also, do you even get an opportunity to use the machine amidst all these washes? If not, you have every right to say it, these are valid complaints. Just be very nice about it. It's unlikely it's occurred to her.

The unplugging - in this case I'd treat on a case by case basis as it happens. "why are you unplugging that?" "I'm listening to that" etc. She's not doing it to annoy you, you need to retrain her to stop.

The bins is a tough one. Personally it would annoy the crap out of me so I'm not sure I'm best person to offer advice but as this is an advice forum I'll proceed with the aforementioned disclaimer. I would throw them in the bin and if she brings it up I'd laugh and say "thanks for the instructions, we have used bins before, next time you can just say it". Although you might be better off ignoring the bin signs irritation and making better effort to recycle effectively.

She reminds me of an ex-flatmate of mine and I'm actually getting wound up thinking about her , ugh. Similar to yourself in ten years I'd lived with all sorts and never had any problems elsewhere. Sorry, not helpful I know!

livinsane

People like that really should not be house sharing. She's obviously v controlling.

I would just ask her straight out about the bin. Ask her if she though ye ye doing something wrong before. You can say it jokingly or serious. That labelling and puting up notes really grates me. It is ignorant and shows a complete lack of social skills.

Tell her that the ESB bills have increased in the last few months (or whatever timeframe). If you dont want to be too direct, just mention it in passing if the topic comes up.

If she had the balls to put up those notes, she has little respect for ye as housemates, so you shouldnt feel bad about calling her on her actions.

Its a difficult situation because like you said, she's friendly, but just has weird habits. Unfortunately its part of sharing but it can ruin your living experience. When I think back to some of the living situations I put up with in the past, if I had my time back, I would have moved on and not wasted my time being uncomfortable in my living space. Easier said than done, I know.

confuseddotcom

Would having a day a week each for washing be any help?

Ya definitely need to speak to her about the multi-washing. I know of people that would be absolutely meticulous about washing separates n' stuff like that. But she needs to be reminded that it's not just her paying for herself, that ye're paying for her too which isn't acceptable. Everything is so expensive nowadays that it's essential to try n' cut cost wherever possible like. Renting is dear and bills are dear. Put on 1/2 big washes every few days like and stick to that. I'd imagine people end up tolerating a little bit of dye lol on something a different colour lol. But if she wants to use the washing machine excessively, she needs to effectively live on her own. Ye'll have to make that clear to her. She's doing exactly as she wants as she pleases but she needs to be reminded that she is living in shared accommodation and can't be inflicting her personal habits on other people.

chicken fingers

Burning coal or oil to inefficiently generate electricity, with which you inefficiently heat water to clean plastic for recycling by a private, profit making company which will clean the plastic themselves and still make a profit ... great woman herself.

Maple

chicken fingers wrote: »

Burning coal or oil to inefficiently generate electricity, with which you inefficiently heat water to clean plastic for recycling by a private, profit making company which will clean the plastic themselves and still make a profit ... great woman herself.

Have you any advice for the OP or are you just stating the obvious?

Going forward please have something constructive to say to the OP.

Maple

Firetrap

I think you and your other housemate need to have a chat with her. You've said you don't want an atmosphere to develop if you say something but I think that process has already begun because of her behaviour. It's bad enough that she is annoying you but she's also hitting you where it hurts. Your pocket. Asking her to wait a few days before putting on a wash is certainly not unreasonable.

amdublin

Tbh I believe you cannot change or control someone elses actions.

You can only control or change yourself.

I think you should put up with it. Or else find somewhere new to rent.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies guys.
Nice to get some opinions...
I think once the next ESB bill comes (and that should be in the next week or two) I'll see how it is, and then tackle the issue as sensitively as possible. Time to be assertive.

AmDublin: I agree with you to a point and in shared houses there has to be some give and take.
I can overlook most of her other habits, and even the bin signs. it's not the end of the world. but the washing machine thing is a bit cheeky on her part. and like 'livinsane' says, if she has the confidence to put up signs without mentioning anything, then she'll have to take our stance on electricity wastage. She may not realise this is a problem for others, but by saying nothing I'm putting her needs first. If each of us in the house washed 3/4 garments at a time we'd probably end up using that machine around 20 times a week ( 3 people, one wash each per day for 7 days). It would be a complete joke.

