Boyfriend prefers solo time with porn to sex

LegacyUser

Would appreciate some advice on this one.

I've been with my boyfriend for two years and we moved in together 6 months ago. I'm 26 and he's 24. Before we lived together, I would stay over with him once a week or so and we would always have great sex. Since we moved in together, it seems that life has got in the way and we've been having sex much, much less often. Going from a few times a week, to once a week, to once every two weeks... well you get the picture. I seem to be the one with the higher sex drive, and I often try to initiate it, but I'm usually met with "I'm tired" or "I'm smelly" etc. This is partly my fault, as I have been coming to bed late recently. However there's nothing stoping him from picking me up off the couch and sweeping me off for some action at any point, I'm more than receptive. I don't think I've ever brushed off his advances and am good to go pretty much any time. However I don't remember the last time he initiated sex.

I was on his computer recently checking something, and some interesting links popped up in his history when I started typing. I couldn't help but take a look and in the past week he has browsed porn sites on 3-4 separate days. We haven't had sex in about 3 weeks. This week I was very up for it, and expressed this to him a number of times. I got the usual "I'm tired" response.

Shortly after I made this discovery, I asked him about it, and he just apologised. He doesn't talk about things, if I confront him with any issues he just backs down immediately and apologises. It's hard to get any information out of him as about why he's doing this and any underlying issues. I expressed that it made me feel that he wasn't attracted to me anymore and he reassured me that he is attracted to me. I asked him straight out why he's masturbating to porn at the expense of our sex life and he couldn't answer me, he just said sorry.

I have absolutely no problem with him having some solo time with porn, but it is a huge problem when it's instead of having sex with me. I suppose I need some advice on how to deal with this. I'm feeling very hurt and rejected right now. Should I make the effort to get our sex life back on track or should I leave it up to him? I hate to say it, but this could be a dealbreaker for me. If it's this bad when we're young with no ties, how would it be when we're married with children?

Thanks for any advice.

A0

No much advice to be given. He's showing a very childish behaviour. And you don't have problem with him having solo time with porn?

You say it: "If it's this bad when we're young with no ties, how would it be when we're married with children?"

Talk to him again and dump him if he doesn't want to man-up.

I am a friend

Sounds like he wants to distance himself from the relationship / you as a couple.

Or maybe he has sexual preferences he is not happy to talk to you about. My concern, because he won't talk to you about it, is that he is feeling domething he doesn't want to tell you about. Was there any pressure to move in together or was he happy enough to do so?

You need to try to get an answer out of him. If he won't tell you what's actually wrong then he is too immature to be in a relationship.

fungun

Are they connected? I mean, maybe looking at porn 3-4 times a week is normal for him. Are you sure he is replacing you with porn?

I guess if you are having a chat about this, you dont want to be blind sided by the real issue. The real issue is not the porn. The real issue is his lack of interest in you, and that you have gone from having sex a few times a week to less than once a week. Bringing up the porn might just make him defensive and might deflect from the actual issue

Canluum

As others have said, the issue isn't the porn, it's your respective interest in sex. The two aren't necessarily related, a **** can serve quite a different purpose.

You have x interest in sex, he has y. Ideally you'd want them approximately equal, but in this case x >> y. While there's a possibility of something more too it suppressing his interest, it's far more likely that this is just him.

That being the case, and if you're unsatisfied now, let me tell you it will only get worse. There are more eligible people in the world, that would sweep you off your feet in the bedroom, than you could hope to meet in your lifetime. As another poster said, you've no ties right now, there should be nothing holding you back from doing the things you want. They're unsubstantiated excuses, and serious red flags in what the future holds.

So ask yourself with all of this in mind, is this something you can overlook? Are you happy to remain in a sexually unsatisfying relationship for the foreseeable future?

On a personal note I was in your situation about 2 years ago, and it wasn't something I could overlook. Yes it was hard to break up, but I'm far far happier as a result. Now I'm struggling to keep up with my gf's unstoppable libido, and loving every minute of it.