ex has new boyfriend

LegacyUser

Hey guys,just looking for a bit of help and hopefully writing things down may help a bit.

Finished with my ex 6 months ago,we were going out 2 years and living together,it was a mutual decision but more of a decision on her behalf,i tried very hard to get the realtionship back on track but said she was happy enough on her own.i accepted this and backed off,we were in contact a few times and were civil,we did go to the cinema together but i had said then i couldnt do it again as it wasnt helping me as i knew she didnt feel the same about me as i did about her.

anyway i had a gut feeling she was seeing someone else,its somebody she is doing this strictly come dancing thing with,now the reason we had broke up before because our realtionship had become strained due to her doing the exact same type of event,i had no problem with her doing this but i suppose between work and this event i never seen her and let her know that i wanted to spend a bit of time with her after the event however she informed me that she was gonna be working in her 2nd job all the week after it finished,i let her know i wasnt happy about it.

but i was talking to her during this week and asked her was there anything going on this person she was doing the dancing with now and she said yes that they have kissed a few times and that she is happy.i wished her the best and said hope that she is happy with this guy.i told her i was disappointed that she cudnt give me a 2nd chance and asked her why did she say she wanted to be on her.

but people i am truly devastated,cant get her out of my head and do truly have major feelings for her but know i have to move on,look i know i wasnt the best boyfriend in the world at times and she admits she had her faults too

fungun

I dont think it helps here to start looking at yourself saying you werent the best boyfriend etc. It just sounds to me like she has moved on, her feeling were not as strong as yours were.
Harsh though it sounds, her saying she was happy on her own means she was happier on her own than being with you, but she was also open to meeting someone new, which she has.

All you can do is move on as best you can; usual advice - get yourself out at night, go to gym, take up a hobby etc

verysad

verysad wrote: »

Hey guys,just looking for a bit of help and hopefully writing things down may help a bit.

Finished with my ex 6 months ago,we were going out 2 years and living together,it was a mutual decision but more of a decision on her behalf,i tried very hard to get the realtionship back on track but said she was happy enough on her own.i accepted this and backed off,we were in contact a few times and were civil,we did go to the cinema together but i had said then i couldnt do it again as it wasnt helping me as i knew she didnt feel the same about me as i did about her.

anyway i had a gut feeling she was seeing someone else,its somebody she is doing this strictly come dancing thing with,now the reason we had broke up before because our realtionship had become strained due to her doing the exact same type of event,i had no problem with her doing this but i suppose between work and this event i never seen her and let her know that i wanted to spend a bit of time with her after the event however she informed me that she was gonna be working in her 2nd job all the week after it finished,i let her know i wasnt happy about it.

but i was talking to her during this week and asked her was there anything going on this person she was doing the dancing with now and she said yes that they have kissed a few times and that she is happy.i wished her the best and said hope that she is happy with this guy.i told her i was disappointed that she cudnt give me a 2nd chance and asked her why did she say she wanted to be on her.

but people i am truly devastated,cant get her out of my head and do truly have major feelings for her but know i have to move on,look i know i wasnt the best boyfriend in the world at times and she admits she had her faults too

ive been through this heartache man and its not nice. but you owe it to yourself to be strong and move on. i suppose the old adage one door shuts and another opens comes to mind. no body is perfect so dont beat yourself up about it. she isnt perfect either although thats hard to see now. whats meant for you wont pass you by

BraziliaNZ

verysad wrote: »

it was a mutual decision but more of a decision on her behalf. i knew she didnt feel the same about me as i did about her.

So where does mutual come into this, lol? Anyway she just doesn't fancy you anymore and other guys are far more interesting. It's only a girl at the end of the day, you are more important as your existence is all you will ever really have. It's over, except it and move on, she's never coming back.

BraziliaNZ

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

So where does mutual come into this, lol? Anyway she just doesn't fancy you anymore and other guys are far more interesting. It's only a girl at the end of the day, you are more important as your existence is all you will ever really have. It's over, except it and move on, she's never coming back.

Essentially what your saying is right that OP should move on and that the likelyhood of his relationship ending forever is real but please respect that this is a tough time for the OP. A situation like this is hard on a persons sense of well being and esteem so please try and be a little sympathetic to him and be less blunt about his circumstances.

OP, its not easy i know but please remember that in this world of 7 billion people there is definitely a lucky lady out there for you. cut off contact from your ex as it will make it harder if you continue to keep track of her life trust me. learn to love yourself again. its a long road but the journey has to be made. life is a marathon and not a sprint. be open to all sorts of possibilities but dont put all your eggs in one basket.

