Left with no reason

LegacyUser

Hi,

Both 20.


I went out with a guy for roughly 2 months, it started up in August. We were getting on amazingly well. Better than any guy I've been with. Then, out of nowhere, he broke up with me.. claiming he had been thinking of it a while and wanted something different and he didnt know what it was.
If that is true, he was a good actor because we were great up to last week. Anyway, I told him if he didnt know what he wanted, he didnt want me and then he said thats not true? Anyway, I didnt really get a reason out of him. He seemed rehearsed...

I checked my emails and fb 2/3hours after he broke up with me and he had it changed straight away which leaves me believing he was letting some other girl know he was single.

This is all very weird. The day before he broke up with me, he was making plans for the next week with me.... How do you from amazing to a guys ex in the space of one night? How do you go from being all over eachother to passing eachother?
I didnt do anything to him. This all came out of nowhere and people have asked what happened and I end up saying I dont know...
I'm still shocked and am waiting to be told its all a big joke....

I asked to speak to him afterwards(2 days after) but I stood him up cause I was too upset to go... He texted that he had waited.. I texted to ask to meet next week - no reply.

Im so confused at all of this... I havent slept all week - I keep going over and over it in my head and beforehand and there were no warning signs?

LegacyUser

But none of it made sense...... we were happy out and then it changed.

Ickle Magoo

I think you should concentrate on trying to figure out what he was thinking and what happened less - and just concentrate on the fact that he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. We often decide subconsciously that a relationship isn't working for us long before we realise that is how we actually feel, disengage emotionally and actually end the relationship - it's also possible he has felt things weren't going as well as he wanted for a while but really liked you and hoped it would all fall into place.

You were only going out a couple of months so it could be the spark just wasn't there for him, he's got back with the ex or met someone else but I don't think torturing yourself with the what if's and maybe's is going to help...all you need know is he has moved on - and you should too. Surround yourself with friends and family and keep yourself busy - give yourself some time to get over the hurt/shock.

All the very best.

LegacyUser

Look, I know this is going to sound like I am in denial but honestly, we were great. There was alot of spark! Literally, we were fine the last time we were together before the break up and then it happened the next morning..... I think something happened he's not telling me!

Zen65

confusedmuch wrote: »

Look, I know this is going to sound like I am in denial but honestly, we were great. There was alot of spark!

Hi Op, sorry to hear you're having a tough time now. I was struck by this quote of yours and, more importantly by what you have missed when you said it.

The reality is that it was only you that felt great about the relationship, only you that experienced the spark. In the two months you were together it is most unlikely that you got to know him well enough to read his mind, especially when he appears to have been quite adept at concealing his thoughts.

Sunflower27 has offered you the best advice for your situation - "Let this go". You are simply tormenting yourself to no avail by trying to find out why he decided to end the relationship.


Be at peace,


Z

Firetrap

Sometimes these things do come from out of the blue. Maybe there were warning signs you missed because you were so loved up, maybe there weren't. Who knows? Of course you're going to be going back over everything in forensic detail but two things are certain. You will be none the wiser at the end of it all and you'll still be broken up. Accept that you had and have zero control over what happened. He decided for whatever reason that you weren't the right woman for him and do your best to get over this.

Seraphina

Look, I don't mean to sound condescending, but you're 20, and the relationship lasted two months. You don't need a reason, and there probably isn't a reason other than 20 year old males are fickle. At the end of the day if he doesn't want to talk to you and / or work through it, then there's no point in worrying about it, because you can't and won't change anything.

Distorted

Maybe he was just a good actor? Maybe he is not all what you thought he is? Maybe he leads a secret life with other options so that he can drop you like this? Whatever the reason, the relationship is not as you thought it was, and his feelings to you are not what you thought they were. Probably your attachment to him was based on him returning your feelings, so take that away and what are you left with? A short term relationship that has broken up because one party is not so easy to satisfy as the other party, for whatever reason. Its not really worth wasting any more time on, better to move on and find someone less fickle.

LegacyUser

But he is different.. I felt strongly for him and us. And now I'm lost and crying all the time?

I need to know what happened.. I'm sick of saying "I don't know" .. My guy friends said he's lying because of the crap excuse..

I am a friend

confusedmuch wrote: »

But he is different.. I felt strongly for him and us. And now I'm lost and crying all the time?

I need to know what happened.. I'm sick of saying "I don't know" .. My guy friends said he's lying because of the crap excuse..

Ok you dont seem to be taking the advice on board. Chances are he was dating others as well and he was just not ready to settle with you. Sorry bit think you need the blunt truth here as you seem likely to do something daft to try to get an answer. The only answer you need is that it's finished. That says it all... Sorry for the blunt delivery but you need to hear it.

confusedmuch

confusedmuch wrote: »

But he is different.. I felt strongly for him and us. And now I'm lost and crying all the time?

I need to know what happened.. I'm sick of saying "I don't know" .. My guy friends said he's lying because of the crap excuse..

He is not worth your tears. Better things will come along for you.

Firetrap

You're grieving for what you thought you had. You might think it was a great relationship but obviously he wasn't feeling it. Your ex didn't just decide overnight to finish things. Either he is a talented actor or you missed the warning signs.

You are going to have to accept that you probably won't get closure on this. Real life doesn't always give you answers. Though in truth you probably do have your answer - he met someone he liked better than you. It happens. It's not going to change anything. He didn't fancy you as much as you fancied him and he dumped you. That is the only piece of information that really matters.

Be careful too that you don't get on your friend's nerves by going on and on about this.