Another "too old" thread

LegacyUser

I'm a 38-year old man who has lived a fairly unusual life in that I haven't had a girlfriend in quite a long time (I'd rather not say how long).
I've suffered from low self-esteem for a long time(no let's get this right;self-loathing would be more accurate) so I genuinley couldn't see any girl being interested in me. I'm working hard to try and resolve that and think of myself in a positive way but I've brainwashed myself to believe I am completley unattractive so it's not easy.
I have a few problems in that I am fairly shy, not too confident as I've said and way out of practise (if there is such a thing). I have poor conversational skills too but it depends on the other person; if he/she make no attempt to help me converse (throw in questions or comments on what I am saying here and there, hell; even get into an argument with me) then I am screwed.
I am simply unable to sustain a conversation with the opposite sex for longer than 30 minutes or an hour (yes I have seen the clip from Pulp Fiction before anyone brings it up).
I am reasonably intelligent, educated to degree level, I am more likely to watch the History Channel than the X Factor, I read the newspapers and take an interest in people's thoughts and opinions.
However my conversational topics run out after work, socialising, musical tastes, current events have been covered.
I get really frustrated when I see some guy chatting to a girl for hours on end non-stop (I'm not jealous; just envious; how DO they do it?)
To get back to the point of my post though; my main problem now is my age. I fear I am just too old to meet anyone. During my twenties I was too immature (had other interests, not to mention bad acne). During my thirties I had a difficult career change followed by a bout of work-aholism which I have only "fixed" (fingers crossed) in the last year.
I have had interest from girls, some who are in their twenties but that's only 'cause they probably didn't know I was 38 (I look much younger; boyish, fair hair).
A lot of my reason for not having a girlfriend is I feel I don't "deserve" to have any of the good things in life so there is a mental block there.
I have been socialising a lot more (trying to get into situations to meet the opposite sex) so I am not sitting here typing away moaning and not doing anything to resolve my problem. I feel I have missed out, that it is too late?
Am I wrong?

fits

I think you are. You sound reasonably together and smart. And holding a conversation with just anyone isnt easy, much better if you have something in common. If you're attracting younger women, well you're obviously attractive.
Dont be so tough on yourself perhaps? Start talking to women, whats the worst that could happen?

Firetrap

I'm single, in my thirties and have some friends of my age who are too. I can't speak for them but I'd run off with someone like you in the morning Fair play to you for getting out there and socialising. Try not to be too hard on yourself. Not everyone's made for blathering all night. Maybe too you've just not met the girl who you'd happily chat to forever...yet. Keep going out and getting in practice at talking to people. Don't look at every woman you chat to as a potential girlfriend or you'll put pressure on yourself and clam up.

Forgot to add that you should bear in mind that people break up all the time. There are people who, like you, missed out in their twenties because of their careers, because they hooked up with wasters, because they never met Mr Right. What age group of woman are you hoping to meet? A women in her 20s or someone closer to your own age? Do you have fixed ideas about who you'd like to go out with?

LegacyUser

They do say as you get older you have less choice (horrible sexist way of putting it I know).

Firetrap

That is true but that's not to say that you've got no hope. You just need to meet one

LegacyUser

Thanks for your replies. Looking so young can be a disadvantage at times; some of these late 30-somethings probably think I am too young for them :-)
I am trying to enjoy myself more, it's not easy though.

fits

I dont get your reasoning there? Id be delighted with a young-looking 38 year old. Why limit yourself to one particular age group either.

Get out, get datign, and dont take things so seriously. Learn to enjoy female company for what it is without putting so much pressure on yourself.

LegacyUser

Yes, you're wrong. You're not old it's not too late. Please don't put so much pressure on yourself.

greg88 wrote: »

I get really frustrated when I see some guy chatting to a girl for hours on end non-stop (I'm not jealous; just envious; how DO they do it?)

Mostly by babbling about nothing, really! If you're not a babbly person there's no need to stress over it, you'll just need to find another non-babbly person to click with. Relax.