BraziliaNZ

Deleted User wrote: »

Essentially what your saying is right that OP should move on and that the likelyhood of his relationship ending forever is real but please respect that this is a tough time for the OP. A situation like this is hard on a persons sense of well being and esteem so please try and be a little sympathetic to him and be less blunt about his circumstances.

OP, its not easy i know but please remember that in this world of 7 billion people there is definitely a lucky lady out there for you. cut off contact from your ex as it will make it harder if you continue to keep track of her life trust me. learn to love yourself again. its a long road but the journey has to be made. life is a marathon and not a sprint. be open to all sorts of possibilities but dont put all your eggs in one basket.

I think the harsh truth helps though. It's the best way to look at things. If she fancied him she'd want him, but she doesn't. It's over.

BraziliaNZ

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

I think the harsh truth helps though. It's the best way to look at things. If she fancied him she'd want him, but she doesn't. It's over.

Horses for courses i suppose. Granted the OP needs to accept its over but some people can be fragile and their sense of self worth relinquishes greatly after a relationship ends so therefore a softer landing may be required.

LegacyUser

hey guys thanks for the replies

i can see both sides of the getting harsh words and the shoulder to cry on,

she has had about 4 serious relationships in over 7 years and this is my first serious one and thats why i guess im finding it harder than her.

It has been a bad week not just because of this but other things going on through work and problems with my house and car,it was just one of them weeks.

I am normally a very positive person and believe me i have had some **** through my life but never used any excuses and got on with my life,i know i have a lot going for me and people have told me and continue to tell me that

but i know its time i copped on and forgot about this girl and learn from mistakes i have made,i still respect my ex massively and she has some issues i know she has to come over first

thanks tipp-gunner and brazilanzboth of you had valid points

emmlouj

it is the worst feeling in the world when your ex moves on..mine has done the same. We were together 5 years and while I had suggested a break he now has met someone else. Suppose you dont know what you have til its gone

LegacyUser

Yeah emmalouj

it is a bad feeling but as my mum told me,nothing good lastes forever nor does anything bad last forever,as i said it was the worst week through various reasons last week however i dusted myself down set out a few goals for myself and have started to try and reach these goals,i was just lying in my bed on saturday feeling sorry for myself and said **** it,i started to write stuff down i wanted to do and things i wanted to get done,im working my way through the list and gonna concentrate on myself,

now on this list i have said i will not contact my ex nor look at her facebook page.its over and i now feel confident that i have plenty to offer somebody else but at the same time not gonna rush into things either

I dont know if people believe in a higher power but i do and believe it was a test to see how would i react to so many bad situations in the one week,

emmlouj

well go you!! and as they say time is a great healer and im sure we will definitley be stronger people for it.
setting golas and getting new hobbies is great way to distract yourself too. yeah Stay away from Fb, i thought looking at new pictures was a killer so just had to block it in the end and am better off now for it!!

verysad

verysad wrote: »

Yeah emmalouj

it is a bad feeling but as my mum told me,nothing good lastes forever nor does anything bad last forever,as i said it was the worst week through various reasons last week however i dusted myself down set out a few goals for myself and have started to try and reach these goals,i was just lying in my bed on saturday feeling sorry for myself and said **** it,i started to write stuff down i wanted to do and things i wanted to get done,im working my way through the list and gonna concentrate on myself,

now on this list i have said i will not contact my ex nor look at her facebook page.its over and i now feel confident that i have plenty to offer somebody else but at the same time not gonna rush into things either

I dont know if people believe in a higher power but i do and believe it was a test to see how would i react to so many bad situations in the one week,

i think the big issue when the ex moves on is our feeling of low self worth more than the breakup. we seem to take it personally that our ex could be attracted to another man however you must always remember the reasons why she originally got together with you.

Did you make her laugh? Did you treat her well? Take strength from that and learn to love yourself again. the secret is to conquer that and it sounds as if you are on the right track. think about the relationship logically and try find out why the relationship went wrong.

i believe my relationship went wrong due to my work circumstances. i worked in a difficult job with difficult people and it reflected in my body language and i think it may have well helped in her making up her mind about us. added to that there was an age and distance factor. Ive changed alot in the last two years. Ive become a more confident person and i feel more empowered as a human being as opposed to the wall flower i was. yet my original feelings for the girl i suppose wont relinquish easily and i think if i met her tomorrow night as opposed to 3 years ago i could give her the relationship she wanted.

that said i have to accept that things have moved on and life is like a waterfall. it may look the same but the water is continually different.