Women and hobbies

Caraville

Hi all-

I was having a conversation with a friend about women and hobbies and how it seems that many women don't have pastimes, particularly after they have children. I know in the case of my own mother, for example, she had absolutely no hobbies when we were growing up. And now as she nears retirement, I worry that she will suddenly realise that she spent the last 30something years putting everything into her work and her children without ever stopping to think of herself.

On the other hand, I know of a young woman with 3 young children and she's involved in everything going, meaning that she's often gone around 3 nights a week for a few hours, and it's sometimes even more than 3 nights. I don't have children, but personally I couldn't do that as a mother. I do think that it's important for you to have "me time", but to that extent? Maybe I'm being judgemental- I mean, men involved in sports teams are often gone 3 nights/days a week and no one bats an eyelid. So is it different for women? I personally think it is. I just don't know why. What do other ladies think??

KittyeeTrix

Mum to 4 myself and I have to agree that when they were younger I didn't have time for hobbies and honestly the idea of hobbies didn't appeal to me. My favourite hobby when they went to sleep in the evening was to just lie down and watch TV uninterrupted:D

I'm now in my final year of a college degree so I guess that has taken up most of my time in the past few years but I'm keen now to continue with outside the home interests when I hopefully begin work next year. Am planning to take Spanish evening lessons firstly and maybe even get involved with a ladies badminton team somewhere.

As a mum I feel it is important to get out there and generate another life interest apart from yer kids because I'd imagine the Empty Nest Syndrome (if such a syndrome exists anymore due to the recession) can be particularly tough if you've nothing to occupy yourself when the kids grow up and leave home:)

Storminateacup

Mum to 1, and a lot less hobbies than I used to have.

Sports, particularly running and swimming is pretty much all I have right now.
I run every morning (5:30ish) before work, and swim/aqua aerobics generally once a week. I head to the gym on my days off, and I try walk As much as I can, instead of luas/bus on the way to and from work.

When the baby gets older and I hopefully get more free time, Id like to go back to the part-time modelling I done before she was born. It was something I really enjoyed.

Other than that, I occupy myself shopping (done religiously once a week) and LOVE getting my friends/sister/sister in laws ready for a night out. I'll happily do their spray tans, grooming (waxed/threaded/nails), makeup and hair. It's often the best part of going out. Unless Im going out myself and end up doing everyone elses makeup and hair and then not having enough time to do mine

I know it sounds pretty mundane, my hobbies. But it's what I love. And I have a loooong time to go before I can worry about an empty nest, thankfully.

Neyite

Caraville wrote: »

Hi all-

I was having a conversation with a friend about women and hobbies and how it seems that many women don't have pastimes, particularly after they have children. I know in the case of my own mother, for example, she had absolutely no hobbies when we were growing up. And now as she nears retirement, I worry that she will suddenly realise that she spent the last 30something years putting everything into her work and her children without ever stopping to think of herself.

I would imagine that your mother simply did not have time between holding down a job and looking after children. Chances are a decent nights sleep was a luxury. Add into that, a lot of men of that generation did not help around the house the way they do now. You dont have to answer if you dont wish, but was there equal input from your father in the housekeeping? There are some men from that generation that have never in their life made a dinner or changed a nappy.

wrote:

On the other hand, I know of a young woman with 3 young children and she's involved in everything going, meaning that she's often gone around 3 nights a week for a few hours, and it's sometimes even more than 3 nights. I don't have children, but personally I couldn't do that as a mother. I do think that it's important for you to have "me time", but to that extent? Maybe I'm being judgemental- I mean, men involved in sports teams are often gone 3 nights/days a week and no one bats an eyelid. So is it different for women? I personally think it is. I just don't know why. What do other ladies think??

