The ex files

LegacyUser

Going out with this bloke for a couple of weeks. He is nice. Not too sure where its going and tbh not really looking for anything serious, just enjoying each others company and all the perks that come with it.

Anyways yesterday on a journey home, he decides to compliment me on my high sex drive, comparing me favourably to previous partners. At first I was flattered and didn't mind talking about exes in that way. So we opened the ex file (never ever a good idea especially when its about sex). He talked to me about relationships that went bad due to lack of sex. Then he talked about his most recent ex and how she never seemed to want it. He then said "she had such a lovely body and it really turned me on". I don't know why but I immediately felt the need to retaliate. I retaliated in the worst possible way by talking about my recent ex and how we really turned each other on and we were "at it like rabbits all the time" and it was " the best part of relationship when everything else went wrong". The words left my mouth before I had time to think. Then we arrived home. Because I was in a bit of a huff I hurridly got my things together and said "see you soon" gave him a peck on the cheek and rushed in.

Now on reflection I think what I said was really below the belt. Me and this guy have great sex too and I don't know why I felt the need to make that little catty comment. Its not even like I really like him but the comments about that girl made me feel so defensive. He tells me all the time I am beautiful and have an amazing body but at the time I forgot all those compliments and at that moment could only think about what he'd said about his ex. I don't think he had even realised what he d said and how I had taken it. Its just I am used to getting all the attention from him and found it weird he would compliment someone in front of me.

In a nutshell I learnt the ex files are best left closed.

Even though I am not looking for anything long term I would miss the company. I texted him after and I sensed a little bit of coldness creeping in. I could be imagining it. Maybe he doesn't care bout it? I told my friend and she thought I was the one who was really out of line and perhaps should apologise or explain why I made that little comment out of defense.

Would most blokes be angry about a girl saying what I said? Should I apologise? In fairness to me he did start the conversation but I accept I was silly for saying what I said.

Katgurl

Op I can really empathise with your post, without sounding patronizing I often found myself in similar situations when I was younger.

I suspect what happened here was your new man is so happy with your refreshing attitude to sex and he probably sees you as a really cool girl he can talk to so openly. Your comment back wasn't too good but it's not the end of the world. I suggest you don't make deal about it but do mention it ONCE and apologize saying you regretted it afterwards and you had a rare attack of jealousy. Then forget all about it.

In future when you see a conversation turning that way just lightheartedly redirect it, I always laugh and go "ok thanks but I don't need the visual" to subtly let it be known I don't wanna hear it.

Lastly, on a longterm basis really work hard at not taking an appreciation of another female as a rejection of you. I don't actually think you did particularly in this case, you are only human and nobody wants to see their new boyfriend actively reminiscing about some exes body but in general it's a good thing to remind yourself of.

LegacyUser

Katgurl wrote: »

Op I can really empathise with your post, without sounding patronizing I often found myself in similar situations when I was younger.

I suspect what happened here was your new man is so happy with your refreshing attitude to sex and he probably sees you as a really cool girl he can talk to so openly. Your comment back wasn't too good but it's not the end of the world. I suggest you don't make deal about it but do mention it ONCE and apologize saying you regretted it afterwards and you had a rare attack of jealousy. Then forget all about it.

In future when you see a conversation turning that way just lightheartedly redirect it, I always laugh and go "ok thanks but I don't need the visual" to subtly let it be known I don't wanna hear it.

Lastly, on a longterm basis really work hard at not taking an appreciation of another female as a rejection of you. I don't actually think you did particularly in this case, you are only human and nobody wants to see their new boyfriend actively reminiscing about some exes body but in general it's a good thing to remind yourself of.

Thanks that is good advice. Funny enough he text afterwards but said he d prefer to meet up Thursday rather than Tuesday. I don t know whether to take this as a sign he is annoyed. When we do meet up I suspect I may have to say something depending on how the atmosphere is. I am hoping I am just imagining some of it.
Yes I know I have to work harder at toning down my competitive edge or feeling rejection where there is none intended. Its annoying because I am rarely jealous in fact I was completely fine with my ex having living alone with a female housemate so I would just be annoyed at myself for getting so petty over something so silly!