Family wedding

LegacyUser

Hi all,

Was at a family wedding recently a cousin of mine married his first girlfriend they've been together forever, same with another cousin who got married recently, all my other cousins are younger whereas I am roughly their age. To cut a long story short, I have had several long term relationships on my third and my family have meet the first two, I didnt bring my boyfriend to this wedding as I kinda felt it'd be like oh would you look at this another boyfriend. Basically two uncles said something to upset me, the groom's father said "no boyfriends this time, you do have a boyfriend, don't you" and my other uncle offered me his holiday house as a loveshack and said we don't have to tell your parents, I just left me feeling really cheap. I know those comments would not have bothered a lot of people and many will think I'm being too hyper sensitive but I was wondering if anyone understood/felt similar would love to hear any thoughts.

Thanks guys.

Sesudra

I've been there OP, I was actually sent a wedding invite recently by my aunt with my name and the name of my previous boyfriend instead of my current one!

Bottom line is, its none of their business if you have a new fella every night of the week or marry your first love. You shouldn't feel as if you have to explain yourself to anyone, your love life is your own business and if (especially with Christmas coming up, with all the family gatherings that might entail) someone says anything similar, tell them politely but firmly to mind their own business!

Payton

Sesudra wrote: »

I've been there OP, I was actually sent a wedding invite recently by my aunt with my name and the name of my previous boyfriend instead of my current one!

Bottom line is, its none of their business if you have a new fella every night of the week or marry your first love. You shouldn't feel as if you have to explain yourself to anyone, your love life is your own business and if (especially with Christmas coming up, with all the family gatherings that might entail) someone says anything similar, tell them politely but firmly to mind their own business!

Couldn't agree more, its non of their business. Do you interfere in their lives? . It was your choice not to bring your current bf, so what's it git to do with them. Shame on them making you feel like that, it just shows how cheap they are. If and when you and your bf do meet up with your 2 uncles, show him off and ask the uncle who offered the holiday home to you in front of his wife/partner to borrow the home for the weekend, "do you not remember offering it to me as a live nest????"....I'm sure she'll be amused at that.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the posts guys. I should correct an error in my post I said I didn't bring him, my cousin didn't actually invite him but if he had I wouldnt have brought my boyfriend. It was my cousin's Dad that asked why I didnt bring him and I didnt want to be like well he wasnt invited but wouldnt have brought him anyways (true but a bit rude), I think the thing that got to me was that he said "No boyfriends this time", like seriously he's my uncle-in-law and we are not close how it is any of his bloody business, he could have asked me load of things.

The loveshack comment was from my own uncle who I really like but to say that to me follow it with and we won't tell your parents while we're at a wedding where everyone is raving about what a lovely couple they make, just made me feel like they are so wholesome and I am such a slut.

Another aunt-in-law asked me if my boyfriend was "the one", I think I said well you never know or something because what does one say to that when I'm not engaged to the guy or anything.

My poor Dad has terminal cancer and ANOTHER uncle said it must be hard thinking how long more my Dad is going to be around for, Im sure he meant well but to put it to me like that at a wedding, and he just said it to me in a chit chatty kinda way.

These people, if I get married Im going abroad immediate family only!!!

daisybelle2008

I'm finding it hard to read your post and also hard to understand the perceived insults. I think you are making an issue out of nothing. You can decide to be insulted and feel cheapened by what basically is two uncles having a bit of nudge wink banter at a wedding with you. Having the craic back or getting insulted is entirely up to you. You also got the offer of a holiday home. To be honest if this is the type of stuff you get offended by I would agree that you are hyper sensitive. Life's a lot easier if you shrug this sort of thing off and go with the flow.

Firetrap

I think you're reading too much into this. Aunts and uncles sometimes say insensitive things like this as banter. I doubt they mean any harm or there's malice in it.

solovely

I think most people would call your uncles' comments slagging, the banter, having a laugh, attempting to be funny....

You sound overly sensitive about this whole issue, and it sounds to me like you have insecurities about your whole situation, rather than just being annoyed with your relations...or maybe you are just hypersensitive. Whichever it is, you really need to try to lighten up. Comments like that shouldn't be a big deal. Your uncles thought they were being funny. I'm in a similar situation to you, have had 2 serious relationships, lots of not serious ones, have lots of family weddings - I get all the digs and the jokes, but I actually enjoy the banter and would be more worried if people thought I was so sensitive that I couldn't handle it.

We're Irish, that's the way we are, it's part of our culture!! If you want to live in a place where everybody is super sensitive to each other's needs and feelings, move to the states (or toughen up).

If you were married with kids, you'd probably be getting jibes about being boring, if you had never had a boyfriend you'd be getting sympathy comments about being on the shelf. It's the (insensitive) way we are as a nation and the way Irish families interact. Just think, of the three situations you could be in (married & settled, in and out of relationships, always on the shelf), which do you think you'd rather be in, and which do you think your relations are most envious of? I know for sure I don't envy my relations in either of the other two categories, and having had serious chats with my Mam and Gran about this very issue (after lots of digs and banter) I know they are quite envious of me and the freedom of choice I have that they never had. I'd say your uncles look at you and think "the lucky cow".

Neyite

I was once told by an in-law (in front of everyone) "Neyite, you have a different boyfriend in all my family photos" - All the wedding, christinings, birthdays that had group photos for her family did have a different boyfriend. I responded that they were the ones that invited said boyfriend de jour to these occasions, not me. And I certainly never dragged the poor blokes into family photos.

If I was insecure about those failed relationships, that comment would have hurt me, and I know that was the aim of the comment, but I realise that those relationships ended for very good reasons and I have no regrets from any. So it didnt bother me too much.

Slagging you off about your love life is par for the course with relations. I thought once I finally settled down with my partner I would see the end of those comments, but they just change from boyfriend comments to "when is he going to pop the question?" or "When are yis going to give us a day out yourselves" until you actually do get married. Then brace yourself for the "anything stirring?" and "jaysis, I had yer aunt up the duff by the end of the honeymoon" comments. If you manage to have one child you will get slagged or told to provide siblings for them.

I was trying for a baby for 2 years, and the last year I spent a fortune on fertility treatments so you can imagine how hurtful the comments were at the time that "I wasnt getting any younger" and "when are you ever going to give our kids cousins" were, when yet another month went by and we were unsuccessful. I can only imagine how much worse it is for couples who have had miscarriages that relations dont know about.

My point is, the boyfriend comment is one of the milder ones in a long line of comments that can hurt you, and possibly the easiest to deal with. Think up a few good quips for the next wedding, and give as good as you get. A rather large relative asked where my ex was once at a family gathering so I quipped back that I dumped my ex because he was only half the man he was, literally - he laughed along with the rest of the family at it, but left me alone after that.

I am a friend

When the 'smug marrieds' (usually a woman) used to say that to me, I used to look them in the eye and say 'why make one man miserable when I can make many happy' - dunno how it went down but sod them.