It should not be different - a few hours 3 times a week? Thats 9 hours out of 168 hours a week where she is working or "on call" for her family. I dont get it. On one hand you are critical that your mother never had hobbies, yet critical of the woman who does? Why shouldnt she have a few hours off? I think you are being extremely judgemental about her. I think especially if she is the primary homemaker/carer, its essential she gets some "me" time.

shinikins

Personally I think everyone should have something that they love to do for themselves. My own mother was in the Civil Defense before we came along, she actually met my father through it. She was heavily involved in the ICA all her life, even as a young woman, and loved to do shows with them, which obviously meant rehearsals. She knit, sewed, crocheted, cross stitched, baked and crafted, swam, ran the house, and raised us without us ever having to miss out. She got us as involved as possible in what she was doing, to help develop our own interests, and encouraged us in our own. When the time came that we could look after ourselves safely, she went back to work, and took up ballroom dancing. I'm sure all her interests took up more than a few hours 3 nights a week, but I never lacked because of it. I would be more worried about someone spending all their time and energy on their children to their own detriment, because it would inevitably mean their children miss out.

baby and crumble

This is so weird, myself and my partner were just talking about this, in relation to raising kids and stuff. I'd like, if we have kids, to stay at home before the head off to school, and my partner wouldn't really. We both agreed though that it's important for parents to still have an active life outside the home while raising kids. My mum was, like a fair few mums, really involved in the ICA, and she was forever taking night courses. My Dad was great in that when we were growing up he would happily stay in with us on the nights Mum had a course, or ICA. Just like Mum would stay in when Dad went off to his photography society evenings and went on shoots and stuff at weekends. They were both pretty involved in the community and I think it rubbed off on us because I've always enjoyed volunteering as a hobby, I love it. Both of them worked when we were growing up. (I'm the youngest of my family at 29)

Personally, I've always had hobbies- I think it's weird when people don't. I don't mean you have to spend 4 nights a week for a few hours indulging them. But all through college I volunteered with the SVP every week. A few years ago I took up photography again. I play video games, and collect old video games systems. None of them are regular 'things' these days (final year of a PhD, woo!) but I find I have to have something I can help take my mind off work and college. I also love baking and cooking.

Das Kitty

I have one child and would not give up my hobbies, they're part of me.

I knit and sew and do other crafty things from time to time. I also go to a photography class and go to quizzes about twice a month.

I would far rather be absent one night a week than my child to see me do nothing that was just for me, that I am passionate about. Motherhood is not about sacrificing your "youness", it's about setting an example for a child and guiding them to become the best adult they can be.

Malari

I don't have kids but my momma always used to knit when we were little. She taught me too. I remember knitting myself a rather lurid bright (bordering on fluorescent ) yellow and orange jumper when I was about 12. Although I'm sure I'd find something approximating it if I scanned the shelves of TopShop these days...

She's pretty arty and does lovely yule logs and holly/mistletoe decorations at xmas. She's a keen gardener too, and likes spotting the birds that feed in the garden.

I guess most of her hobbies were home-based anyway, but it was lovely to see her as a person not just "mom" when we were kids.

Princess Peach

My mother has 4 children. Oldest is 18. She loves walking and cycling just did the marathon Monday, and reads about 3 books a week. Loves to play them stupid facebook games online too! She also does a lot of volunteer work. She does the Rainbows program in her school and has "befriended" people with special needs. She loves to do evening courses too. She has done lots of childcare ones and some related to them, and a few personal development one too. She always gets involved in the campaigning when there is an election too.

Hope I can keep up with her if I ever have a family! I know she has had more time to do them as we all got older, but I can always remember her having something going on in her life apart from us too. I'd be proud to be like her

Except I'll swap the Facebook games for real gaming systems :pac:

dammitjanet

My mom loves dressmaking/embroidery/drawing etc, pretty much anything arty and when me and my sisters were growing up we'd all do them together with her. Mom got to keep doing what she loves and we got to learn from her.

Odviously in our earlier years I imagine she had less time for them, but definetly as we got older she made more time for herself and included us all the way

Caraville

Neyite wrote: »

I would imagine that your mother simply did not have time between holding down a job and looking after children. Chances are a decent nights sleep was a luxury. Add into that, a lot of men of that generation did not help around the house the way they do now. You dont have to answer if you dont wish, but was there equal input from your father in the housekeeping? There are some men from that generation that have never in their life made a dinner or changed a nappy.

