Work getting in the way of potential relationship

LegacyUser

Ok so I'm in the early stages of seeing someone at the moment but I find her work is getting in the way a lot.

I work 9 - 5 the vast majority of the time, sometimes I might have to work late etc... but generally 9 - 5.

She tends to work very unsociable hours and tends to get relatively short notice of when she has to work. So much so that we had plans to meet up three times this week and they've all fallen through.

I live about 30 - 45 mins drive away from her which is also a slight problem.

Have any of you experienced issues like this in the early stages of getting to know someone? How have you gotten over them?

I also find that it's me who seems to be trying to do most of the arranging etc... I'm beginning to become quite conscious that she's going to think I'm trying to push it so it's getting to a point where I'm going to have to back off.

We spend anything up to an hour a day talking on the phone and she does seem to be legitimate. Naturally time will tell in relation to this but for the moment I'm going to assume that she is legit and isn't just stringing me along.

I forgot to say above that she's self employed so whether so actually works is totally up to herself. I suppose that's part of the problem - I'm beginning to feel that she's picking work over me.

We have provisional plans to meet up tomorrow evening but I'm meant to be going out tomorrow with friends, so meeting up with her means I have to cancel on friends.

She's planning on taking two weeks off the week after next so hopefully I should see a bit more of her.

Any words of wisdom would be much appreciated.

Ickle Magoo

Moved your thread here to Relationship Issues OP, hope you get some good advice. :cool:

LegacyUser

Hi OP

In a similar situation myself. The only thing I can say to you is that I try to remind myself that owning your own business in a recession can't be easy going, and you've no idea of what kind of pressure she might be under at the moment.

Definitely mention it to her; if she's stressed already I'd be careful not to add to that, but if she likes you then she should be putting the effort in. It's never nice to feel that something is one-sided, especially if you really like the person.

Ultimately, you need to decide if she's worth it. But unfortunately if you're really into her and you think she feels the same, it's a very hard decision to make.

Hopefully other posters will have better advice for you, best of luck with it.

LegacyUser

Thanks ihearya,

I'm going to persist with it for the moment.

I suppose part of my immediate problem is that I'm concerned that she'll begin to feel I'm putting her under pressure to meet. I don't want to put her under pressure but naturally I do want to meet.

It's a bit*h of a situation.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

I have been in the exact the same situation with my bf for almost 2 years now.

I’d say she is legitimate. It is a huge pressure working as a free-lancer and/or at irregular hours, and even though you might think this gives her more freedom regarding her work, it doesn’t – not doing her work means she doesn’t get paid, period. It is also VERY hard to manage our own time when we are our own bosses.

The living far apart + long working hours does put stress on the relationship. A few advices would be:

- try to organise in advance with her - as much as possible - how/when you guys are going to see each other during the upcoming week, so she can arrange her work around it.

- Tell her she is always welcome to go to yours, explain that you might not invite her because you don’t want to put pressure on her, but but that she is always welcome to go to yours

- If possible, make an effort and go to hers. If she is overwhelmed with work, she might be dying to see you, but the idea of driving/taking a bus for 40 minutes after work is daunting to say the least.

- If you guys meet up after work, and she is exhausted, please don’t be mad if she crashes after dinner! As much physical attraction as she may feel, sometimes we just want to cuddle and sleep soundly if we are too tired. If we realise that meeting up involves being up and energetic till 2am, we might just avoid meeting up and crash on our own warm bed.