Can a mothers body still be attractive to men?

LegacyUser

Hi there, I seem to be having a major confidence crisis lately, and am afraid that if I don't get over it soon, it may affect my relationship with my husband.
We have 2 very young children, and although we are happy to have them, I feel my body has been so damaged by the births, that it must be impossible for him to still fancy me.
I have always been a very small framed woman of average height. (essentially I'm saying small boobs here!) I kind of accepted this before the kids, as although they were small, they were perky, and I never gained weight no matter what I ate.
Now though after 2 c sections, I have some loose skin on my tummy ( despite doing plenty of stomach exercises), and 2 very small very saggy boobs. (breastfed both kids) I'm not yet 30, but I feel all youth has left my body.
My husband assures me I'm still attractive to him, but I just can't see it, he must surely be lying. I love having sex with him, but these days the thoughts of him seeing me naked is enough to put me off altogether. (weight itself is not an issue, I'm only a size 6/8) In fact I'm suddenly more up for it first thing in the morning ( before I was more an evening person) with no light, as I know he wont see me. (when he turns on the light anyway, I silently freak out thinking he'll go off me!)
At this stage it's almost affecting our sex life, as even when I do get naked, I feel like an idiot afterward, as I feel he will be put off future encounters. I don't know how much longer he'll stay patient with me constantly putting myself down.
Really what I'm looking for are genuine opinions preferably from fathers, as to how they feel/felt about their partners bodies after childbirth. Can you really still fancy such a changed body, or do you secretly long for a sexier body (in my case with larger breasts)?
Thanks for reading.

I am a friend

Op surely if he had stopped fancying you, he wouldn't be telling you he does and he also wouldn't want to have sex with you?

I know it's hard but you have to take him at his word

fungun

my wife of 10 years has the same build and after 2 kids had smaller boobs too lol
Find her as sexy as ever and our sex life is better than ever.

Keep working out if it makes you feel better but its as much about how you are with your body as your body itself thats sexy

maxwell smart

Hi There

My wife has had 3 c=sections. I will talk about our relationship after the first 2 as at present we are in a "difficult" place due to other factors.

So my wife had the same hanging skin on her belly (I don't think any amount of exercise will shift it to be honest). Her boobs were a B/C and she breast fed and they went up to a D I reckon. After the breast feeding was over they went a bit saggy and were not as "pert" as before.

It took 9-12 months for her to get her body back.

But you know what? I still loved her, I still fancied her like crazy. She went through a phase where she would only have sex in the dark and would not let me see her naked.
How did we conquer it? Several ways.
I started exercising with her, I told her every day how sexy she was. When we were in bed I made sure that those areas she was particularly embarrassed about were the areas that got the most attention (making sure I didn't hurt her scar tissue).

There are ways to look very sexy until your body gets back its true shape.

Why not get some sexy underwear that pushes your boobs up and covers you scar area? (can't think what they are called at the moment).

Get yourself some push up bras too, your hubby will be very happy with them!

And maybe think about having sex during the day with your clothes on, that way you are still covered and your hubby might appreciate the novelty factor (unless you already do this).

Remember, he loves you and loves sex with you and if you love it too then make it work.

Good Luck

floorpie

I can't answer your main question, not being a father, but i just wanted to point out that stomach exercises are obviously good to do generally, but they wont solve a loose skin problem, and neither will fat loss diets etc. But skin is elastic, and it's more elastic when you're younger (i.e. your age).

If your diet is nutritionally adequate (getting plenty of fat, vitamins and minerals via proper food (e.g. vitamin c and zinc)) the skin will probably gradually tighten up on its own. You're way too young to be worrying about it in a 'the youth has left my body' way.

brim

hes bound to fancy you, if he is putting the light on he wants you to know that he enjoys seeing your body,

cheers

Payton

I'm a father of 2 children, my wife had 1 natural birth and a C section, she hates the way she looks (body wise) but what woman doesn't. I still find her sexy and her incredibly attractive yet she can't see why. Do I find other women attractive...yes. But she's the one I go home too every night.
He loves you for who you are, your body has given him children. Sure what is the perfect body???

Neyite

Op, I suggest you treat yourself to a nice sexy basque that boosts your boobs and sucks in your tum. Add suspenders if you are into that sort of thing. Then keep it on during sex.