Oh yeah I totally agree on the generational thing- I still say to my mother that she does too much for my father. She definitely was the one having to do 90% of the pulling and dragging of rearing children. My father is a wonderful man, and would be there for me in a second if I needed him, but certainly I do feel that my mother missed out on her own personal time because my father was involved in a lot of stuff with his own hobby so was often away from home. Now having said that, I think my mother likes the idea of feeling that she HAS to be the one doing everything. It gives her a purpose- which is lovely, but I just wish she had her own outlet rather than always living her life through my father and her now grown-up children.

It should not be different - a few hours 3 times a week? Thats 9 hours out of 168 hours a week where she is working or "on call" for her family. I dont get it. On one hand you are critical that your mother never had hobbies, yet critical of the woman who does? Why shouldnt she have a few hours off? I think you are being extremely judgemental about her. I think especially if she is the primary homemaker/carer, its essential she gets some "me" time.

I'm sorry if I came across as judgemental, it's just a few people have also said it about her, probably as we are aware of a few other things about her family situation that make us feel that we think she should pull back on her hobbies a slight bit. I dunno, sure maybe it works fine for her family. I totally agree that "me time" is essential though, as I think there's the risk that you could start to resent your children or at the very least just feel a bit smothered if you never had any personal time. Anyway, the thread wasn't really meant to be about that one person, it was more to be a general discussion about whether women in general find it hard to keep their hobbies up as they get older and have other responsibilities. I suppose as a teacher of girls as well I get very concerned that girls often aren't as good as boys for having hobbies, particularly sports. I'm delighted to see that the ladies here so far have their pastimes

iguana

I'm not sure that my mother was ever that bothered about hobbies but as my dad played rugby at least once a weekend and trained twice during the week, she made an effort to go to aerobics, dance classes or bingo once/twice a week in order to balance things out. She still goes to bingo now, I'm not sure if she actually likes it, I've gone with her on occasion and it's very boring. But she goes with my nana so I guess it's more of a mother/daughter activity for them than an interest in listening to a man sloooowly read out hundreds of numbers and make crap jokes.

Catari Jaguar

My mam did all the decorating in our house, wall papering and painting...

She was really good at woodwork too, made our dog a kennel out of palette planks.

She is brill at sewing and used to design her own clothes. She knits too and used to make really cute snowmen for our school sale of works. As kids she made us some of those wicker checkered stools.

She would do FAS courses in cool stuff like glasswork and made me a lovely mirror. She also made a great tiled coffee table out of an old wheelie TV table.

She's so knackey and turns her hand to anything. My Dad is afraid to try anything in case he fails, my Mam always wants to learn something new. As I got older I became more like that and I'm grateful. It's sad though that over time and circumstances she stopped doing that stuff, and just started doing escapist things like crosswords, playing solitaire, reading and watching TV.

These days she takes care of her garden and grows her own veg and stuff, and is mad for the Wii Fit board and Wii Sports!

Personally, when I have my own kids I'd love to spend quality time with them by sharing my hobbies like music, art, boxing and also hope that they'd show me things they're interested in.

CarMe

I was just talking to my partner about this!
I'm a mam to a 5 month old and I'm back to work in a week. I imagined that over the past few months I would have dabbled in a few different bits and bobs, in particular exercise, dance or yoga to shift the excess weight but I'm ashamed to say I've not done anything in the way of a hobby.
My boyfriend has his football and I envy that he has something beneficial to him(health wise and socially) when all I seem to do is meet friends for dinner (not healthy and financially draining)
I'd really love to start Zumba but I just know I'm too unfit at the moment

Ickle Magoo

Caraville wrote: »

I'm sorry if I came across as judgemental, it's just a few people have also said it about her, probably as we are aware of a few other things about her family situation that make us feel that we think she should pull back on her hobbies a slight bit.

