Issue with sister

LegacyUser

Hi everyone

I'm just looking for some advice,to make a long story short my sister is going out with someone who is wrong for her and she has admitted it many times,she has tried dumping him countless times but always ends up getting back with him.

Now the issue is while i have always been there for her i'm finding it really stressful listening to all the carry on that is going on, she could ring me telling me shes dumped him and i would be on the phone for hours helping her, giving her advice that shes asked for but then she'll totally turn around and get back with him again. I suppose i feel used by her, i feel like she only rings me to complain about him and waste my time.

I just don't know what to do, i can't sleep some nights worring about her.Should i tell her i'm sick of listening to it? The way i see it is and it might sound harsh is she got herself into this situation she knew full well what she was doing getting with this man.

Any advice/thoughts?

Thanks

I am a friend

Yeah tell her you have given her all the advice you can give her and she is on her own from now on.

She needs to learn to handle her problems herself and not bore the head off others and still not listen to the advice she gets.

ncmc

I think there are two issues here. One is that she is trapped in a destructive pattern with her boyfriend, the second is that you feel used by her. She sounds like she is acting selfishly with you, only ringing when she has a problem with her boyfriend and then ignoring you when she takes him back.

I think you need to ‘cut her off’ OP! She is trapped in a destructive pattern where she wants away from this guy who is wrong for her, but doesn’t have the strength to leave him. Maybe she is afraid of being single, maybe she likes the drama being with him entails. I’m presuming she knows that you think he is all wrong for her?

I think you need to tell her that you love her and that if she wants to split from this guy for good, then you will do whatever it takes to get her through it. But that you are also not going to stand around and watch her make the same mistakes again and again. Tell her that if she insists on staying with him, you don’t want to hear about their problems, or about how wrong he is for her. She needs to grow up OP and face up to her problems. She needs to either dump this guy or else stay with him and not bore everyone else and stress you out by bad mouthing him. It doesn’t sound harsh at all what you are suggesting. It might make her grow up and take responsibility for her actions.

thefeatheredcat

Worriedsister wrote: »

Now the issue is while i have always been there for her i'm finding it really stressful listening to all the carry on that is going on

Been there with my sister, not just boyfriends, but other stuff that continues in one great circle where she seeks out advice from me, family and friends, agrees to it, then ignores it and then lands right back in a worse mess about the same thing, time and again, distressed and wailing looking for advice, (after 1-2 hours on the phone with her crying about it all, or in person where the day is monopolised by it) agreeing to it, ignoring it and making the situation worse by not heeding anything anyone says and just being flippant about it. Wouldn't have an issue if just once in a blue moon sort of thing, but on a regular basis about the same thing it was a massive headwreck.

I am a friend is spot on. That's what I did because I was so stressed out with it, and so have other family members been and it's caused a lot of unhappiness, stress and worry as a result. I'm glad I did, because I'm a lot less stressed and instead of wasting energy giving sought out advise to someone who chooses to ignore it anyway, I can focus on other things in a more positive way and be a lot, lot happier as a result.

LegacyUser

Hi,thanks everyone for your advice it has been very helpfull, since i posted this i told her that i wasnt going to be there for her anymore in regards to her boyfriend problems and she accepted it very well so i'm glad i did it, it's only been a few days and i'm already feeling better not listening to it.

It has been going on for months and i just couldn't put up with it anymore so i'm really glad i put an end to it, she really has to take responsibilty for her actions and deal with the consquences the sooner she does that the better.

In response to one poster yes she does know her boyfriend is not liked by any of the family and that is due to his own actions but we don't keep on at her all the time about him as we don't want to push her into his arms even further.

Cunning Stunt

My sister has just broken up with her boyfriend of around 5 years. It was a similar situation to the OP's sister's - the guy was a waster, but she didn't want to hear that.
My parents told her plainly and clearly that he was no good for her and after that they left her alone. She never mentioned him in conversation, and neither did they. They knew that if they kept at her, it would drive her away. She had to see the light herself.

Though it has taken some time, she has now finally seen him for what he is and kicked him to the kerb. OP, your sister will hopefully do the same in her own time.