Am I being unreasonable

LegacyUser

Posting anonymously, as my user name is a kind of obvious to anyone who knows me....

I split up with my ex in June after 7 years ( her decision, not mine). We are mostly on good terms though.

She started seeing someone else in August/September.

He asked her to go to Belgium for a weekend in two weeks time, and now she has asked me to mind our two kids while she goes on this weekend - Now i said yes, cos i love my kids, but i told herself that it wasnt fair for her to go away on a weekend with her new man, and to ask me to do that. I feel like she's rubbing my nose in it.


She asked me yesterday, and i said yes, but i cant stop thinking about her going away with another man, and i havent eaten or slept, and i'm crying a lot....

My question is am i being totally unreasonable by telling her how i felt, and not just sucking it up and getting on with it.

28064212

hard to take wrote: »

My question is am i being totally unreasonable by telling her how i felt, and not just sucking it up and getting on with it.

Simple answer: yes. She's moving on with her life, as she's entitled to do. Asking you to mind your kids so she can have a weekend for herself is perfectly reasonable. Would you prefer if she just tried to hide it? Pretended she's going to be alone for the rest of her life?

silly

I think you are bring a bit unreasonable.
They are your kids too and she doesn't need to give you a reason why she wants you to mind them.
She did tell you, and I'm sure she did that out of respect ( instead of lying) instead of rubbing it in your face.

Sleepy

While I'm sure it hurts OP, I'd agree with the others: she's being honest with you rather than stringing you along with hopes of a reconciliation. Enjoy the weekend with kids, spoil them a bit if it'll get you some extra cuddles and make you feel better but you've really answered your own question: suck it up and get on with it.

In general, get out there and try meeting new people. You need to put your ex behind you and move on with your own life.

Miss Fluff

I disagree. I think she is being a bit insensitive and I think it's all a bit soon. I get that you both need to get on with your lives but asking you to mind the kids while she goes off on a romantic weekend with the new man in her life is a bit cruel. You're still grieving for her and it's hard enough her meeting someone so soon let alone acting as an accessory!

All you can do is suck it up OP and I suppose the fact that she is being honest with you, while hurtful, at least demonstrates that she is being straight and upfront with you.

I'd also use the weekend to have a really great time with your kids. That will help you feel better about stuff.

Distorted

Yep, you're being unreasonable. They're your kids - you should look after them too. And what she does with her new man is none of your business, as long as it has no adverse effect on your kids.

Its also in your kid's interests that their mother is happy, and that includes the possibility of being in a new relationship.

Daisy M

I agree with miss fluff she could have been a little more considerate of your feelings. It sounds as if she has completely moved on and assumes that you have too. Having said that you have agreed to mind the children and I think you should keep that agreement. Have ye reached any agreement on access if not I would advise you to do so immediately. Let your ex arrange her trips away and nights out during your access time and vice versa that way it will minimise the amount of times you or she need to have to clear personal plans with each other.

LegacyUser

Miss Fluff wrote: »

I think she is being a bit insensitive

All you can do is suck it up OP and I suppose the fact that she is being honest with you, while hurtful, at least demonstrates that she is being straight and upfront with you.

This is my thinking on it lads too - I genuinely appreciate all the comments - thank you.
And I plan on having a ball with the chaps...... They keep me going..

As for getting out and meeting someone else, I'm not ready for that yet.

LegacyUser

hard to take wrote: »

My question is am i being totally unreasonable by telling her how i felt, and not just sucking it up and getting on with it.

You were unreasonable by telling her she couldn't go away with her new man. But you're not being unreasonable just for the hell of it-you're really hurt so I can understand why you felt the need to say it.

All it was was a 'self-pity' moment. You're entitled to it! But it's a sign that you're still not over your ex, so it just means it's going to take more time to get over her. Allow yourself that time, without telling your ex what she can or can't do. I'm afraid you're going to have to find another outlet for your hurt whether it's crying, running, boxing, writing, putting everything you have into caring for your children........whatever fits you best.

Don't be p*ssed off towards your ex because she's starting again, it's stopping you from getting on with your own life.

Good luck

Mighty_Mouse

7 years relationship with kids involved ending 4 months ago................she's moved on quick.
It's clear she was ready for your relationship to end when it did.
Maybe you weren't?
Technically she's done little wrong.
She's clearly thinking for herself & enjoying her freedom.
There's little you can do but accept its truely over.
Don't feel you have to keep pace with her.
Take your time. Focus on the positives.

LegacyUser

Hi Lads,

So herself is away with the new lad, and I've had the kids since Friday after school. Stayed in their house on Friday night to try easy things for them , and on my part, that was a huge mistake - I cried for hours after they went to bed.
She rang to chat to the lads, and I got very upset after talking to her - I didnt let the kids see me upset though, and I am enjoying my time with them.....

It's Sunday morning now, and when herself rang last night, naturally all our daughter wanted to talk about was how her Mammy was going out last night, and went online to get a map to show me where her mammy was - sure what could I do only entertain her....

I just feel like crying all the time, but I know I can't let the kids see me upset.... I just can't see a way out now, and I dont know if I can do this again.... The thoughts of my ex with someone else is destroying me..... Especially when I know for a fact that she's curled up in a hotel room with her new man, rather than me just wondering if she is out or not on a normal weekend that I have the kids.

One of my friends asked me last night if things were getting any easier, and I told him it probably was - but I don't know if this is entirely true or not.

Dont really know why I'm writing this, I guess it's the fact that my whole life has been taken away from me, and it really REALLY hurts to see herself with all I ever wanted - my whole life centered around my home, everything I ever done was to try make life easier on my ex and the kids. Maybe just writing it down makes it a bit easier, I dont know.

Has anyone ever been through something like this, cos I really do think that I need to see an end to it, or I am going to go crazy....

Sorry about my ramblings.....

nowyouresix

Op: really sorry you're going through such a hard time coping with this. It is really hard when the person you've spent so long with moves on so quickly. I know it's breaking your heart, but you have to start to let go. If she hadn't told you she was going away with him for the weekend, chances are you would have been able to cope easily. But technically, she's done nothing wrong.
Sounds like you're really depressed, and you should consider counselling. The hurt of a breakup does improve with time, believe me.
I, for one, think you're bloody brilliant to take the kids for her. And at least you're letting yourself feel the emotions you are, instead of numbing out, and causing even more pain later.
It just takes time. You have to accept and let go.
Have you started to do other things for yourself the days you don't take the kids? Like catching up on old hobbies? I always found doing something physical-gym-something like that helped alot, felt like I could physically get the pain out of my system- just a suggestion.
Hope things improve for you.