feeling down

LegacyUser

yesterday was walking around in college which is obviously full of young guys. was walking towards these 2 guys and i could see them looking towards me and as i was walking past i could hear them talking commenting about the way i look. There wasn't any others around at the time so it had to be me they chatting about. heard one guy say shes a 4n a half while the other said nah about a 3 shes carrying a little weight. at the time i just ignored it. i just walked away with my head held high but now im quite upset about it. i dont go around acting like im pretty. i know im not. i just dont need others pointing out they way i look.
also ive noticed (maybe im crazy) that a few guys need a cough on purpose as they pass as if its their way of saying im ugly.
it annoys me also that there are a lot of pretty girls around however many of those cover themselves in loads of make up, perfume and fashionable clothes. im sure if i did those things i would look better also but i feel why should i have to do those things.
sometimes i feel really ugly. i suppose im annoyed at the rudeness of some guys (sometimes it feels like all guys are like this) but im also annoyed at other women. i see alot of some of these girls without make up and they look average like me but them they go and put all fake tan and make up and transform themselves into someone alot prettier. i suppose they just feel insecure also. its kind of a vicious circle. i suppose i come across as quite bitter. and it would be useful to hear a third party perspective. i believe i use to suffer from bdd and mayb its rearing its ugly head again

Ickle Magoo

I don't think you should be making any self-diagnoses - if you think you had/have BDD then you should make an appointment with your GP asap.

You do sound like you have very low confidence and as a result are a little paranoid, though. Rating girls looks as they walk around town sounds very immature and shallow - not to mention the kind of lads that do that are are rarely young Brad Pitts themselves...I've never heard of people who cough to signify they don't like some they've just passed aesthetics - but again, I wouldn't rate the opinion of people who spend their time doing something so silly.

Although you repeatedly talk about other girls using make-up, clothes, etc to make themselves more pretty - usually one of the most attractive qualities about a person is their confidence and make-up and fashion is a sign that somebody takes time on their appearance - which can also be judged as an attractive quality. Regardless of how other people choose to best showcase themselves, you really need to have a bit more confidence in yourself and learn to care less about those you don't know and what they do/think.

Would you consider counselling? It might help get to the root of your insecurity issues.

All the very best.

LegacyUser

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

I don't think you should be making any self-diagnoses - if you think you had/have BDD then you should make an appointment with your GP asap.

You do sound like you have very low confidence and as a result are a little paranoid, though. Rating girls looks as they walk around town sounds very immature and shallow - not to mention the kind of lads that do that are are rarely young Brad Pitts themselves...I've never heard of people who cough to signify they don't like some they've just passed aesthetics - but again, I wouldn't rate the opinion of people who spend their time doing something so silly.

Although you repeatedly talk about other girls using make-up, clothes, etc to make themselves more pretty - usually one of the most attractive qualities about a person is their confidence and make-up and fashion is a sign that somebody takes time on their appearance - which can also be judged as an attractive quality. Regardless of how other people choose to best showcase themselves, you really need to have a bit more confidence in yourself and learn to care less about those you don't know and what they do/think.

Would you consider counselling? It might help get to the root of your insecurity issues.

All the very best.

Hi thanks for your advice. really appreciated. Yah I think counselling would be a good way for me to go. Your right I do have quite a lot of insecurity issues and I should get help as soon as possible.

The only thing I wonder do other girls hear/see guys talk negatively about their looks. It seems to happen to me a bit. i know this may be off topic but has any other women/men any advice on how to deal with it?

Firetrap

I'm pleased to see you're open to the idea of going to go see a counsellor. It would do you a world of good to follow through on this

On the question you ask, are you absolutely certain that people are going around commenting on your looks?

I don't want to be tactless here but if it's true, is there a reason why you're noticeable? Do you wear unflattering clothes? Are you very overweight? Have a hairstyle that doesn't suit you? I'm not saying that you should start going around looking like you've been tangoed and wearing skimpy clothes but perhaps there's scope for you to take better care of your appearance?

ilovenerds

isthismyfuture wrote: »

i suppose im annoyed at the rudeness of some guys (sometimes it feels like all guys are like this) but im also annoyed at other women. i see alot of some of these girls without make up and they look average like me but them they go and put all fake tan and make up and transform themselves into someone alot prettier. i suppose they just feel insecure also. its kind of a vicious circle.

I’ve never liked lumping myself in with other females. It’s a category characterised ostensibly by embarrassing displays of empathy, gossiping and tremendous illogic. However, recently I’ve realised that the choices some women make, such as exploiting their sexuality, impact on my life as a woman quite a bit. When the majority of girls are limping around in Ugg boots with more makeup on their face than there is CO2 in our atmosphere it becomes the “norm”. Men then tend to expect this behaviour as if the default is to preen and pamper yourself for two hours before leaving the house. Neither gender is blameless; we are all complicit in the current cultural paradigm.

I don’t think you can really stop this behaviour. The response one gets when they look nice does really buttress their self esteem and it would be probably be hard for most people to deprive themselves of that just on principle. Personally, I just focus on the attributes which I admire in myself such as creativity, intelligence (at times) etc. I also relish the extra few hours I spend in bed instead of putting on 5 coats of mascara.

Those boys were just rude people. That has nothing to do with their gender, just the crappy way in which they were raised.;)

LegacyUser

Firetrap wrote: »

I'm pleased to see you're open to the idea of going to go see a counsellor. It would do you a world of good to follow through on this

On the question you ask, are you absolutely certain that people are going around commenting on your looks?

I don't want to be tactless here but if it's true, is there a reason why you're noticeable? Do you wear unflattering clothes? Are you very overweight? Have a hairstyle that doesn't suit you? I'm not saying that you should start going around looking like you've been tangoed and wearing skimpy clothes but perhaps there's scope for you to take better care of your appearance?

yah im pretty sure. im in college where there load of young guys so it seems their no 1 is checking out girls. they dont hide their delight or disgust pretty well.
i am overweight by about 2 stone which i am trying to lose. i was actually on my way to the gym when i saw the 2 guys. ive gotten a fair few comments on how nice my hair is so i don't think its that. i usually just wear jeans and a cardigan which while not particularly stylish isnt exactly unflattering either.

actually ilovenerds your post is very interesting. I do get a few admirable glances from some guys and when i do it puts me in a good mood. however when i get negative comments it really upsets. Im like the girls you describe in which it improves my self esteem when i get a second glance. I know thats quite sad and quite dangerous to measure my mood and self esteem on something so fickle and on the reactions of others. I'm just going to have to learn to ignore the opinion of strangers (especially rude ones).

Taltos

Something to remind yourself is that guys who make comments like that are normally quite immature and as a result wouldn't stand a chance with any self-respecting woman.
As a result of this constant rejection they resort to trying to make other people feel as bad about themselves as they do.

At the end of the day - you know you are attractive - you have said yourself you have received some admiring glances So hold on to that and remind yourself that no matter what some children think some real men do see a hint of the real you.

The sad fact of life is some guys in college are still stuck in 1st year of secondary school and may never progress beyond it...

Distorted

I don't think you should attribute any importance to these losers. No-one with any opinion worth giving credence to would be making such remarks, its obvious that they don't know how to behave and feel pretty badly about themselves so try find fault in other people. Most likely they would not pick on a really ugly person, because that would be too easy a target and not give them any fun, but they actually pick on someone they think they could have a chance with providing they are not total losers. You can guarantee that the world is full of people who are much less attractive than you, with only a lucky small proportion who are the real beauties of this world out there.

In my experience though, it is usually the most unattractive people who make these types of comment, to try and bring people down to their own level.