Advice needed after dispute.

LegacyUser

Without going into details friend of mine that I haven't known for all that long let me down. Not very badly mind you but it was enough for me to me utterly disappointed. A promise was broken.

She called me up to ask me out and I brought up the issue for discussion and explained that I was very disappointed and explained that for me some elements that are important of any friendship were broken.

I caught her on the hop really. And she said that she never meant to upset me and she gave me an excuse for the broken promise. It was exetremely vague and brief. I dismissed her apology because of this saying that words are cheap. I suppose deep down I wanted it to be backed up with action ie to follow through on what she had promised me. Well that's the jist of it
I think I may of trust issues and issues that stem from the past in believing people.

She has been avoiding me since and I asked her why was this and she said she wants an apology from me.

coolcat63

People are human - they f*ck up occasionally. If someone you 'haven't known all that long' lets you down ' not very badly' is it appropriate to be 'utterly disappointed' and to 'dismiss her apology'? Perhaps it's a friendship neither of you should pursue...

username123

diddly.fiddly.dee wrote: »

She has been avoiding me since and I asked her why was this and she said she wants an apology from me.

Why did you ask her this? You dismissed her apology. You told her that the elements important for friendship were broken. I think you made it clear you dont want to be friends anymore - why would you then be asking why she is avoiding you? What do you expect her to do - she apologised already.

Zen65

diddly.fiddly.dee wrote: »

I dismissed her apology because of this saying that words are cheap.

Why did you choose this saying to determine how you behaved?

You could have chosen many other sayings:

"Turn the other cheek"

"Everyone deserves a second chance"

"Water under the bridge"

"To err is human, to forgive is divine"

"The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naïve forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget."

"It takes a strong person to say sorry, and an ever stronger person to forgive."

I could go on. Good advice about the importance of forgiveness is as plentiful as philosophy itself. It seems you dug out the most bitter and unforgiving saying to take into your heart and make your own. It's not surprising that your friend has been avoiding you. By your own admission the original slight was not such a big deal, and yet you have made a drama out of it. Did you ask yourself why you were doing this? Simply saying that you "have trust issues" is not facing up to your actions. If you behave this way as a matter of course then you may well find that your circle of friends decreases quite rapidly.

Your friend deserves an apology from you, but it's your call how you want to play it.

Be at peace,

Z

qwertytlk

Shes avoiding you because the way you acted was totally OTT. She said sorry, and just because you werent satisfied with her excuse you decided not to accecpt her apology... Well to be honest, i wouldnt be suprised if she didnt want to pursue the friendship after that! And i also wouldnt blame her for not doing so.

I wouldnt blame you for getting upset if she was letting you down on a regular basis, but that wasnt the case...so i thnk you kind of need to get down from your high-horse and appologise to your friend for your complete over reaction. (if you want to keep her as a friend.) Also might be an idea to look into seeing a counsellor so that you can get some help to deal with the trust issues. If they're affecting you life and friendships lilke this then imo it needs to be sorted.

jimmycrackcorm

Op, to be absolutely blunt, your post comes across as an attempt at being a control freak. It wasn't a friend you've known long yet you have made the issue out to be a somewhat broken contract.

Perhaps the details dictate otherwise but I think you should apologise and not hold tenuous friendships to such high standards.