:eek: What a complete contradiction - if her family don't have an issue what right to do you have to suggest she should be cutting back? Seriously, if I ever found out my "friends" were bitching behind my back suggesting I'm somehow lacking as a mother or wife for daring to spend a few hours a week doing something I enjoy given all the hours I do dedicate to family life, they'd be shown the door, pronto. I think you should be very careful about criticising your friend publicly on here and behind her back.

Anywhoo, we have two kids and we both have hobbies...in fact we try to have me-time, couple time, family time and one-on-one kid time which was the way my folks did it - and that keeps us all happy and sane...and of course time is much more limited than pre-kids to do the me & couple time - which makes it even more important that time is made. I don't understand the desire by some to try to paint parents who don't spend 24/7 with their kids as neglectful monsters; no wonder it's hard for mothers to feel they can designate time to hobbies.

KittyeeTrix

CarMe wrote: »

I was just talking to my partner about this!
I'm a mam to a 5 month old and I'm back to work in a week. I imagined that over the past few months I would have dabbled in a few different bits and bobs, in particular exercise, dance or yoga to shift the excess weight but I'm ashamed to say I've not done anything in the way of a hobby.
My boyfriend has his football and I envy that he has something beneficial to him(health wise and socially) when all I seem to do is meet friends for dinner (not healthy and financially draining)
I'd really love to start Zumba but I just know I'm too unfit at the moment

Don't worry too much about it yet, you have loads of time yet to get back to doing something for yourself.
As I said when mine were young I didn't actually do anything outside the house hobbywise but I would go into town even just to have a coffee and window shop with friends when partner was off work...

Doesn't have to be an actual hobby but just time when your not "mum"......:)

Caraville

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

:eek: What a complete contradiction - if her family don't have an issue what right to do you have to suggest she should be cutting back? Seriously, if I ever found out my "friends" were bitching behind my back suggesting I'm somehow lacking as a mother or wife for daring to spend a few hours a week doing something I enjoy given all the hours I do dedicate to family life, they'd be shown the door, pronto. I think you should be very careful about criticising your friend publicly on here and behind her back.

I'm so sorry I honestly didn't mean this to turn into something about that one person, it was just meant to be a discussion on how women find the time to juggle their free time, work and family commitments. I guess I just personally find it hard to understand how this person has the time to be involved in so much- but as I said earlier, perhaps it works for them and that's fine. She's actually not a friend of mine at all, I just know her. Perhaps some might say then what do I know, and maybe they're right. I never said she was wrong to be doing these things, and I certainly never called her "a neglectful monster" or anything like it. I know she loves her children. I just was wondering if it's not sometimes difficult to juggle all these things as a mother. And I did acknowledge that I think having a hobby is very important.

I sincerely apologise if I caused any offence, I really didn't mean to. Hobbies and women/girls is just something I've always found interesting. Perhaps I approached this at the wrong angle, for which I'm very sorry.

I have a 7year old daughter and work full time. I wouldn't like to do something three nights a week but that's just me, now if they were all starting after 8o'clock then actually it wouldn't make the slightest bit of difference as my daughter wouldn't know I was gone. Instead though it suits me to go to the gym at 6.30 three mornings a week because I'm home just as she's eating her breakfast!

I'm starting zumba next week and that's at 8 once a week.

I do think it's important for everyone to have something they enjoy doing but how they fit it in and what they choose is totally up to each individual

Neyite

Caraville wrote: »

I'm so sorry I honestly didn't mean this to turn into something about that one person, it was just meant to be a discussion on how women find the time to juggle their free time, work and family commitments. I guess I just personally find it hard to understand how this person has the time to be involved in so much- but as I said earlier, perhaps it works for them and that's fine. She's actually not a friend of mine at all, I just know her. Perhaps some might say then what do I know, and maybe they're right. I never said she was wrong to be doing these things, and I certainly never called her "a neglectful monster" or anything like it. I know she loves her children. I just was wondering if it's not sometimes difficult to juggle all these things as a mother. And I did acknowledge that I think having a hobby is very important.