Now thats a short term solution - you cant do this every time you want sex. You need to look at the longer term solutions. He tells you and shows you he finds you sexually attractive and you are convincing yourself he must be lying? Thats wrong of you - thats in your head, nowhere else.

Would you stop loving him if he went a bit grey? or put on a bit of weight? Or lost muscle tone? Of course not. Humans are more complex than that, and he deserves more credit than you are giving him. Your body is sexy to him, and wont put him off, but to be blunt, your insecurities about it might be the thing to drive him away, especially if you think he must be "lying".

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies, I realise I really must try to accept he likes me. I just find it so hard when I see women with perfect bodies everywhere. I always think, what would he want with me with these around?
Oh I'd be delighted with a b/c cup, - mine are only an A. (always were) I feel like my body lets him down that way. With clothes on it's fine. I look slim, and with a padded bra, not too tiny on top.
Yeah I actually found that I like wearing sexy lingere, as it means there's less flesh on show, but overall it's still spicy, but yeah with 2 kids, this is only worn on occasion!
I do see how my attitude is what could push him away, but I just cannot turn off all these insecurities like a tap.
I often do think, well of course I would still fancy him if he put on a little weight, went bald etc, but then I always think, ah but aren't men generally more visual than women? E.g. aren't looks more important to them? I know it's a bit of a generalisation, and kind of insulting to my husband, but I just really cannot comprehend how he finds my skinny/ flat chested/ wrinkled belly body sexy, esp. after spending so much time before looking at hot sexy women ( through porn say)
Thanks again. Will try harder to not let my insecurities show too much to him anymore...

Sleepy

Strictly speaking for myself, I'd find insecurity far more of a turn-off than the natural effects of childbirth on the female body.

I just find it so hard when I see women with perfect bodies everywhere.

Where are you seeing these women exactly? I'm sure a lot of the single lads on boards would love to know as frankly, the majority of Irish people (both men and women) are very far from having perfect bodies and every study done seems to show that more and more of us are overweight. I would presume you're also seeing the majority of people clothed so there's every probability they've got some cellulite, stretch marks, loose skin, sagging etc. under those clothes themselves.

Or are you comparing yourself with the photos of celebrities you see in magazines? Celebrities who's job it is to spend hours in the gym, salon, under the knife and *still* need airbrushing to look that good in a professionally taken photo which has been posed and carefully lit?

So what if you don't wear a DD bra? You have breasts and, short of a gruesome car crash (and possibly even then, tbh), us men love breasts. Your husband dated and married you with an A cup, he's hardly unhappy with their size. If you notice that his porn tends to be focused on larger breasted women, don't get upset about it. From chatting with some mates of mine on this we discovered that we all tended to look more at traits our women didn't have: those of us with partners with larger breasts focused more on tight bums / long legs etc. whereas those with partners who had the leaner bodies tended to focus on other women with larger breasts / different hair colours / whatever. To choose an appalling metaphor: you don't look at your favourite dress when you're window shopping!

Honestly, yes, most women have more visually appealing bodies pre-child birth, yes perky breasts are more visually appealing than ones with a bit of sagging from age/breastfeeding. That doesn't mean a man won't still be aroused by the sight of a post-baby body though. Like On The Verge says above, your body has given your husband his two children, that makes it far more special than some silicone implants or a flawless stomach. So, if your husband tells you your body is every bit as sexy to him now as it was when you first met, believe him. Even if it is stretching the truth a little, what's to be gained in questioning him? He loves you and desires you. Leave the hangups on the floor with your clothes and just enjoy your sex life

Liam Byrne

If the answer was no, wouldn't each of us be an "only child" ?

Alibaba

Don't forget that most of those 'sexy' bodies you see in magazines and films are air brushed to make them look perfect and are 'dolled' up to the last with make up, botox, plastic surgery , boob jobs etc.

username123

People age. The body does not retain the beauty of youth, both for men and women, and also for women who have not had children as well as women who have.

I am close to 40 and have not had children. But Im never gonna look like my 19 year old self again!!! I see gravity taking its toll, my face starting to wrinkle, the cellulite showing, the stubborn areas where I never had body fat as a teenager!!!

Unfortunately it happens to us all - but the most important thing is - love yourself, self confidence is much sexier than the body itself. A young girl with a perfect body could be full of the insecurities of youth and never even realise she is at her peak. An older woman who has a natural body, showing the signs of child bearing but who is happy in her skin is sexy!!

Embrace your body, flaws and all and remember that there are none of us perfect.