so i moved to aus......

Sirsok

so i moved to aus with my now ex girlfriend 7 weeks ago under the impression things will be awesome.however things changed dramatically since then and i am now in a **** situation. From the get go she was homesick, i genuinely tried to keep her happy but tensions were high. Then we moved in a house with her male and female cousins. We thought things will be better, help her home sickness. However her female homesick had alot of rules for the house which made tensions flare between both parties on a number of occasions i had this impending feeling of doom, she was changing from the girl who would say i love you twenty times a day to a girl that would never show any affection at all. I started to resnet the fact that when we went out she would dance with all the guys we were around without any consideration for me. Jealousy wasnever a issue for me with her but i could sense iwas lossing her. This lead to a few arguments also. She decided we needed space so i adhered and moved to northern melbourne to some friends under the apprehension she would follow soon after.like she said. However its only been 3 days and she is tellin me if im unhappy i should go to my mate in sydney as i am livin with two couples at themo. She says all this while tellin me she loves me and misses me and its just a head ****. When i ask her for a straight answer about us she says she doesn no. I ask if thats a no she says no, i ask if thats a yes she says no. Realistically if i go sydney things would prob get worse as both of us indicated if either of us were to get with someone else that would be the end. Im so confused now. I know it sounds clear cut but its not at al.....apologies if hard to read. Im on my phone

estar

She asked for Space give it to her. That means leave her alone for a while. She knows how you feel. Is the relationship making you happy? australia is a great place with so much to see and do. Perhaps no answer is an answer ? If you can't say yes doesn't that mean no really? It might seem like the end of the world right now but if you are fighting and cannot get along for now isn't some time apart a good idea? I'm not telling you to go to Sydney however would your girlfriend suggest this if she was thinking of your future together ? you could potentially miss out if you wait and wait for her. what would you advise your friend in your place ? Would someone that cared for you leave you hanging waiting for a yes or a no?

Firetrap

You mentioned that your girlfriend was homesick. How's she feeling now about the move? Not everyone finds upping sticks and moving to the other side of the world an enjoyable experience. I get the impression that she has been feeling pretty stressed since the move and that might be messing with her head a bit. How long were ye together before you moved?

Sirsok

Normally i would be under the impression that not sayin yes is a no, but then she says things like i love you and miss you, or somethin silly like i wanna keep the pictures of us and not change my relationship status, that just gives me hope ya know. She canbe homesick one day and loving it here the next, her mood changes so drastically all the time its so hard to determine what really goin on in her head, and i hope shell just be like sorry ive just had a **** few days. Ive been more then happy to give her space but she does things like hang out with me for the day or ask me to stay the night with her which is a head wreaker. We have been together a mere ten months but stuff was so intense and happy that we moved over here with the intention of being together no matter what, cause thats all we wanted, thats why its so hard to accept the hange of heart

Taltos

My gut is telling me that things do not look good for you.

As above (estar) give her the space she is looking for. Don't go running when she calls all the time - space means space - not "only come here when I call".

From what you describe it sounds like she is moving on but is still using your relationship as a crutch. And you are right - this type of come here - go away scenario really is a head wrecker.

Tell her how you are feeling and explain that you are going to give her the space she is asking for for a set period. Make it clear this is NOT a break (trust me don't go that route) - and agree to meet up in say a week or two or three to see how you both stand.

It could be just that her emotions have been messed up by the move - but it might be more than that. Make it clear you are not abandoning her.
Try to stay calm when you are talking to her - let her know how you feel but don't put any pressure on her to reciprocate - just let her know that you are giving her the space she has asked for.

Best of luck OP. Hope it works out for you both.

OP she's being selfish and she's messing you around.

In my opinion, you've done more than enough running around for her; I mean, you moved house for her and everything. She's telling you she loves you and misses you when she feels like some affection, and then she's telling you she needs space when things on her end are ok.

To my mind, "I need space" is code for I want you on standby while I have a look to see if there's anything better out there.

Don't let go of your relationship just yet, but don't be so good and attentive to her when she's treating you like this. I'm usually against stuff like this, but I'd actually advise you let a couple calls go to voicemail. She's never going to make up her mind while you're enabling her to have the on-the-fence situation she wants.

Sirsok

I quit my job and was all set for sydney and she got very annoyed about how all she wanted was just a bit of space from me (admittingly we were on top of each other) and now its gone all so bad.....a lifeline occured though as people im livin with are fed up in melbourne and want to travel, we have invited her along and she said she'd go , as the lifestyle we have isnt a typical backpacker holiday, we are livin with relatives and all she has here to hang out with are males.... However i believe it all depends on whether we get a 6 person car which may be hard.....im coped up in a room on my own as i cant be around the two couples that im livin with, not through them being affectionate, just cause i feel like cryin every half an hour which is so weird for me

flowerchild

Sirsok wrote: »

i feel like cryin every half an hour which is so weird for me

I'm sorry to hear that - I hope that you feel much better soon. At the same time, it's good to acknowledge how you are feeling - you are being real, and not disconnected.

Sirsok

i genuinely appreciate that flowerchild....its so surreal, i keep lookin at what i wrote and i cant believe that its me in that situation.....im hopin that she just texts and says i miss you so much, come back.....every hour that passes i realise it wont happen......i ahve honestly had about four hours sleep the past two nights, ive never felt so upset, its so ****ed up for me to be like this as generally im a happy person, its a weird feeling....isolated

flowerchild

Sirsok wrote: »

i genuinely appreciate that flowerchild....its so surreal, i keep lookin at what i wrote and i cant believe that its me in that situation.....

its so ****ed up for me to be like this as generally im a happy person, its a weird feeling....isolated

Maybe the first thing to do is simply to accept that this is how you are feeling, and that is OK. Not that it's good to feel bad lol but that this is how you are currently feeling. Because when we accept it is easier to let ithe wave of feeling pass.

Sirsok

actually kinda helped, ha ive been just lyin down for hours in this room and thats the first time i felt somewhat tranquil....

flowerchild

Sirsok wrote: »

i felt somewhat tranquil....

Tranquil is good. My bottom line advice to self is "keep breathing" lol.

shmivy

karma's a b*tch sirsok

Ickle Magoo

Shmivy infracted.

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