What would you do?

Dots11

Going out and living with my boyfriend of 8 years.. In the last while been bickering/fighting over little things. Went away for a few nights with my friends- asked him to drop me to friends house about half hr away... He gave out the whole way there about the hassle and inconvenience it was causing him. I hate fighting/bad feelings when either of us are going away so I started crying he didn't care. Few texts when away! He was due to collect me from same house on return.. Basically I was greeted with the same conversation that we'd left off- what a hassle it was etc etc. I feel sad, upset and hurt with his actions instead of been greeted with a hug, kiss and interest in my trip I was greeted with what hassle this was causing him and barely even asked how my trip was. I feel like such a hindrance and questioning whether he really wants to be in this relationship. Before he would have happily collected me/did anything for me and vice versa but now anything he is asked to do for me is a big deal or hassle for him. He works a good bit away from where he works so on numerous occasions I would drop him/collect him from nights out and wouldn't utter a word. What would you do?

floorpie

Well if yous have an established thing of happily dropping each other off to places, and then he said it was a hassle both times, he's probably not annoyed about driving you there. Would he be insecure about you going away for a few nights?

I wouldn't let him wanting or not wanting to give you a lift make you question whether he wants to be in a relationship though...

ash23

Seems to me he doesn't want to be in a relationship anymore.
My ex was the same at the end. Even asking him to pick up milk on his way home was met with a whinge and an argument. He wouldn't do a thing to make my life easier.
It was so disheartening and upsetting.

When he got with his new girlfriend he drove a 2hr round trip just to spend some time with her :rolleyes:
I learned a lot from that experience, mainly being that some people are too afraid to end relationships (myself included) out of fear of being alone and instead will fester miserably until something happens, if it ever does.

You deserve better than his attitude and I'd pull him up on it and ask him if he is unhappy in the relationship. Maybe something can be salvaged.

Squiggler

What would I do? What I did 6 years ago in a very similar situation.

Take time off and go away for a week on my own - having explained that I needed space to think and that there would be no contact during that week.

Spend the first few days winding down and chilling (we were living together so I enjoyed the novelty of eating what I liked when I liked etc).

When totally relaxed sit down and think (make a list if it helps) about all the good things in the relationship.

Then do the same about all the bad.

Take a look at the history - are things getting worse? Is this sudden and mitigated by something (bereavement, increased job stress, financial difficulty or whatever)? If it is, is there anything you can do?

When you're not in the middle of it is easier to take a more practical and balanced view of things.

In my case it gave me the strength to finish the relationship once and for all, calmly and cooly and knowing that it was the best decision. It may be the same for you, or you may find that there are things that could still be done to try to make things work (better).

Good luck whatever you decide to do.

Beruthiel

Sorry Dots, sounds like you're an inconvenient hindrance to him.
You deserve to be with someone who respects and cares for you.

Dots11

Thank you for the replies! I'm not basing moaning bout lifts on relationship but I do think I deserve to be with someone who would be delighted to collect me and smiles when they see me rather than being greeted with someone who complains about having to do something. I think relationships are all about give and take and in his case the last few months it's all about the take take take and moaning about giving even with plenty of notice and agreeing to do it! I feel upset and sad that things have gone this way as when things are good they are great. He claims he wants to be in relationship. I don't know if he will change back but I want to be with someone who would happily do something for me and want to.

floorpie

Well, again, him moaning about giving you a lift or doing stuff for you is probably not the actual bulk of the problem...

hbert

Maybe its just a little bit of lack of appreciation for you?

At the start they are full of appreciation and after time this tends to be forgotten. Makes things like giving lifts seem like the greatest hassle in the world.

Good luck...

I am a friend

Yeah op, who wants to go out with victor meldrew? He is taking you for granted and that's always a bad sign in a long term relationship.

Payton

Have you both sat down and asked what the problem was with why he was like that, and his attitude?
I agree with the other posters, that you deserve more and someone who treats you right. Your words "Its about give and take".
If there has "been bickering/fighting over little things" I'm sure he's not fighting with himself, it takes two!
Have a chat, he could be under stress with work, money, family.....you wont know until you ask.

LegacyUser

If he was suddenly acting that way after so long together, I would suspect that something was up. I'd tell him I wouldn't tolerate being taken for granted and if he wants to continue the relationship then we need to get to the root of what is making him behave like an ass.

If he refused to go to counseling or otherwise discuss whatever his problem is, I'd just dump him, assuming his claims to want to stay in the relationship was more a case of wanting to continue to have the conveniences of a relationship without facing up to the hard work of it.

Firetrap

I wonder has the relationship run its course? You said yourself you've not been getting on for a while. It's telling that he continued to be horrible about your trip days later. What's eating him, I wonder? Is there something on his mind or is it that the pair of you have gotten sick of each other?

You definitely need to have an honest chat and maybe take some time out to yourself. Not necessarily about the incident you told us about but things in general.