I sincerely apologise if I caused any offence, I really didn't mean to. Hobbies and women/girls is just something I've always found interesting. Perhaps I approached this at the wrong angle, for which I'm very sorry.

I think the amount a woman spends on a hobby is really dependant on whether or not she works (full or part time), on how young her children are, or how much care they need, on partner input into the household, and lastly how organised she is. If the children are older, they probably barely notice their mum gone if they are stuck into their tv programmes or xbox, but if they were younger they might.

My sister had a great routine, despite having small children at the time, her house was always clean, and her and her husband had a "day off" agreement where on their respective days off, the could plan their time off. It was a great idea, my sister used hers for getting a bit of a lie in, then meeting her friends for a coffee, or catching up on her hobbies. Her husband used to sky+ all the footie at grannies and spend the day roaring at the telly.

Some women are content to ignore the piled up housework in favour of their hobbies - I dont think I could do that though.

Ickle Magoo

Caraville wrote: »

I sincerely apologise if I caused any offence, I really didn't mean to. Hobbies and women/girls is just something I've always found interesting. Perhaps I approached this at the wrong angle, for which I'm very sorry.

Ach no, don't fret - the damned if you do, damned if you don't moral cul-de-sac that [usually] non-parents try to push parents down just gets a bit old and frustrating.

I appreciate it must seem difficult to see where some parents get the time but it really depends on their own schedule and their kids. My kids are asleep by 7:30/8pm each night - if I had an evening class every day of the week it wouldn't impinge on quality time with them so to hear someone comment negatively on another woman doing just that strikes me as rather odd - when I know from personal experience it is completely workable.

Scarinae

My Mum stayed at home with us until I started primary school, and then she went back to work part-time. She still had her own interests though - she used to run every Sunday with friends in Marlay Park, and did the mini marathon each year (and sometimes the full marathon); she was also very involved with the local flower club (flower arranging) and did a lot of stuff in the garden. We used to help out in the garden, growing stuff like peas and lettuces, and we loved it. It's nice having something like that you can do together.

Stheno

My mum worked full time running a shop in the house we lived in, volunteered several hours a week, and had loads of hobbies like knitting, and going out to religious events and country music festivals.

My dad however was a very participative partner, he cooked, was involved in all our hobbies and genereally took over of an evening when he got back from his job

Very harmonious relationship, led to 10 kids overall who had piles of outside interests and a very happy family life.

I on the other hand, work like a demon, have hobbies like boards, reading and nothing much more. I can't commit to fixed engagements due to my work as I travel, and I miss that.

Ayla

I wouldn't say I have any long-term hobbies, as such, but I do love getting involved in whatever's going. As the mom of 2 young girls, and with a hubby who works evenings, it's not possible for me to do any sort of evening activity out of the house, but it's not really something I dwell on.

We're working on building our house (around us!) and turning our 2-acre nettle haven into a working self-sustaining farm. Today I butchered our rooster (while my 4-yr old looked on & asked questions) and tomorrow I'll be back in my business suit & heels. I dabble a bit in sewing & crochet but finds it doesn't hold my interest for long, so for now I'm happy picking up a book or fiddling around online.

Of course I have hopes that I can become more involved in outside activities as my girls grow, but it's not a priority (or even a consideration) right now. I still feel like I make plenty of "me" time inside the home, and my hubby also gets "him" time too. It's all about balance.

cch

Unless something is arranged ("I'm meeting such-a-person at this time" or "My class starts at 7pm") then, because there's always something to be doing in the house with a 1 year old, I find it nearly impossible to do anything informally, like reading or going out for a walk myself. But were both quite organised anyway so once something is on the calendar, for either of us, then it generally happens. Admittedly it does take me a bit of effort to overcome the initial instinctive mental block ("actually yes it would be ok if I go out on Tuesday night for two hours, he'll be here to look after her"), I just have to keep reminding myself of that!
And I can read on the way into work and push the buggy around at the weekend