She's being totally unreasonable, but she certainly sounds like the type to go down fighting. Someone that controlling is unlikely to value other people's advice or opinions. I know you say you're going to tackle it sensitively but if I were you I wouldn't be giving her a chance to argue the matter. I'd tell her that you and your other housemate have both noticed that she's not even half-loading the machine and has it on far too often, and that washing machines heat water, with heating being one of the most energy consuming activities in any house.

I'd also tell her that you don't understand why she can't remember how to use a green bin (because surely the sign isn't meant for you if she never spoke to you about it - remove her security of doing it all without speaking to you). Make her flail. Make her have to address the things she's doing without being allowed to be passive aggressive about it. Pretending to assume the sign is meant as a reminder for her will make her feel silly and she'll have to tell you the real reason she put it up.

fits

People get quirkier as they get older. I think all you can do really is move on, even though you may not wish to. Or rent your own place if thats possible.

Firetrap

The OP might not want to move in by themselves. House sharing does significantly keep costs down. I don't see either why they or the other Guy should move. This girl is the newbie and is the one causing the problems.

Mighty_Mouse

This is pretty innocuous stuff really. It leans towards petty.

.using the washine machine excessively. eg. will use it on average 5 times between Mon eve and thurs eve

Easily solved...."hey everybody, I can't help but notice we’re washing clothers 24/7. This is really tough on the electricity. Can we all share the occasional wash or make an effort to use the machine less."

she will unplug some appliances (clock radio (preset with time), microwave & toaster) in the kitchen whenever she sees them plugged in, I'm not just talking late at night before bed, it is the first thing she does on entering the kitchen. she will leave kettle & washine machine plugged in however.... Is it just for safety purposes? (then why not plug out all appliances ..?) or is it to reduce ESB (oh, the irony!). one day my male housemate was in the dining room listening to the radio (which is situated in the kitchen, door was open between the two rooms). Female housemate walks into kitchen (bear in mind she would have walked past male housemate to get to kitchen), then plugs out the radio!

I find it hard to read this sentence without getting a headache. It’s so petty.
You're basically latching onto minute details of her behaviour because she bugs you.

y male house mate was disgusted, he felt this was like something you'd expect to see in a primary school.

I'm against post-it notes but labelling recycling bins.....probably not a bad idea.
Basically 3 housemates are dancing around each other getting increasingly frustrated with each other’s behaviour without having the balls to say something to each other.
Grow up, communicate your issue politely & move on FFS.

seamus

Mighty_Mouse wrote: »

I find it hard to read this sentence without getting a headache. It’s so petty.
You're basically latching onto minute details of her behaviour because she bugs you.

While you might be partially true, it's a symptom of the overall issue - she operates on the basis that she's living alone, or that she's "in charge" and the others living with her are not equals in the house. She does things her way to suit her, rather than compromising. If she has an obsession about keeping things unplugged (probably got it from her parents), then the appropriate thing to do would be to ask - "Hey, are you using the microwave/radio/toaster". The fact that she just does it shows that she's not considering the fact that other people live there too.

I agree that these are small issues, but there seem to be lots of them. It's almost easier to live with someone who has one big issue, than someone who does a hundred irritating and thoughtless little things.

The three of them do need to sit down though and make it clear that it's a shared house. It's not her house with two tenants.

solovely

Washing machine sounds annoying.

I think once somebody starts to irritate you a little bit, everything they do gets on your nerves and you get annoyed by things that wouldn't normally have bothered you (like the recycling bins). I've been guilty of that, but with no bad intention, just new people moving in, put a notice on the fridge saying what goes where (printed off the internet).

When the ESB bill comes in, why grab the 3 of you together. Say, lads this is way higher than last year. I notice we've been making a bit of an effort - x, I see you've been plugging out all the plugs at night, great, but actually that takes up hardly any electricity. The washing machine, kettle, shower, etc. are the big contenders, so maybe we could each try to limit ourselves to 2 washes a week - that should be easy shouldn't it? And then ask do they have any other suggestions, and take them on board....make it democratic!!

It's not her house with two tenants.

Even if it was, it's still not a fair way to act, when the bills are split 3 ways!